Maxhole's definitions
snodgepocker (snodj pock er) NOUN. An annoying but endearing creature. Or is it endearing but annoying? Either way, you want to smack them, but can't because they are too Goddamned cute.
Like the cutest, fluffiest little kitten who keeps climbing up your legs and back with his needle-sharp claws to sit on your shoulder and purr.
Her- "How did he get stuck inside the piano?"
Him- "How? He's a hedgehog, that's what they do, look for dark places to curl up and sleep. And take a crap."
Her- "HE CRAPPED INSIDE MY PIANO!?"
(He pulls him out of the piano).
Him- "Sorry about that. Yeah, in't he a cute little snodgepocker?"
Her- "Ohhh... look at that little nosie!"
Him- "So... should we keep him, or call the Humane Society?"
Her- "He's making little piggy noises! We can't just give him away!"
Him- "So, what do you want to name him?"
Her- "Fluffy. Either Fluffy, or Shithead."
Him- "Welcome to the family, Shithead."
Her- "Can I hold him?"
Him- "Get your own damn hedgehog."
(she stands, staring.)
Him- "Shouldn't you be cleaning the shit out of your piano?"
Her- "I changed my mind about his name. I think he's more of a Fluffy."
Him- "Fluffy it is. Welcome to the family, Fluffy."
Her- "From now on, YOU'RE the one I'm calling Shithead."
Him- "There you go, sweet talkin' me again."
Her- "Just hand over the goddam hedgehog, Shithead."
Him- "OK. Here. Careful."
(He puts the hedgehog in her hands).
Her- "OW! Ow! What the fuck?! I am bleeding! You little fucker!"
Him- "The spines are sharp."
Her- "Ja think!?"
Him- "I told you to be careful."
Her- "He's grunting! What does that mean?"
Him- "It means he's hungry. I'll get him some food."
Her- "Oh, no you're not. I'M getting Fluffy's food. Aren't I , Fluffy? Fluffy says yes."
Him- "I'm coming along."
Her- "No, Fluffy says that Mr. Shithead should stay here to clean Fluffy's crap out of my piano. Doesn't he? Yesss he does."
Him- (grumbling) "Fucking hedgehog always takes her side."
Her- "How did he get stuck inside the piano?"
Him- "How? He's a hedgehog, that's what they do, look for dark places to curl up and sleep. And take a crap."
Her- "HE CRAPPED INSIDE MY PIANO!?"
(He pulls him out of the piano).
Him- "Sorry about that. Yeah, in't he a cute little snodgepocker?"
Her- "Ohhh... look at that little nosie!"
Him- "So... should we keep him, or call the Humane Society?"
Her- "He's making little piggy noises! We can't just give him away!"
Him- "So, what do you want to name him?"
Her- "Fluffy. Either Fluffy, or Shithead."
Him- "Welcome to the family, Shithead."
Her- "Can I hold him?"
Him- "Get your own damn hedgehog."
(she stands, staring.)
Him- "Shouldn't you be cleaning the shit out of your piano?"
Her- "I changed my mind about his name. I think he's more of a Fluffy."
Him- "Fluffy it is. Welcome to the family, Fluffy."
Her- "From now on, YOU'RE the one I'm calling Shithead."
Him- "There you go, sweet talkin' me again."
Her- "Just hand over the goddam hedgehog, Shithead."
Him- "OK. Here. Careful."
(He puts the hedgehog in her hands).
Her- "OW! Ow! What the fuck?! I am bleeding! You little fucker!"
Him- "The spines are sharp."
Her- "Ja think!?"
Him- "I told you to be careful."
Her- "He's grunting! What does that mean?"
Him- "It means he's hungry. I'll get him some food."
Her- "Oh, no you're not. I'M getting Fluffy's food. Aren't I , Fluffy? Fluffy says yes."
Him- "I'm coming along."
Her- "No, Fluffy says that Mr. Shithead should stay here to clean Fluffy's crap out of my piano. Doesn't he? Yesss he does."
Him- (grumbling) "Fucking hedgehog always takes her side."
by Maxhole June 23, 2009
Get the snodgepocker mug.Representatard (rep re zen tuh tard) NOUN. An extraordinarily stupid member of the U.S. House of Representatives.
Minnesota’s Michelle Bachmann is a prime example of a representatard. Here are a few quotes.
On gay marriage: “This is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, 30 years. I am not understating that.” — Michelle Bachmann, on “Prophetic Views Behind The News”, hosted by Jan Markell, KKMS 980-AM, March 20, 2004.
On what will happen if her same-sex marriage ban amendment fails to pass in 2004: “It isn’t that some gay will get some rights. It’s that everyone else in our state will lose rights. For instance, parents will lose the right to protect and direct the upbringing of their children. Because our K-12 public school system, of which 90 percent of all youth are in the public school system, they will be required to learn that homosexuality is normal, equal and perhaps you should try it. And that will occur immediately, that all schools will begin teaching homosexuality.” -Bachmann, on “Prophetic Views Behind The News”, hosted by Jan Markell, KKMS 980-AM, March 6, 2004.
