Lancaster's Second Finest's definitions
The cruel and bigoted practice of mocking a fellow human being simply because they have brutal, throbbing haemorrhoids.
Having endured three decades of unremitting grape shaming from his supposed friends, Simon cautiously lifted himself from the inflatable cushion and declared for all the world “No more!” And then “Aaargh! Me Farmer Giles!”
by Lancaster's Second Finest April 23, 2024
Get the Grape Shaming mug.A human being who, often due to an excessively chilli-heavy diet, has not produced a solid stool in years.
Simon, a notable Sludge Cannon, is barred from every public lavatory in the north of England.
"Mummy, does Uncle Simon wear plastic underwear because he's a sludge cannon?"
"No, dear, it's because he's a massive pervert."
"Mummy, does Uncle Simon wear plastic underwear because he's a sludge cannon?"
"No, dear, it's because he's a massive pervert."
by Lancaster's Second Finest June 12, 2016
Get the Sludge Cannon mug.Like hypochondria, but much, much worse. The true lisachondriac not only believes they have every exotic disease on the planet, but feels compelled to share this information with even the most casual of bystanders.
Lisachondriac: “I have a headache and I feel a bit warm. I’ve checked on Google and I blatantly have Dengue fever. I’m done for.”
Person: “Er, I don’t know who you are, though I have good reason to suspect you are one of those Lisachondriacs.”
Lisachondria affects one in four million people in civil society. Sufferers are typically spotted being escorted out of medical facilities by angry-looking staff.
Person: “Er, I don’t know who you are, though I have good reason to suspect you are one of those Lisachondriacs.”
Lisachondria affects one in four million people in civil society. Sufferers are typically spotted being escorted out of medical facilities by angry-looking staff.
by Lancaster's Second Finest March 15, 2019
Get the Lisachondria mug.Extreme procrastination when a social appointment is looming, a process that often results in Mortlocking it.
The party was at 9pm, but I was Forstering about with Facebook and finally got in the shower at 8.55.
Simon had been Forstering about and home with some quackish treatments for McDonaldism and, by the time he actually got to the docks, all the best sailors had been taken. As such, he ended up having to go home with Vladimir One-Bollock, who also has syphilis. That'll teach him.
Simon had been Forstering about and home with some quackish treatments for McDonaldism and, by the time he actually got to the docks, all the best sailors had been taken. As such, he ended up having to go home with Vladimir One-Bollock, who also has syphilis. That'll teach him.
by Lancaster's Second Finest June 6, 2015
Get the Forstering About mug.Noun: an individual who persistently presents situations as vastly worse than they actually are, to a degree that is almost indistinguishable from satire. Serial catastroboothers are seldom seen in the workplace, because they are just soooooo ill aaaaallll the tiiiime.
Doctor: Can you please rate the pain out of ten?
Catastroboother: Three hundred and seventy two.
Doctor: Seriously, though?
Catastroboother: I am being serious.
Doctor: Please go home.
Helga’s tendency to catastrobooth her workload at the sausage emporium led her to report 170 hours of labour per week. The log book showed she was actually in for a weekly average of 92 minutes.
Catastroboother: Three hundred and seventy two.
Doctor: Seriously, though?
Catastroboother: I am being serious.
Doctor: Please go home.
Helga’s tendency to catastrobooth her workload at the sausage emporium led her to report 170 hours of labour per week. The log book showed she was actually in for a weekly average of 92 minutes.
by Lancaster's Second Finest January 19, 2020
Get the Catastroboother mug.Having discovered Siagra, Simon was finally able to put away the lollipop stick and elastic band.
Simon: "Oh, it's not happening...I'm sorry love, it must be the drink."
Woman: "Have you considered taking Siagra?"
Simon: "Oh, it's not happening...I'm sorry love, it must be the drink."
Woman: "Have you considered taking Siagra?"
by Lancaster's Second Finest August 21, 2017
Get the Siagra mug.The act of inadvertently voiding one's bowels in a hilariously inappropriate place, such as friend's wardrobe.
In retrospect, declaring a history of Geoffecation on his CV was probably doing little to improve Simon's employment prospects.
Heindrich got really drunk on Belgian beer, and woke up the next day to find he had Geoffecated in his flatmate's antique trombone.
Although some people believe it to be an urban myth, Simon did indeed Geoffecate his pants in the frozen goods aisle of a local supermarket.
Heindrich got really drunk on Belgian beer, and woke up the next day to find he had Geoffecated in his flatmate's antique trombone.
Although some people believe it to be an urban myth, Simon did indeed Geoffecate his pants in the frozen goods aisle of a local supermarket.
by Lancaster's Second Finest July 30, 2017
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