Bedside Volcano

A growing yet indecipherable mound, composed of unmatched socks, sweaters, underwear, pillows, books, catalogs, unopened mail, empty bottles, reading glasses, chargers, clean and dirty towels, exercise paraphernalia, countless and nameless other things, many forgotten yet long-sought, the entirety overtaking the room, cascading, poised to erupt.

"Have you seen my phone?"
"Have you checked the bedside volcano?"
"Which one??"
"Good question."

by Monkey's Dad February 25, 2023

abortlitionist

Someone advocating the abolition of abortion, campaigning to overturn Roe v. Wade.

He was certain of two things: That every American had the right to carry an assault rifle - to school, to Walmart, to church - and that killing was a sin and women had no right to abortion, no matter the circumstance of the pregnancy. He was a righteous abortlitionist.

by Monkey's Dad December 15, 2021

theatricoretical

An old-fashioned idea that a newly-released film would play in 'theaters' - places where people once congregated to experience laughter, joy, tears and fear together.

The movie's production budget had been huge, its theatrical release now only theatricoretical. It would be seen in the privacy and safety of people's homes, earning pennies on the dollar.

by Monkey's Dad March 22, 2020

hookup

A quaint social custom of the early 21st century in which two strangers agreed to occupy the same room for a period of time. Presently unthinkable.

She could almost remember the last time she had been touched, it was a hookup, when she and the world were innocent and a stranger could be seen as an okay thing, not a possible death sentence.

by Monkey's Dad March 19, 2020

Last Woman on Earth

Effectively, the woman any man happens to be with, under lockdown, for the duration of the coronaviral era.

"You have complaints? Please, feel free to find someone else, because right now I may as well be the last woman on earth."

by Monkey's Dad March 30, 2020

isolassitude

Lack of energy and mental fatigue from being alone.

After months of working from home, going nowhere and seeing no one, barely caring to get dressed, he felt crushing isolassitude.

by Monkey's Dad May 01, 2020

barborian

A professional haircutter who won't stop chattering about dull trivia.

He sat in the chair, prepared for the barborian to give him a trim and a temporary lobotomy. He did not care who Justin Bieber was dating, what next week's weather was supposed to be, or who might have a shot at the playoffs.

by Monkey's Dad March 12, 2020