Napoleon BonerPart's definitions

floating toldy

North East of Scotland’s poetic word for a turd which refuses to submerge below the water line and will resist virtually every attempt to encourage the bastard to depart these environs .

Agnes , you’ve dropped a fucking floating toldy in here again, I’ve told you to stop eating those Ryvitas, they’re making your jobbys far too bouyant .

by Napoleon BonerPart February 24, 2023

Tokyo Branch of specsavers

Descriptive of a particularly loose woman of whom it could be said - “she’s seen more japseyes than the Tokyo Branch of Specsavers”

Somebody like Katie Price for example

That slapper Jordan has seen more japs eyes than the Tokyo branch of Specsavers

by Napoleon BonerPart February 17, 2023

freckle the pot

An occasion when seated upon the porcelain , one blows off a particularly forceful fart which is also part-shit whereupon the velocity of the charge will entrain small beads of excrement that impact the walls of the bowl like wet shrapnel. The resultant pebble dashing can thus be colourfully described to one’s associates as you having freckled the pot , drawing an analogy between the now dashed China , with the cutie pie freckles across the nose of a ginger teenager .

Fuck , I sat down to birth an otter , but damn if I didn’t have a bellyful of fart that came howling out at a phenomenal rate of knots , picking up ass debris as it emerged which leg to an incredible amount of freckle the pot

by Napoleon BonerPart February 23, 2023

The Medicinal Penis

An excuse given to an unwilling and uncooperative female bedfellow .
Used when she is reluctant to make best use of an urgent tumescent member .

Convince her that the stonker in your pyjamas actually possesses medicinal healing properties and if she would care to suck it or pop it into her love tunnel , then whatever may be ailing the bitch will be almost instantly cured

Imogen complained of several ailments and was cock blocking me for several hours . I did however manage eventually to convince her that 7 inches of throbbing gristle otherwise known as the medicinal penis would be just what the doctor ordered to ease her whining

by Napoleon BonerPart February 22, 2023

spaniels lugs

Very droopy tits , that resemble the ears of a spaniel dog

Fuckin hell Marjorie - your tits are like spaniels lugs

by Napoleon BonerPart February 17, 2023

Bulbo Baggins

Play on the name of that irritating little turd Bilbo . Typically used to describe an ill timed full hardon that has little chance of seeing any light of day but will remain cloaked within the confines of ones undergarments and likely go completely to waste .

That fit bitch in Asda was bending over rearranging the bags of frozen peas and her bubble butt totally caught my eye . There I was just pushing my trolley along and I was immediately overcome by a raging Bulbo Baggins in my undercrackers . I mean , it was full of steel . A thing even a cat couldnt scratch . What an absolute waste. I wasnt even able to nip to the shitter to chug one off the wrist because my trolley was three quarters full

by Napoleon BonerPart February 22, 2023

wankstuds

Warts on the hand(s) of a woman, which will abrade against areas of a gentleman’s nudger, should they be engaging in him receiving manual relief from her .

“Ooh them wankstuds aren’t half stimulating my Bishop , Brenda “

by Napoleon BonerPart February 3, 2023