22 definitions by Luke Warm
Jade is a generally green semi precious gemstone and as well as being a colour (Hex: 558A84 RGB: 85,138,132.) It is also the best name for a female (of any species) The name Jade is best suited to someone with dark hair and tends to conjure up an oriental feel (mmm... sounds hot)
The love of my life,
My reason for existence;
All my dreams come true,
I offer no resistance.
Bad poetry will I write,
far past the end of time;
my drink of choice is vodka,
with soda, lemon and lime.
Life is hard, I must admit my despair
I am in love, all should be so sweet
What is so right cannot be wrong
I love you
Note: it is the authors opinion that poetry does not have to rhyme. This point is especially valid when the poetry in question is of such a poor standard as is the case above.
However; this is of no importance as
I love Jade and I will continue to regardless of everything
Jade is Sweetness
Tracey is a Bogan
I am and have always been The lowest priority
My reason for existence;
All my dreams come true,
I offer no resistance.
Bad poetry will I write,
far past the end of time;
my drink of choice is vodka,
with soda, lemon and lime.
Life is hard, I must admit my despair
I am in love, all should be so sweet
What is so right cannot be wrong
I love you
Note: it is the authors opinion that poetry does not have to rhyme. This point is especially valid when the poetry in question is of such a poor standard as is the case above.
However; this is of no importance as
I love Jade and I will continue to regardless of everything
Jade is Sweetness
Tracey is a Bogan
I am and have always been The lowest priority
by Luke Warm December 23, 2008
A term used to describe what everyone should do. whether it be your own or someone elses: we must all 'Love the Cock' - you know its true (would I lie to you?)
by Luke Warm August 15, 2008
Australian or New Zealander who possesses no class at all
Refer: white trash, red-neck, trailer trash, alcoholic, breeder, simpleton, Victorian, Geelong, Prahran, Shepparton
Refer: white trash, red-neck, trailer trash, alcoholic, breeder, simpleton, Victorian, Geelong, Prahran, Shepparton
The traditional Bogan:
Identification key for the male of the species:
Black desert boots, tight black jeans, blue singlet or black t-shirt (AC-DC etc), blue chequered flannelette (flanny) long sleeved shirt.
Mullet haircut (Short at the front, long at the back – refer: Billy Ray Cyrus The haircut with its own motto: 'Business at the front, party at the back' in some circles also referred to as: 'Party at the back, business at the front' Either way it is still a shit haircut.
Smokes ‘winfield blues’, these are generally located rolled up in the sleeve of the ‘flanny’
Drinks Victoria Bitter (VB)
Drives a generally loud V8 Holden or Ford with a stupid sticker on the back taking the piss out of the make of car that they do not drive; or simply stating the make/model of car that they do drive, just in case they forget.
Identification key for the female of the species:
Loud whore with way too many snotty brats, horrible shrill voice, shocking accent, really stupid (no analogy available), shops at Safeway, also possesses all of the traits of the male of the species.
Social activities include: going down the pub, drinking, arguing, violence, breeding, prejudice of all varieties, watching the footy, watching Big Brother, watching Greys anatomy, watching today tonight and A current affair to see what their relatives are up to, watching the cricket, ten-pin bowling, doing burnouts and bog laps (bogan laps = driving around town just because), filling the front yard up with cars thereby further devaluing the neighbourhood, bbq’s and referring to everyone else as bogans (no I am not a bogan; don’t be a smart-arse lol)
The contemporary Bogan:
White trash with a severe American influence on their language, social skills and lack of fashion sense.
Friday 26/12/2008
Identification key for the male of the species:
Black desert boots, tight black jeans, blue singlet or black t-shirt (AC-DC etc), blue chequered flannelette (flanny) long sleeved shirt.
Mullet haircut (Short at the front, long at the back – refer: Billy Ray Cyrus The haircut with its own motto: 'Business at the front, party at the back' in some circles also referred to as: 'Party at the back, business at the front' Either way it is still a shit haircut.
