Monkey's Dad's definitions

Texazuela

Oil prices fall below zero, Texas, the nation's leading crude oil producer, looks in the mirror and sees Venezuela.

Once unimaginable, today US oil prices plunged to minus $40 a barrel, and Texazuela may face economic collapse.

by Monkey's Dad April 20, 2020

Don't touch yourself

Not the eternal 'you'll-burn-in-hell' admonition from parents, nuns and priests received by millions of adolescents. Now, it's your face that is the forbidden body part.

Quietly closing the door behind her, stripping off her gloves, sliding out of her mask, she kept repeating "Don't touch yourself" although she desperately craved the feel of her own fingers.

by Monkey's Dad May 15, 2020

Hydroxycloroxquine

The bomb. A tablespoon of Clorox mixed with hydroxychloroquine.

If drinking Hydroxycloroxquine meant she could go back to the nail salon, she'd have a double.

by Monkey's Dad April 24, 2020

Covid's Metamorphoses

An epic poem, waiting to be written.

Chronicling the transformations of the world, from its creation to its breakdown, due to the coronavirus and the self-deification a Julius Caesar wannabe, Covid's Metamorphoses will be read in the 22nd Century as a charming fable of humanity as it once was.

by Monkey's Dad October 7, 2020

vaccillation

Uncertainty about the value and wisdom of getting a vaccination.

Most people she knew were getting it, but she'd heard one story of a child being paralyzed for life, and she was in a state of vaccillation about whether to allow the immunization for her daughter.

by Monkey's Dad April 11, 2020

Minotaurectomy

Procedure to remove a man's bullheaded virility, performed by a female, using a few choice words.

Seeing him snort and paw the ground, while angling his horns in her direction, she was planning tonight's minotaurectomy, which would preferably be non-surgical, but hey.

by Monkey's Dad January 5, 2020

from my cold, dead heart

Proposed National Rifle Association slogan.

Faced with the staggering number of American school children and other innocent victims killed by unstable men with military-style assault rifles, reassured yet again that background checks and licensing would not in any way threaten his right to gun ownership, that no one proposed to take away his firearms, he planted his feet, growling his modified NRA non-sequitur, "I'll give up my gun when they pry it from my cold, dead heart."

by Monkey's Dad April 1, 2021