Jollyer's definitions

Inceptitude

Inceptitude is the condition of being someone watching the Oscar-nominated film "Inception" without being able to understand, let alone follow, the plot.

I was watching that film "Inception" the other day. Complex plot or what?! I didn't have a clue what was going on, I was suffering from total inceptitude. Great visual effects though.

by Jollyer June 5, 2021

agpolyistic

A man who doesn't believe in religion. Unless its one of those fringe religions that lets you marry several women a generation younger than you.

I was agpolyistic and never thought I'd become a believer but I now live by the word as do my five lovely young wives.

by Jollyer July 14, 2018

Ten Pint Time Machine

The Ten Pint Time Machine is an amazing yet little understood phenomenon which enables men in their later years in pubs to appear attractive to the younger ladies. In some cases, especially at weddings, it also enables them to dance like famous film stars which makes them look incredibly sexy and impressive to any of the younger ladies present, especially the bridesmaids. To achieve this remarkable effect all they need to do is merely drink at least ten pints of beer. Less if they are a lightweight.

Oh dear, old Dave was fully on board the Ten Pint Time Machine the other night at the pub. Trying to chat up that barmaid and impress her with his dancing until he got his feet tangled up and fell flat on his face!

by Jollyer February 26, 2023

Manilize

To force someone to leave your house / bar / party because they have overstayed their welcome or to see off dysfunctional local youths disrupting your neighbourhood by playing Barry Manilow tunes at them.

There were some kids around our street the other day, causing all sorts of trouble. I thought I would Manilize them by blasting out some "Mandy" and it worked. They left without taking.

by Jollyer May 16, 2019

On the stick

Someone who is claiming sickness benefit for having an ailment that requires the use of a walking stick.

My back has gone totally, I'm off work and claiming sickness benefit, I'm on the stick for the foreseeable future.

by Jollyer August 17, 2016

disenfrantchised

A person is disenfrantchised when they can no longer rant about a particular issue because that issue has ended.

Old Dave at the pub is very unhappy he's been disenfrantchised; he was always ranting about how they should bring back National Service and now they have.

by Jollyer June 8, 2015

Doppleblobber

Someone who looks exactly the same as you, your double, but with a lot of extra weight.

I was at the pizza restaurant and saw this man who looked exactly the same as you but carrying 150 extra pounds, you have a doppleblobber!

by Jollyer June 25, 2015