Smokes ‘winfield blues’, these are generally located rolled up in the sleeve of the ‘flanny’
Drinks Victoria Bitter (VB)
Drives a generally loud V8 Holden or Ford with a stupid sticker on the back taking the piss out of the make of car that they do not drive; or simply stating the make/model of car that they do drive, just in case they forget.
Identification key for the female of the species:
Loud whore with way too many snotty brats, horrible shrill voice, shocking accent, really stupid (no analogy available), shops at Safeway, also possesses all of the traits of the male of the species.
Social activities include: going down the pub, drinking, arguing, violence, breeding, prejudice of all varieties, watching the footy, watching Big Brother, watching Greys anatomy, watching today tonight and A current affair to see what their relatives are up to, watching the cricket, ten-pin bowling, doing burnouts and bog laps (bogan laps = driving around town just because), filling the front yard up with cars thereby further devaluing the neighbourhood, bbq’s and referring to everyone else as bogans (no I am not a bogan; don’t be a smart-arse lol)
The contemporary Bogan:
White trash with a severe American influence on their language, social skills and lack of fashion sense.
Friday 26/12/2008
by Luke Warm January 5, 2009
1. Something that is used to assist with the modification of an object or situation.
2. Something that is used to create or destroy.
3. Slang synonym for the males sexual reproduction whatsit.
4. Someone who does seemingly silly things; often used as a term of endearment, but not always!
2. Something that is used to create or destroy.
3. Slang synonym for the males sexual reproduction whatsit.
4. Someone who does seemingly silly things; often used as a term of endearment, but not always!
I am a tool because I have been used to:
Improve someones ego;
Distract them from the mediocrity of their own existance;
Make someone else jealous;
To improve someones elses relationship (how bizarre);
To get them a valentines day present (this year)
For love.
For happiness.
For laughter.
To do everything for them, and in return:
To accept all of the guilt.
To hold all of the pain.
To take all of the blame.
(It was never a game).
A good tradesman respects his tools!!
A Hammer is a tool both used to create and to destroy.
My penis is a somewhat rusty tool I must admit (only from lack of use!!).
I hit my penis with a hammer while making pancakes (as you do)
That sure modified the fuck out of both the objects involved and the situation:
I created a lot of pain
I destroyed the pancake batter (all over the floor), and my willy - must admit i chipped a bit off of the hammer handle too!!
I hit my tool with a tool; I am such a tool
I do not regret being a tool - my penis however has a somewhat different (slanted) view on the subject
Sunday 02/11/2008
Improve someones ego;
Distract them from the mediocrity of their own existance;
Make someone else jealous;
To improve someones elses relationship (how bizarre);
To get them a valentines day present (this year)
For love.
For happiness.
For laughter.
To do everything for them, and in return:
To accept all of the guilt.
To hold all of the pain.
To take all of the blame.
(It was never a game).
A good tradesman respects his tools!!
A Hammer is a tool both used to create and to destroy.
My penis is a somewhat rusty tool I must admit (only from lack of use!!).
I hit my penis with a hammer while making pancakes (as you do)
That sure modified the fuck out of both the objects involved and the situation:
I created a lot of pain
I destroyed the pancake batter (all over the floor), and my willy - must admit i chipped a bit off of the hammer handle too!!
I hit my tool with a tool; I am such a tool
I do not regret being a tool - my penis however has a somewhat different (slanted) view on the subject
Sunday 02/11/2008
by Luke Warm December 20, 2008
An expression used to convey various reactions to events. ‘What the fuck?’ may be used in an attempt to explain any one or combination of the reactions/emotions listed below and then some.
A: Confusion
B: Incredulous confusion
C: Surprise
D: Disappointment
E: Hurt
F: Anger
G: Ironically
A: Confusion
B: Incredulous confusion
C: Surprise
D: Disappointment
E: Hurt
F: Anger
G: Ironically
‘What the fuck?’ Is rarely used as a positive statement; however it may be used ironically to convey such is life (refer ex G)
*Note: The ‘McDonalds’ referred to in the following examples is not the all too familiar icon of western civilisation that sells a wide variety of meal choices at prices that are reasonable to the consumer.
