Monkey's Dad's definitions

Coronoceros

Heavy-footed, lumbering, thickened by months of coronaviral lockdown.

After too many days and nights of wine, frozen pizza and solitary movies, never moving from the sofa, he fondly recalled his toned and fleet self, but felt like a two-ton Coronoceros.

by Monkey's Dad May 5, 2020

ventrolloquist

A person who throws his voice in such a way that, A) it not only seems to come out of someone else's mouth, but, B) gets them to say things online that they don't believe in, C) in order to start Internet arguments and create discord.

Bored with mere chatroom trolling, he upped his game, becoming a master ventrolloquist, taking malicious glee in the conflicts he had instigated, his victims exclaiming, "But... but I never meant to say that!"

by Monkey's Dad March 1, 2020

Noid

Clear-sighted, realistically unafraid. A condition which must exist in order for the state of being para-noid to exist.

The only one at the party who had declined the marijuana, he did not have the munchies, did not find every utterance, no matter how inane, hysterically funny, was more than ready to drive anyone and everyone home if need be, and he was suffering no delusions; absolutely no one was out to get him. While his friends' behavior was paranoid, his was, in a word - noid.

by Monkey's Dad June 7, 2021

domestididact

Home schooled.

Like every other child in America at the moment, his school shut down indefinitely, her son was becoming a domestididact. Together twenty-four hours a day, she would try to teach him what she could, although she knew nothing for certain any more.

by Monkey's Dad March 17, 2020

not a scientist

Amy Coney Barrett's self-characterization when asked her views on climate change, which she describes as 'controversial' when it is a settled matter globally among those who are indeed scientists.

"Do you believe that climate change is happening and threatening the air we breathe and the water we drink?" Kamala Harris asked.
"I will not express a view on a matter of public policy... that is politically controversial" Judge Barrett answered. "I am not a scientist."

by Monkey's Dad October 16, 2020

Coronal Retentive

Excessively orderly and fussy, paying too much attention to detail, as the result of being locked in during the coronaviral era.

She had always been relaxed and carefree. But with nowhere to go and no one to see, she reorganized every item in the bathroom cabinet by size, color and alphabetical order, and worried she was becoming coronal retentive.

by Monkey's Dad March 31, 2020

anachron

A unit of experience devoid of temporal dimension. A timeless moment, year or lifespan.

Increasingly, he felt every unit of experience as an anachron. He was unable to answer what hour, what season, what decade it might be, or how old he was, completely uncertain as to how much, or whether, any time had passed or would pass between this moment and another. He was simply alive and had been granted extraordinary freedom from the weight of time.

by Monkey's Dad June 1, 2022