Monkey's Dad's definitions

Decimated

Reduced by 1/10th (one-tenth), not, as commonly misused, totally wiped out, destroyed, annihilated.

The rodent population in New York City was decimated, down from ten million to only nine million.

by Monkey's Dad November 9, 2019

Blogjam

Intellectual immobilization from following too many influencers with too much to say.

He awoke to another early-morning blogjam, so much verbiage, so little time.

by Monkey's Dad November 25, 2019

WWSAB?

Were We Separated At Birth? Asked of another person with whom one feels exceptional alignment.

I understand what you are feeling, and could not agree more. WWSAB?

by Monkey's Dad November 26, 2019

Hemoji

1) Spotted almost as frequently as Bigfoot: a small, brightly-colored visual feature, used by men while texting, in place of actual words.

Bill broke up with Susie using the only hemojis he could think of - a pair of scissors and a trash can.

by Monkey's Dad September 1, 2019

Sexclamation point !!!

A gender-revealing punctuation mark! Used frequently, often in multiples and almost exclusively by females!!! (Men, in contrast, end a sentence with a single piece of punctuation, usually a period or question mark.)

The female attraction to this piece of punctuation is probably entirely unconscious. The mark - ! - is a clear pictogram of a woman's 'private parts', a vertical orifice above a circular one.

Using it to end almost any string of words is a statement of the sender's sexuality, conveying a subliminal ; "Look what I possess!!!"!!!!!

The detective suspected that the note - "Back soon! I'm shopping for fancy soap and scented candles!" - with its mystifying sexclamation point !!!, could possibly have been written by a woman.

by Monkey's Dad September 2, 2019

Schmogul

A highly successful, powerful person who has somehow remained a jerk.

Check out the schmogul at the corner table. Yes, that's really him, and yes, he's eating sushi with a fork.

by Monkey's Dad September 2, 2019

Ianaj

The murmured protestation of a woman being served an artfully prepared late-morning breakfast, in bed, with a monogrammed sterling spoon, under a velvet blanket, by a man whose one goal in life is her pleasure and comfort, meant to convey the disclaimer: "I am not a Jap".

Ianaj - obviously you have never known a real one - please bring me my glasses... turn the fan slightly toward the window... my phone... and what time is it?

by Monkey's Dad September 3, 2019