Mike Read's definitions

eastender

either a crap soap opera about cockney wanker or the real life place where true cockey waners live

everyone's talking about it- yeah they are saying thank fuck I don't live in the east end like these tossers.

by mike read August 7, 2003

jam bands

musical groups with a lyrical disposition towards preserves of all kinds.

by mike read August 7, 2003

knees up mother brown

national anthem of cockneyland

aind, knees ap muvva brahn, etc

by mike read August 7, 2003

mockney

someone who, bizarely, wishes they were a Cockney when they aren't one. Even more annoying than a cockney wanker since the latter can't help it, but a mockney is so by choice.

That Jamie Oliver is a right mockney wanker

by Mike Read July 27, 2003

mother in law

your wife's mother. a terrifying insight into what awaits you in 25 years time.

the wife's mother came around yesterday. I knew it was her as soon as she knocked on the door: all the mice threw themselvess onto the traps.

by mike read August 13, 2003

sock cooker

shameless little tramp who cooks her husband's socks at any available opportunity

oh yeah baby, cook my socks

by mike read August 13, 2003

Cockney Wanker

Someone from London, usually second hand car salesmen, who read the sun newspaper, call all women " dawlin' " (trans: darling) and general ponce about the place like they are something special.

Cor Blimey Guvnah, I'm a cockney wanker, and no mistake!

by Mike Read July 27, 2003