"They look at this administration, and in the name of economic stimulus, they saw that this current liberal administration has legislation that is overflowing with wasteful government spending. And they might have heard about one of these wasteful projects. It is a brand new, billion-dollar high speed train that is going to go from Disneyland up to Las Vegas. A billion dollars of a widow's money to go to pay for a brand new ride essentially from Disneyland to Las Vegas. Harry Reid, the Senator from Nevada, was behind this measure, and it makes us wonder, is he more interested in making sure kids start gambling at younger ages?"
"Pelosi is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said that she's just trying to save the planet. We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago, they saved the planet -- we didn't need Nancy Pelosi to do that."
"Many teenagers that come in should be paying the employer because of broken dishes or whatever occurs during that period of time. But you know what? After six months, that teenager is going to be a fabulous employee and is going to go on a trajectory where he's going to be making so much money, we'll be borrowing money from him." —Michelle Bachmann, 1/26/05, explains why teens should pay employers for the privilege of working instead of receiving minimum wage.
"I had high heels on and I just couldn't stand anymore. I was not in the bushes." -Bachman on why she was hiding in the bushes spying on a gay rights rally.
On gay marriage: “This is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, 30 years. I am not understating that.” — Michelle Bachmann, on “Prophetic Views Behind The News”, hosted by Jan Markell, KKMS 980-AM, March 20, 2004.
On what will happen if her same-sex marriage ban amendment fails to pass in 2004: “It isn’t that some gay will get some rights. It’s that everyone else in our state will lose rights. For instance, parents will lose the right to protect and direct the upbringing of their children. Because our K-12 public school system, of which 90 percent of all youth are in the public school system, they will be required to learn that homosexuality is normal, equal and perhaps you should try it. And that will occur immediately, that all schools will begin teaching homosexuality.” -Bachmann, on “Prophetic Views Behind The News”, hosted by Jan Markell, KKMS 980-AM, March 6, 2004.
"They look at this administration, and in the name of economic stimulus, they saw that this current liberal administration has legislation that is overflowing with wasteful government spending. And they might have heard about one of these wasteful projects. It is a brand new, billion-dollar high speed train that is going to go from Disneyland up to Las Vegas. A billion dollars of a widow's money to go to pay for a brand new ride essentially from Disneyland to Las Vegas. Harry Reid, the Senator from Nevada, was behind this measure, and it makes us wonder, is he more interested in making sure kids start gambling at younger ages?"
"Pelosi is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said that she's just trying to save the planet. We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago, they saved the planet -- we didn't need Nancy Pelosi to do that."
"Many teenagers that come in should be paying the employer because of broken dishes or whatever occurs during that period of time. But you know what? After six months, that teenager is going to be a fabulous employee and is going to go on a trajectory where he's going to be making so much money, we'll be borrowing money from him." —Michelle Bachmann, 1/26/05, explains why teens should pay employers for the privilege of working instead of receiving minimum wage.
"I had high heels on and I just couldn't stand anymore. I was not in the bushes." -Bachman on why she was hiding in the bushes spying on a gay rights rally.
by Maxhole June 22, 2009
Get the Representatard mug.poetronics (po et ron iks) NOUN. Circuitry or software that writes poetry. One example is, "Poetry CreatOR 2," an online poetry generator (created by Jeff Lewis, Erik Sincoff with help from Darin and Thad Nicholson).
An example of poetronics:
The Dancing Lady
by Anonymous
A robin travels from the alarmed Fuckmuffins,
Where the size of the revolver was all that matters
Transferring out, into the distance, the red wagon kicks.
Thrice she said with flattering hairs and horny sighs.
The day wearies, the hunting of pandas is fruitless, come to my embrace
Ecstaticness washed over she like a listless thorn,
With a youthful cluck and a magnanimous conceive we pressed onward
Cast me down from heaven for lying of dark palaces.
So deal not with this once thy glorious TV repairman.
The Dancing Lady
by Anonymous
A robin travels from the alarmed Fuckmuffins,
Where the size of the revolver was all that matters
Transferring out, into the distance, the red wagon kicks.
Thrice she said with flattering hairs and horny sighs.
The day wearies, the hunting of pandas is fruitless, come to my embrace
Ecstaticness washed over she like a listless thorn,
With a youthful cluck and a magnanimous conceive we pressed onward
Cast me down from heaven for lying of dark palaces.
So deal not with this once thy glorious TV repairman.
by Maxhole June 22, 2009
Get the poetronics mug.Witless Protection Program (wit less pro tek shun pro gram) NOUN. An organization devoted to saving clueless people from the consequences of their stupidity.
Molly- Did you just threaten to kill the president?
Conrad- No, I said he's going to get shot.
Molly- How would you know?
Conrad- He's GOT to, nobody's going to stand for Obama giving a million dollars to every black person in the country!
Molly- What makes you think he's going to do that?
Conrad- Oh it's obvious. You know the way all those blacks work together.
(she scribbles something on a scrap of paper).
Molly- You are going to need this number.
Conrad- Who's this?
