70 definitions by Lord Grimcock

Post Office slang for fragile items that have, possibly deliberately, been smashed. Failed Under Kinetic Testing.
This Dambusters clock plate's came from the main sorting office and it looks like it's FUKT.
by Lord Grimcock August 28, 2007
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With a loving partner, after a long night of fornication, to husband the combined essence of your ejaculate, gleet and the lady's fannybatter and, when available, menstrual runoff; to mix it with the contents of the liquor cabinet, fetch two straws and share a tall glass of the results.
The night we shared our first rainbow cocktail was the night I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Ah wait, I tell a lie - we done it once before the night you was conceived.
by Lord Grimcock September 4, 2007
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The agonisingly painful experience that is fellatio from a person with big teeth - be it Janet Street Porter, Lara Lewington, Esther Rantzen or indeed the eponymous Ken Dodd.
'Fancy another Dodd job, Normski?'

'No thank you Janet. By the way, have you seen the iodine?'

(credit: Profanisaurus)
by Lord Grimcock May 26, 2008
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A paedophile, a nonce, a kiddy-fiddler. Lifted from Chris Morris' Brass Eye special.
Between you an' me and these four walls, Greville Janner is an unreclaimed slotbadger.
by Lord Grimcock September 4, 2007
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Crude way of describing the vile act of sodomous penetration.
If Chesney looks a bit uncomfortable today, it's because Jerome bust his hoop behind the gazebo last night, poor cunt.
by Lord Grimcock April 26, 2008
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British. To quote the Profanisaurus, 'a vile and non-specific sex act performed by the staff of a rub-a-tug shop'.

Whatever it is it's rarely heard outside of Viz and, depending on exactly what you take it to mean, rarely seen either, thank Christ.
I offered him a Cleveland steamer and the filthy cunt's only asked if I do Belgian biscuit.
by Lord Grimcock September 2, 2007
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A tosser from Scotland; one prone to driving a car with an 'Ecosse' bumper sticker figleafing his ingrained hatred for the English.
Your Ecosser is the best-balanced person in the world; he has a chip on both shoulders.
by Lord Grimcock October 5, 2007
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