Lancaster's Second Finest's definitions
When I woke up today, the heating was nearly half a degree out of whack, so I obviously had to some Shelleying. I told my boss I had hypothermia and was in the spa by 9.30.
A sustained campaign of Shelleying had enabled Simon to write his first novel, a six hundred page meditation on one man’s struggle with devastating haemorrhoids.
Person 1: “Man, I’ve not been in to work on a Friday for 15 years. I tell them I’m working from home, but I’ve totally cracked out the gin by mid-morning.”
Person 2: “Dude, that is some epic Shelleying.”
A sustained campaign of Shelleying had enabled Simon to write his first novel, a six hundred page meditation on one man’s struggle with devastating haemorrhoids.
Person 1: “Man, I’ve not been in to work on a Friday for 15 years. I tell them I’m working from home, but I’ve totally cracked out the gin by mid-morning.”
Person 2: “Dude, that is some epic Shelleying.”
by Lancaster's Second Finest March 15, 2019
Get the Shelleying mug.The dissonant male-specific mental state of being both (a) distressed at having gone bald, but also (b) delighted that you've gone bald because you were previously ginger. A chronic form of the classically ephemeral cognitive dissonance, McDonaldism affects around 2% of men worldwide, and 73% of men in Scotland.
See that 40 year old guy who's trying to have sexual intercourse with age-inappropriate, attached women? He's only behaving that way because he has McDonaldism.
by Lancaster's Second Finest August 15, 2011
Get the McDonaldism mug.After inadvisedly smelling a half-pint of shandy, Simon developed catastrophic beercontinence and uncontrollably voided his bowels in the middle of a busy supermarket.
Geoff’s beercontinence was the stuff of legend, particularly among the staff at the Travelodge who remain in therapy to this day.
Brunhild in German: “Arnfried, did you literally just cack your underpants during our first date?”
Arnfried also in German: “It is not my fault. The strong Munich pilsener has rendered me beercontinent.”
Geoff’s beercontinence was the stuff of legend, particularly among the staff at the Travelodge who remain in therapy to this day.
Brunhild in German: “Arnfried, did you literally just cack your underpants during our first date?”
Arnfried also in German: “It is not my fault. The strong Munich pilsener has rendered me beercontinent.”
by Lancaster's Second Finest January 20, 2023
Get the Beercontinence mug.Extreme procrastination when a social appointment is looming, a process that often results in Mortlocking it.
The party was at 9pm, but I was Forstering about with Facebook and finally got in the shower at 8.55.
Simon had been Forstering about and home with some quackish treatments for McDonaldism and, by the time he actually got to the docks, all the best sailors had been taken. As such, he ended up having to go home with Vladimir One-Bollock, who also has syphilis. That'll teach him.
Simon had been Forstering about and home with some quackish treatments for McDonaldism and, by the time he actually got to the docks, all the best sailors had been taken. As such, he ended up having to go home with Vladimir One-Bollock, who also has syphilis. That'll teach him.
by Lancaster's Second Finest June 6, 2015
Get the Forstering About mug.Everyone else was there at 7pm, but I mortlocked it and rolled up at 9.30.
Simon is known for mortlocking it when distracted by well-built Russian sailors.
The baby mortlocked it, so had to be induced.
Simon is known for mortlocking it when distracted by well-built Russian sailors.
The baby mortlocked it, so had to be induced.
by Lancaster's Second Finest February 1, 2014
Get the Mortlocking It mug.A human being who, often due to an excessively chilli-heavy diet, has not produced a solid stool in years.
Simon, a notable Sludge Cannon, is barred from every public lavatory in the north of England.
"Mummy, does Uncle Simon wear plastic underwear because he's a sludge cannon?"
"No, dear, it's because he's a massive pervert."
"Mummy, does Uncle Simon wear plastic underwear because he's a sludge cannon?"
"No, dear, it's because he's a massive pervert."
by Lancaster's Second Finest June 12, 2016
Get the Sludge Cannon mug.Like hypochondria, but much, much worse. The true lisachondriac not only believes they have every exotic disease on the planet, but feels compelled to share this information with even the most casual of bystanders.
Lisachondriac: “I have a headache and I feel a bit warm. I’ve checked on Google and I blatantly have Dengue fever. I’m done for.”
Person: “Er, I don’t know who you are, though I have good reason to suspect you are one of those Lisachondriacs.”
Lisachondria affects one in four million people in civil society. Sufferers are typically spotted being escorted out of medical facilities by angry-looking staff.
Person: “Er, I don’t know who you are, though I have good reason to suspect you are one of those Lisachondriacs.”
Lisachondria affects one in four million people in civil society. Sufferers are typically spotted being escorted out of medical facilities by angry-looking staff.
by Lancaster's Second Finest March 15, 2019
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