Lancaster's Second Finest's definitions
The highly undesirable state of being both ginger and bald. Defined as a chronic illness by the World Health Organisation, and a personality disorder by the American Psychiatric Association.
McDonaldism is a common consequence of premature Galdness.
"I'm collecting for people with Galdness. Could you please spare a few coins, or an unconvincing toupee?"
That dude has galdness. He is just a massive galdy.
"I'm collecting for people with Galdness. Could you please spare a few coins, or an unconvincing toupee?"
That dude has galdness. He is just a massive galdy.
by Lancaster's Second Finest June 6, 2015
Get the Galdness mug.Chantelle was really looking forward to her reunion at the hairdressers college, but was in a hurry and did a Clemmo. The upshot was that she was in bed by 9pm.
Chad thought the evening would be much cheaper if he did a Clemmo. In the event, he just ended up in police custody.
Chad thought the evening would be much cheaper if he did a Clemmo. In the event, he just ended up in police custody.
by Lancaster's Second Finest February 15, 2014
Get the Did a Clemmo. mug.When I woke up today, the heating was nearly half a degree out of whack, so I obviously had to some Shelleying. I told my boss I had hypothermia and was in the spa by 9.30.
A sustained campaign of Shelleying had enabled Simon to write his first novel, a six hundred page meditation on one man’s struggle with devastating haemorrhoids.
Person 1: “Man, I’ve not been in to work on a Friday for 15 years. I tell them I’m working from home, but I’ve totally cracked out the gin by mid-morning.”
Person 2: “Dude, that is some epic Shelleying.”
A sustained campaign of Shelleying had enabled Simon to write his first novel, a six hundred page meditation on one man’s struggle with devastating haemorrhoids.
Person 1: “Man, I’ve not been in to work on a Friday for 15 years. I tell them I’m working from home, but I’ve totally cracked out the gin by mid-morning.”
Person 2: “Dude, that is some epic Shelleying.”
by Lancaster's Second Finest March 15, 2019
Get the Shelleying mug.Haemorrhoids, but in Birmingham.
While Simon’s piles were clearly the size of Birmingham, this did not make them actual Brumgrapes.
Brummie: “Cowin’ ‘ell, me bumgrapes are worse than Aston Villa’s defence.”
Accredited General Practitioner: “Then I fear you may have Brumgrapes.”
Brummie: “Cowin’ ‘ell, me bumgrapes are worse than Aston Villa’s defence.”
Accredited General Practitioner: “Then I fear you may have Brumgrapes.”
by Lancaster's Second Finest February 12, 2025
Get the Brumgrapes mug.Everyone else was there at 7pm, but I mortlocked it and rolled up at 9.30.
Simon is known for mortlocking it when distracted by well-built Russian sailors.
The baby mortlocked it, so had to be induced.
Simon is known for mortlocking it when distracted by well-built Russian sailors.
The baby mortlocked it, so had to be induced.
by Lancaster's Second Finest February 1, 2014
Get the Mortlocking It mug.Having discovered Siagra, Simon was finally able to put away the lollipop stick and elastic band.
Simon: "Oh, it's not happening...I'm sorry love, it must be the drink."
Woman: "Have you considered taking Siagra?"
Simon: "Oh, it's not happening...I'm sorry love, it must be the drink."
Woman: "Have you considered taking Siagra?"
by Lancaster's Second Finest August 21, 2017
Get the Siagra mug.The act of inadvertently voiding one's bowels in a hilariously inappropriate place, such as friend's wardrobe.
In retrospect, declaring a history of Geoffecation on his CV was probably doing little to improve Simon's employment prospects.
Heindrich got really drunk on Belgian beer, and woke up the next day to find he had Geoffecated in his flatmate's antique trombone.
Although some people believe it to be an urban myth, Simon did indeed Geoffecate his pants in the frozen goods aisle of a local supermarket.
Heindrich got really drunk on Belgian beer, and woke up the next day to find he had Geoffecated in his flatmate's antique trombone.
Although some people believe it to be an urban myth, Simon did indeed Geoffecate his pants in the frozen goods aisle of a local supermarket.
by Lancaster's Second Finest July 30, 2017
Get the Geoffecation mug.