Monkey's Dad's definitions

miraculous medical reversal

An event which doctors have consensually denied possible because A) they have never seen it, B) they don't know how to make it happen, and C) it does not fit within the narrow guidelines of their practice, which are in place to keep patients where they are.

The patient had been diagnosed with Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, told that she would never walk again, classed as "non-ambulatory" for insurance purposes, issued a steel leg brace and a motorized scooter. Dutifully, she did not walk, or try to, for two decades. With the help of someone who believed that a miraculous medical reversal was possible, the day came when she walked into her neurologist's office on her own feet, without the scooter, without the leg brace. Her doctor responded with total refusal of acknowledgement. His practice, after all, was described as "maintenance", not cure, and what the hell was this.

by Monkey's Dad December 6, 2023

isolution

Extreme segregation and distancing between people, as a means of fighting an uncontrolled epidemic.

Forced to work from home, shut in his tiny apartment all day, forbidden to go out at night, the isolution felt crippling.

by Monkey's Dad March 16, 2020

Smart Lives Matter

Those who understand that the words "Please wear a mask" do not mean: 1) carry it in your hand, 2) wear it around your neck or 3) wear it covering your chin but not your mouth and nose.

YOU! ... Yes, you, coming within inches of me, breathing in my face, with YOUR MASK SECURED AROUND YOUR ELBOW! please respect my right to live even if you don't care about your own, because Smart Lives Matter.

by Monkey's Dad September 14, 2020

psick joke

Humor in such poor taste it is a symptom of psychosis.

Was she really aiming to get a laugh by mocking a gender-neutral, disabled person of indeterminate ethnicity, an age-challenged, vaccine-addled, undocumented person whose worldly belongings were spilling out of a shopping cart as they slowly tried to cross the street in front of her car while she leaned on the horn? It was by every standard worse than un-funny. It was deranged, a psick joke, but one she hoped would get her the gig she yearned for - hosting the 2025 White House Correspondents dinner.

by Monkey's Dad September 16, 2021

Psychodemic

Psychological symptoms brought on by solitary lockdown during an epidemic.

Sleepless, edgy, self-critical and burned out from the abstractions of her computer and phone, she knew these feelings were psychodemic and hoped they would dissipate once freed from her confinement.

by Monkey's Dad April 10, 2020

Bi-pass heart surgery

An extreme form of conversion therapy, intended to cure the bi-curious and turn them straight.

Arriving home in Wichita from Princeton for the summer, Amber confided to her devoutly Methodist mother that she was equally in love with her 'friends' Jason and Jennifer. Shocked, and too unworldly to know that this was a transitory phase for many of the girls in Amber's class, her mother whispered the threat of bi-pass heart surgery to make her normal again.

by Monkey's Dad February 28, 2020

Vaccophobia

The irrational fear of the Covid-19 vaccine.

An extraordinary percentage of the American population was infected, if not yet with Covid, then with vaccophobia. Sitting glassy-eyed and slack-jawed in front of their TVs, an American vaccophobe listened to paid performers on Fox and Newsmax, all of whom had been quietly vaccinated, tell them that Covid was nothing but a liberal hoax, that the vaccine would allow the illegitimate Democratic government to take their freedoms and to monitor their location at every moment. If they didn't believe it, they could look it up on their smartphones.

by Monkey's Dad July 24, 2021