Birth Control Shirt

This is a shirt my first husband got second hand and I could tell why. As soon as he put that shirt on, it looked so bad that I was forced to shut my eyes because it was emotionally traumatizing to look at it. The combination of print, pattern and color produced such a cataclysm of visual assault that I needed six months of therapy to deal with it. It is the equivalent of seeing your loved one wearing a Jason from Halloween mask, which is almost as scary.

When my husband wore the birth control shirt, I knew that there would be no chance of him cheating on me. I was surprised it didn't render him sterile. It was one ugly-ass unflattering shirt. I threw it away and he divorced me anyway.

by MadamexXx March 13, 2009

Albino

Human or animal lacking in melanin, causing them to have literally white skin (or fur), pink eyes and poor vision. I don't know much about them, but my sister and I are really afraid of them. I had a supervisor who was half-albino and he scared the crap outta me. One time this albino guy stared at me and it freaked me out. It's still scary to think about.

Once I was walking up the street and saw an albino standing outside of a store. I got super scared and crossed the street. As I passed him from across the street, I snuck a look at him. He was really a manniquin who was moving around from the wind outside,a very human-looking manniquin. I feel like a damn fool, but I still won't go into that store. My apology to any albino who's reading this.

by MadamexXx March 18, 2009

Negging

Low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances. This is something no decent guy would do. They say that the assholes get the girls, but I can spot negging a mile away and I reject these fuckers straight off.

Everywhere there is an insecure pretty girl, there is some guy negging.
Negging can be so subtle, it's pratically undetectable.
I was wondering why that guy was complimenting me while putting me down. He was negging of course.

by MadamexXx March 02, 2009

Jive Turkey

Someone who exaggerates to the point where it's over the top and they are way full of shit. This person hasn't learned the meaning of overkill when it comes to building themself up or buttering someone else up. This is often a child who is trying to flatter an adult with sophomoric compliments. This is often used as a sexual ploy as well. A big insult in the African-American community.

Lily is a little girl who will tell you that you have the bluest eyes she's ever seen and the whitest teeth. She's a jive turkey.
This dude was trying to holler at me asking what a nice girl like me was doing in a place like this. What a jive turkey!
Alexandria is a pathological liar, and is Queen of the Jive Turkeys.
Someone was trying to mack to Daddy Pimp Juice's girl and she told the Jive Turkey to step off while listening to The Ohio Players song "Jive Turkey."

by MadamexXx February 25, 2009

Orientate

The word is supposed to be "orient." I'm not sure why people think orientate is the word, but it sounds like something dumb people make up to sound intelligent. They need to orient themselves with the English language.

I went to orientation to become orientated.
I'm not redneck-orientated. I know how to speak English.
Everytime I hear the word "Orientated" I want to cringe. It's as bad as hearing the word "ain't" or "warsh."

by MadamexXx February 24, 2009

Warsh

How people on the Jerry Springer show say "wash" and don't know any better.
"Wash" rhymes with "Posh" and "Mosh," not "Harsh" or "Marsh" or how Goofy says "Gosh" which is "Garsh!"

If you think the way to pronounce wash is warsh, then you've been brainwarshed.

by MadamexXx February 25, 2009

The Hit and Run

When somebody says something really messed up or innappropriate, then flees the scene. You are left feeling horrible and they get away with it because they are not there for you to retaliate.

My uncle has anger management issues. He insulted my son for embarassing him and then left the room before anyone could say anything. It was a real Hit and Run.
This dude I rejected told me my boyfriend was playing me with a sneering look of delight on his face, but then quickly walked away. Only a punk-ass bastard would do The Hit and Run like that.

by MadamexXx February 24, 2009