Monkey's Dad's definitions

Neoanderthal

A currently-living, proudly primitive person. A surprisingly vivid embodiment of attitudes and aptitudes thought to be long-extinct.

No need to ask who he's voting for, he's a card-carrying, open-carrying Neoanderthal.

by Monkey's Dad September 18, 2019

Sane Patrick's Day

The special day in mid-March when people do NOT gather in tightly-packed spaces to get drunk, yell, sing and generally breathe in each others' faces, because there is still a global pandemic.

With his six-pack of Guinness, he sat on his sofa to celebrate Sane Patrick's Day, and set his sights on next year.

by Monkey's Dad March 17, 2021

Hickipedia

A whole damn buncha fancy stuff y'all kin lookit ta show ya got booklernin', 'fore ya git ta votin' twahce, lahk the great man tol' ya to.

The president himself had said it, 'vote twice'. Not sure what that meant exactly, or how to go about it, Verlene decided to look it up on Hickipedia.

by Monkey's Dad September 5, 2020

in warm blood

A crime committed, not from passion exactly, yet with some slight degree of feeling.

She was said to have murdered him in warm blood, not that she really cared whether he was sleeping with her best friend, but it irritated her to learn about it on Facebook.

by Monkey's Dad March 7, 2020

slognosis

The forecast that the course of a disease will be uphill and stretch over a long time.

The doctor's truthful slognosis was hard to hear: His covid symptoms would get worse before they got better, and recovery would be slow, if it happened at all.

by Monkey's Dad April 9, 2020

Vaccadoodle

A person whose brain swirls with eccentric ideas focused on the vaccination for Covid.

She refused to be vaccinated, certain that Bill Gates had engineered the whole pandemic to take over the world. The shot would implant a microchip in her brain. Bill Gates would know where she was at all times, what she bought, the websites she visited, what songs she liked. She had learned this from her i-phone, which was always on, always in her hand. She was a certifiable vaccadoodle and if she perished from Covid, at least Gates would never know.

by Monkey's Dad February 15, 2021

Facebook patient

Someone who uses Facebook as a thinly-disguised substitute for actual psychotherapy.

Heather's posts centered around her anxieties, her phobias, her delusional self-image - photos of herself taken today, taken ten years ago, taken when she was born - complimenting herself in a variety of ways, and her friends obliged, from empathy, 'liking', 'sharing', telling her how beautiful she still was, knowing she was a Facebook patient.

by Monkey's Dad April 3, 2020