The use of the name ‘McDonalds’ is pure coincidence; the name (as applied to the examples below) was randomly generated using a super-dooper computer.
A: Confusion
I was walking past McDonalds the other day; it smelt disgusting. So I was like “What the fuck? Why would you want to eat that?”
B: Incredulous confusion
“What the fuck? All of the people driving into McDonalds look like cheeseburgers!!
C: Surprise
“What the fuck Tracey; is that your mother working at McDonalds in her hot knickers making cheeseburgers?
D: Disappointment
“What the fuck is the world coming to when people are willing to eat greasy cheesys from McDonalds?
E: Hurt
Oh God, what the fuck? How could you eat that cheeseburger from McDonalds? Can’t you see how much anguish and sorrow it causes me to watch you stuff that disgusting in every way symbol of everything that is wrong with the world into your mouth and watch the grease drip down from your lips over your chins, one after another. At the very least it hurts my stomach; what with all the vomiting induced just by the thought of McDonalds cheeseburger consumption by the average overweight western society individual who has little concern for where the produce comes from, the conditions of those involved, the environmental ramifications of fast food production, the nippl… <rant maximum allowable length reached>
F: Anger
What the fuck?
You fuckin’ barstool
There is a maximum length for rants?
I didn’t know that; it makes me very angry, oh yes indeed
Fuckin McDonalds cheeseburgers
G: Ironically
What the fuck kind of a word is ironical; I guess it would have been too much to ask to have a decent name for ironical. It’s a stupid moronical word
*$$* This entire rant (and all sub-rants etc contained within) has not been endorsed by the wonderful people at the greatest corporation in the whole universe – McDonalds *$$*
mmm… Subway
Sunday 09/11/2008
*Note: The ‘McDonalds’ referred to in the following examples is not the all too familiar icon of western civilisation that sells a wide variety of meal choices at prices that are reasonable to the consumer.
The use of the name ‘McDonalds’ is pure coincidence; the name (as applied to the examples below) was randomly generated using a super-dooper computer.
A: Confusion
I was walking past McDonalds the other day; it smelt disgusting. So I was like “What the fuck? Why would you want to eat that?”
B: Incredulous confusion
“What the fuck? All of the people driving into McDonalds look like cheeseburgers!!
C: Surprise
“What the fuck Tracey; is that your mother working at McDonalds in her hot knickers making cheeseburgers?
D: Disappointment
“What the fuck is the world coming to when people are willing to eat greasy cheesys from McDonalds?
E: Hurt
Oh God, what the fuck? How could you eat that cheeseburger from McDonalds? Can’t you see how much anguish and sorrow it causes me to watch you stuff that disgusting in every way symbol of everything that is wrong with the world into your mouth and watch the grease drip down from your lips over your chins, one after another. At the very least it hurts my stomach; what with all the vomiting induced just by the thought of McDonalds cheeseburger consumption by the average overweight western society individual who has little concern for where the produce comes from, the conditions of those involved, the environmental ramifications of fast food production, the nippl… <rant maximum allowable length reached>
F: Anger
What the fuck?
You fuckin’ barstool
There is a maximum length for rants?
I didn’t know that; it makes me very angry, oh yes indeed
Fuckin McDonalds cheeseburgers
G: Ironically
What the fuck kind of a word is ironical; I guess it would have been too much to ask to have a decent name for ironical. It’s a stupid moronical word
*$$* This entire rant (and all sub-rants etc contained within) has not been endorsed by the wonderful people at the greatest corporation in the whole universe – McDonalds *$$*
mmm… Subway
Sunday 09/11/2008
by Luke Warm December 22, 2008
An expression used to convey various reactions to events. ‘What the fuck?’ may be used in an attempt to explain any one or combination of the reactions/emotions listed below and then some.
