Skip to main content

Definitions by Lord Grimcock

Natalie Portman

Appallingly bad wedge-faced actress, career sustained by membership of the Tribe and fanatical crypto-paedophilic fanbase.

Having said that, I had all sorts of filthy ideas watching 'Leon'.

'V for Vendetta' is one of the worst films ever made, in large part thanks to her lack of talent, though to be fair the script, direction and premise fucked it from the off.

Haven't seen 'Closer', don't plan to.
I'd give Natalie Portman one between the jewbs, nan, but I'd be doing her a fucking favour.
Natalie Portman by Lord Grimcock August 28, 2007

Kevin Smith 

A rotund, insufferably smug oxygen thief inexplicably granted an endless supply of cash to write / produce / direct / 'act' in an agonising series of self-gratifying filmic shit.

'Clerks' was passable at the time of its making, but he wanked it dry, and the whole setup is no longer either believable or funny.

It doesn't help that he can't write - his supposedly quirky 'observational' stuff is painfully contrived - and that none of the otherwise unknown cronies that populate his lead roles film after film can act.

Still, while he, Michael Bay et al continue to find work there's hope for the least of us.
I never thought my screenplay 'Lindsay Dawn And Deng Xiaoping In The Quest For The Cunt Of Mohammed' would sell until I saw Kevin Smith's 'Clerks 2'.
Kevin Smith by Lord Grimcock August 28, 2007

Homochrist 

In the word of kvlt, the nemesis and antipole of the Most Austere One, the Necrowizard.

The Homochrist's lukewarm powers are constantly infiltrating and warping mortal affairs, tainting all that is grim and enticing humanity towards his own elemental gayness.

Kvlt lore prophesises that the Homochrist will rematerialise over Palestine late in the Fourth Vorn, shortly before the final battle with the forces of Kvlt. Proceeding from Norway, the Necrowizard will encounter the Homochrist at Varghnorghnaul, somewhere in the vicinity of Goole.

There the Necrowizard will ritually challenge his bitter rival to mortal kömbat. The Homochrist will decline out of principle, and immediately be cloven in half with the Sword of Xfonshjuahh'k.

A most morbific jubilation will follow among all true necrolytes at the breaking of the gay Fourth Vorn and the ushering-in of the Fifth or Forlorn Vorn of eternal terror and despair. This too will mark the reinversion of the uninverted crosses of P'thwaaangjhiuth and the billion-year reign of darkness that is the fondest wish of all true necrolytes.

HAIL THE NECROWIZARD.
You can't possibly be thinking of buying that Green Day CD? Those cunts are the arse-welkins of the Homochrist.
Homochrist by Lord Grimcock August 28, 2007

woggerel 

Tub-thumping ethnic poetry of no particular merit. It is estimated that if some means were found of converting woggerel into energy, Maya Angelou alone could power the whole of Kettering.
'Benjamin Zephaniah's latest compilation of self-justifying arsewad is pure woggerel.'

'Thank you Germaine. Tom Paulin?'
woggerel by Lord Grimcock August 26, 2007
Medical shorthand. Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination.
Female, 19, mild foot pain. 5ml sodium pentathol. TUBE.
TUBE by Lord Grimcock August 26, 2007
Medical shorthand. Guardian Reader Of Limited Intelligence In Ethnic Skirt.
Female, 45, complaining of intense stress-related chest pain. Diagnosis: GROLIES. Prescription: 5mg ketamine, diurnal, to be taken anally.
GROLIES by Lord Grimcock August 26, 2007
Archaic. A means of denoting one who is not too bright.
'Faith, Mowbray, th'art in sooth a knave and a fuckard.
fuckard by Lord Grimcock August 25, 2007