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McCririck's unlucky Laundress's definitions

NW Twee

Proper noun: Hampstead. An area of North West London covered by postcode area NW3. Hampstead is populated largely by moneyed liberals, champagne socialists and aged ex-hippies which results in taste and style choices that are annoyingly twee. NW3 + twee = NW Twee.
Pronounced 'enn double you twee'.
"Tarquin and I are torn between renaming him 'Life' and 'Cactus'. It needs to be something that expresses his masculinity yet - bugger! He's puked his yak cheese and aniseed brûlé all over my pashmina shawl."
"Bloody hell Saskya, you're so NW Twee!"
mugGet the NW Tweemug.

stupidity tax

"God! Is that the time? Got to get to the shop and pay my stupidity tax."
"You'd be better off putting it on the 2nd favourite of the first horse race of every Saturday; buying premium bonds or even sticking the pound coins in a biscuit tin under the bed."
"I know, I know but I've been playing these same numbers for years now and if they came up I'd kick myself."
"I logged on to this website that explained how Lotto is a big swindle controlled by Freemasons who are anti-gambling and the number ball machine is rigged to give certain numbers."
"AAAGH! You bastard! You've made me late now! You wait, I bet my bloody numbers come up."
mugGet the stupidity taxmug.

rough as a badger's arse

Adjective: Very rough, either literally, as in an unshaven gentleman's chin or figuratively as in uncivilised or things or behaviour.
"The people who moved in next door have parked their tarmac wagon across our drive again and stolen all the apples off our tree."
"Good gracious, they're as rough as a badger's arse."
mugGet the rough as a badger's arsemug.

strapadicktome

Noun: A ratchet tool for tightening and then cutting the surplus off nylon cable ties or 'straps' without leaving a sharp point protruding.
Familiar due to sounding a bit like 'appendectomy'. Phrase in use by employees of GEC in UK in 1980s.
Shouted the length of a telephone exchange or similar electrical engineering environment "Who's got my strapadicktome? I'll have to trim these with side cutters."
mugGet the strapadicktomemug.

sausage muncher

Noun: a German person. kraut fritz squarehead.
All my material fell flatter than a witches tit last night - there was a big crowd of sausage munchers in - and now they've taken all the sun loungers.
mugGet the sausage munchermug.

duracell

Nickname or term of abuse for a person with ginger hair. Comes from the 1980s UK TV advert "Duracell, with the copper-coloured top: no ordinary battery looks like it or lasts like it."
Oi! Duracell, you are intrinsically unattractive. How did your ginger, freckled ancestor ever succeed in passing on their genes?
mugGet the duracellmug.

gentleman's relish

Noun: Spunk, jism, come baby gravy. There is actually a brand of anchovy paste in Britain called The Gentleman's Relish - Patum Peperium. Coincidentally, it's rather salty.
Do you like the taste of Gentleman's Relish, babe?
Don't know, never tried it.
Open wide. What's your name by the way?
mugGet the gentleman's relishmug.

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