A: Confusion
B: Incredulous confusion
C: Surprise
D: Disappointment
E: Hurt
F: Anger
G: Ironically
A: Confusion
B: Incredulous confusion
C: Surprise
D: Disappointment
E: Hurt
F: Anger
G: Ironically
‘What the fuck?’ Is rarely used as a positive statement; however it may be used ironically to convey such is life (refer ex G)
A: Confusion
Why would someone use someone else who is in love with them?
B: Incredulous confusion
How could you use me to make him jealous?, to get yourself a valentines day present?, to add some excitement to your life?, to distract you?, to improve your ego?, to do most of your study?, to improve your sex life?
C: Surprise
It is a surprise to me that people can even think that way, can lie so much even to themselves, can take pleasure from causing others pain, can actually be proud of themselves for being a total arsehole
D: Disappointment
It disappoints me that even now you cannot tell the truth; that you can forget so much so easily; that it was all a lie, all just a game to you
E: Hurt
Guess what? – when you think you can feel no more pain, there is always more. To be lied to and used by someone that you have given yourself to is more hurt than anyone should have to feel
F: Anger
I am angry at myself for being a tool; I sometimes feel anger towards Tracey for being a bogan
G: Ironically
Everything I do even now, benefits you in your little game and hurts me even more. Every chance I give you just allows you to tell more lies; I am sick of Tracey time. I will talk to him, the truth will by known one way or the other. This is between us three; if he will not speak to me, I will speak to others. I have given more than enough opportunities for the truth to be told. This cannot continue. You will always be a Victorian
Tuesday 11/11/2008
A: Confusion
Why would someone use someone else who is in love with them?
B: Incredulous confusion
How could you use me to make him jealous?, to get yourself a valentines day present?, to add some excitement to your life?, to distract you?, to improve your ego?, to do most of your study?, to improve your sex life?
C: Surprise
It is a surprise to me that people can even think that way, can lie so much even to themselves, can take pleasure from causing others pain, can actually be proud of themselves for being a total arsehole
D: Disappointment
It disappoints me that even now you cannot tell the truth; that you can forget so much so easily; that it was all a lie, all just a game to you
E: Hurt
Guess what? – when you think you can feel no more pain, there is always more. To be lied to and used by someone that you have given yourself to is more hurt than anyone should have to feel
F: Anger
I am angry at myself for being a tool; I sometimes feel anger towards Tracey for being a bogan
G: Ironically
Everything I do even now, benefits you in your little game and hurts me even more. Every chance I give you just allows you to tell more lies; I am sick of Tracey time. I will talk to him, the truth will by known one way or the other. This is between us three; if he will not speak to me, I will speak to others. I have given more than enough opportunities for the truth to be told. This cannot continue. You will always be a Victorian
Tuesday 11/11/2008
by Luke Warm December 22, 2008
Abstaining from sexual activities for whatever reason
Cliff Richard is a member of the Church of Cliff Richard (I have my own doubts on the validity of his claim though)
Cliff Richard is a member of the Church of Cliff Richard (I have my own doubts on the validity of his claim though)
There are a wide variety of circumstances/choices that may qualify one for induction into the Church of Cliff Richard.
These include but are certainly not limited to:
1. Lack of interest
2. Lack of opportunity
3. Lack of effort
4. Lack of time
5. Lack of intelligence
6. Lack of self esteem/self worth/meaning/ego/gerbils/etc
7. Lack of puberty
8. Lack of appendages (apologies to those lacking appendages. Second hand hardly used or virgin appendages can be purchased at the gift shop of your local ‘Cliff’ – most of these have been repeatedly polished to perfection by experts in their field)
9. Physically unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
10. Emotionally unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
11. Morally unattractive to that which you are attracted to. (not necessarily a bad thing if they are evil n’ stuff, Bogans,)
12. Financially unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
13. Painful history/ poor choice in previous co-pilots on the airship of love
Excerpt from ‘The big book of Cliff – Chapter 11 The toe of the camel, verse 8:
And Cliffs half-brother Ralph’s next door neighbour’s grand daughter’s friend’s uncle did sayeth:
“I do believe there is at least one soul mate out there for everyone.