Molly- That's the number for the Witless Protection Program.
Conrad- No, I said he's going to get shot.
Molly- How would you know?
Conrad- He's GOT to, nobody's going to stand for Obama giving a million dollars to every black person in the country!
Molly- What makes you think he's going to do that?
Conrad- Oh it's obvious. You know the way all those blacks work together.
(she scribbles something on a scrap of paper).
Molly- You are going to need this number.
Conrad- Who's this?
Molly- That's the number for the Witless Protection Program.
by Maxhole June 25, 2009
Get the Witless Protection Program mug.Bro- Yaah! What the Hell!? A little animal just grabbed my ankle!
Sis- I see you met our Spadget.
Bro- He came out of nowhere!
Sis- That is his way.
Bro- Where'd he go?
Sis- One does not question the ways of the Spadget.
Bro- Why are you talking that way?
Sis- What way am I talking?
Bro- Like everything is some big mystical experience.
Sis- Oh. Sorry. It's just the way we talk about him here.
Bro- WHY?
Sis- We don't know where he came from, where he goes to sleep, what he eats, or if he's feral or somebody's pet that went wild.
Bro- Fucking thing could have rabies. Am I bleeding?
Sis- No.
Bro- You didn't even look!
Sis- He never breaks the skin.
Bro- Well, he's not wild, then. That's good.
Sis- We tried to catch him to take him to a vet to get him his vaccinations. Every time, we'd come out in the morning to find the bait gone and the trap empty.
Bro- Cool! So he's smart.
Sis- He's a furry little Einstein.
Bro- C'mere... Come here, little guy... Spadget... Spadgie-wadgie...
Sis- Oh, he doesn't come when you call.
Bro- Here, Spadgie... here boy... Want some beef jerky?
Sis- He's not going to come. He doesn't know you're calling his name... Oh my... what the fuck?
Bro- What a GOOD BOYYY...
Sis- Oh my gaw... WE HAVE BEEN OFFERING HIM ALL KINDS OF FOOD FOR THREE YEARS! And you've got him eating out of your hand!
Bro- Did you try beef jerky?
Sis- Yes, we tried EVERYTHING.
Bro- Even teriyaki flavor? Oh look, he likes having his belly scratched.
Sis- He's never even let me touch him! He never lets ANYONE touch him!
Bro- He's making little trilling sounds. Shhh. I think he's falling asleep.
Sis- I don't believe it. How did you get him to come out?
Bro- One does not question the ways of The Spadget.
Sis- Asshole.
Sis- I see you met our Spadget.
Bro- He came out of nowhere!
Sis- That is his way.
Bro- Where'd he go?
Sis- One does not question the ways of the Spadget.
Bro- Why are you talking that way?
Sis- What way am I talking?
Bro- Like everything is some big mystical experience.
Sis- Oh. Sorry. It's just the way we talk about him here.
Bro- WHY?
Sis- We don't know where he came from, where he goes to sleep, what he eats, or if he's feral or somebody's pet that went wild.
Bro- Fucking thing could have rabies. Am I bleeding?
Sis- No.
Bro- You didn't even look!
Sis- He never breaks the skin.
Bro- Well, he's not wild, then. That's good.
Sis- We tried to catch him to take him to a vet to get him his vaccinations. Every time, we'd come out in the morning to find the bait gone and the trap empty.
Bro- Cool! So he's smart.
Sis- He's a furry little Einstein.
Bro- C'mere... Come here, little guy... Spadget... Spadgie-wadgie...
Sis- Oh, he doesn't come when you call.
Bro- Here, Spadgie... here boy... Want some beef jerky?
Sis- He's not going to come. He doesn't know you're calling his name... Oh my... what the fuck?
Bro- What a GOOD BOYYY...
Sis- Oh my gaw... WE HAVE BEEN OFFERING HIM ALL KINDS OF FOOD FOR THREE YEARS! And you've got him eating out of your hand!
Bro- Did you try beef jerky?
Sis- Yes, we tried EVERYTHING.
Bro- Even teriyaki flavor? Oh look, he likes having his belly scratched.
Sis- He's never even let me touch him! He never lets ANYONE touch him!
Bro- He's making little trilling sounds. Shhh. I think he's falling asleep.
Sis- I don't believe it. How did you get him to come out?
Bro- One does not question the ways of The Spadget.
Sis- Asshole.
by Maxhole June 24, 2009
Get the spadget mug."Every few seconds the sow would shudder and 'squorp,' out would pop another piglet like a melon seed.
by Maxhole June 18, 2009
Get the squorp mug."I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best." -George W. Bush, Jan. 12, 2009
"I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president." -George W. Bush, Nov. 12, 2008
"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." -George W. Bush, April 28, 2005
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." -George W. Bush, Aug. 5, 2004
Are good examples of witlessisms.
"I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president." -George W. Bush, Nov. 12, 2008
"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." -George W. Bush, April 28, 2005
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." -George W. Bush, Aug. 5, 2004
Are good examples of witlessisms.
by Maxhole June 25, 2009
Get the witlessism mug.