Mike Read's definitions
by mike read August 7, 2003
Get the tossing mug.national anthem of cockneyland
by mike read August 7, 2003
Get the knees up mother brown mug.someone who, bizarely, wishes they were a Cockney when they aren't one. Even more annoying than a cockney wanker since the latter can't help it, but a mockney is so by choice.
by Mike Read July 27, 2003
Get the mockney mug.Someone from London, usually second hand car salesmen, who read the sun newspaper, call all women " dawlin' " (trans: darling) and general ponce about the place like they are something special.
by Mike Read July 27, 2003
Get the Cockney Wanker mug.lit. from the French meaning 'double meaning.' a phrase or saying that has another connotation apart from the literal, almost always sexual in nature. A staple of the British 'carry on' series of films of thr 1960s and 70s, and the most excellent 'Bottom' TV show of the early 90s on the BBC
Eddie: Hang on, hang on hang on hang on. I've got your real present here.
Richie: It's a piece of paper. It is a small piece of paper.
Eddie: Read it.
Richie: "Madame Swish, three-thirty." Oh! Eddie! You haven't? Oh, what a pal you are. "Madame Swish". Ooh-err! Hohh, God, at last I'm really going to do it. And on my birthday as well! Ohhhggh, I wonder what she's like?
Eddie: She's a dead cert mate, a real stayer.
Richie:Really?
Eddie:Yeah, she'll come first.
Richie: What, before me? Good grief, that's quick. So she'll think I'm
great! Oh, what a pal you are! And it's all paid for?
Eddie: Um, not exactly, I need a tenner.
Richie: A tenner. Right. That's quite cheap, isn't it?
Eddie: Er, well, no, in that case it's a tenner each way.
Richie: Well, how many ways are there?
Eddie: Well, you'll come first, second or third, won't you?
Richie: Well how many people are going to be there?
Eddie: Well, a few thousand.
Richie: What?
Eddie: Well it's Kempton.
Richie:Kempton? I can't get down to Kempton by three-thirty!
Eddie: You don't have to mate, it'll be on the telly!
Richie: They're going to televise it? Well what if my auntie's watching?
Eddie: Well what's illegal about betting on a horse?
Richie: A horse?
Eddie: Yeah.
Richie: Madame Swish is, is, is a horse?
Eddie: Yeah! Well what did you think it was?
Richie: Oh no, nothing, nothing. Just checking.
Eddie:I have given you a red hot tip.
Richie: (looks at his crotch) I know, and there's nothing I can do about it now, is there!
Richie: It's a piece of paper. It is a small piece of paper.
Eddie: Read it.
Richie: "Madame Swish, three-thirty." Oh! Eddie! You haven't? Oh, what a pal you are. "Madame Swish". Ooh-err! Hohh, God, at last I'm really going to do it. And on my birthday as well! Ohhhggh, I wonder what she's like?
Eddie: She's a dead cert mate, a real stayer.
Richie:Really?
Eddie:Yeah, she'll come first.
Richie: What, before me? Good grief, that's quick. So she'll think I'm
great! Oh, what a pal you are! And it's all paid for?
Eddie: Um, not exactly, I need a tenner.
Richie: A tenner. Right. That's quite cheap, isn't it?
Eddie: Er, well, no, in that case it's a tenner each way.
Richie: Well, how many ways are there?
Eddie: Well, you'll come first, second or third, won't you?
Richie: Well how many people are going to be there?
Eddie: Well, a few thousand.
Richie: What?
Eddie: Well it's Kempton.
Richie:Kempton? I can't get down to Kempton by three-thirty!
Eddie: You don't have to mate, it'll be on the telly!
Richie: They're going to televise it? Well what if my auntie's watching?
Eddie: Well what's illegal about betting on a horse?
Richie: A horse?
Eddie: Yeah.
Richie: Madame Swish is, is, is a horse?
Eddie: Yeah! Well what did you think it was?
Richie: Oh no, nothing, nothing. Just checking.
Eddie:I have given you a red hot tip.
Richie: (looks at his crotch) I know, and there's nothing I can do about it now, is there!
by Mike Read April 17, 2004
Get the double entendre mug.by mike read August 7, 2003
Get the jam bands mug.everyone's talking about it- yeah they are saying thank fuck I don't live in the east end like these tossers.
by mike read August 7, 2003
Get the eastender mug.