But there are approximately 6,869,575,369 (Six Billion, eight hundred and sixty nine million, five hundred and seventy five thousand, three hundred and sixty nine) people on this planet (most of them Bogans – that is a truck load of Bogans) at the moment; give up now, more chance of winning the lottery than finding true love. There is also the possibility that your soul mate could be born on the day that you die at the ripe old age of 267 after an extremely long, lonely, boring and meaningless life; that would kind of suck, but on the bright side you would be dead so you wouldn’t know anyway ”
Go Cliff, its ya birfday
…on Monday 14/10/1940
Hmm… “Monday’s child is fair of face” – too true, Cliff always did have very nice facial skin – very tanned for a Pom, very tanned indeed.
Luke Warm is a proud (refer: tool) member of the Church of Cliff Richard
While this is not a philosophy that I preach in the streets; it is who I am and is very important to me (refer: tool).
Anything or anyone that has an issue with my beliefs is more than welcome to do whatever they wish as long as it does not involve turning me on in anyway. You have been warned, I will most likely explode …and then some from any external stimuli regardless of whether it be emotional or physical.
Remember kids…
“It is indeed rad and hot to be Cliff
You cannot get hurt if you do not have feelings.
Close your heart and your soul, limit your mind; be one with nothing.”
Saturday 20/12/2008
These include but are certainly not limited to:
1. Lack of interest
2. Lack of opportunity
3. Lack of effort
4. Lack of time
5. Lack of intelligence
6. Lack of self esteem/self worth/meaning/ego/gerbils/etc
7. Lack of puberty
8. Lack of appendages (apologies to those lacking appendages. Second hand hardly used or virgin appendages can be purchased at the gift shop of your local ‘Cliff’ – most of these have been repeatedly polished to perfection by experts in their field)
9. Physically unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
10. Emotionally unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
11. Morally unattractive to that which you are attracted to. (not necessarily a bad thing if they are evil n’ stuff, Bogans,)
12. Financially unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
13. Painful history/ poor choice in previous co-pilots on the airship of love
Excerpt from ‘The big book of Cliff – Chapter 11 The toe of the camel, verse 8:
And Cliffs half-brother Ralph’s next door neighbour’s grand daughter’s friend’s uncle did sayeth:
“I do believe there is at least one soul mate out there for everyone.
But there are approximately 6,869,575,369 (Six Billion, eight hundred and sixty nine million, five hundred and seventy five thousand, three hundred and sixty nine) people on this planet (most of them Bogans – that is a truck load of Bogans) at the moment; give up now, more chance of winning the lottery than finding true love. There is also the possibility that your soul mate could be born on the day that you die at the ripe old age of 267 after an extremely long, lonely, boring and meaningless life; that would kind of suck, but on the bright side you would be dead so you wouldn’t know anyway ”
Go Cliff, its ya birfday
…on Monday 14/10/1940
Hmm… “Monday’s child is fair of face” – too true, Cliff always did have very nice facial skin – very tanned for a Pom, very tanned indeed.
Luke Warm is a proud (refer: tool) member of the Church of Cliff Richard
While this is not a philosophy that I preach in the streets; it is who I am and is very important to me (refer: tool).
Anything or anyone that has an issue with my beliefs is more than welcome to do whatever they wish as long as it does not involve turning me on in anyway. You have been warned, I will most likely explode …and then some from any external stimuli regardless of whether it be emotional or physical.
Remember kids…
“It is indeed rad and hot to be Cliff
You cannot get hurt if you do not have feelings.
Close your heart and your soul, limit your mind; be one with nothing.”
Saturday 20/12/2008
by Luke Warm December 22, 2008