John Wesley's definitions

Crack Ho Skinny Diet

Diet so severe and lacking in nutrition, the person on it either has the goal of looking like a crack whore or trying to get back down to their birth weight. Composed of "nibbling" instead of eating, even buffet plates of food look like appetizers. Food items such as tacos and burritos are comprised of a few small pieces of rinsed turkey meat and a single sliver of cheese (if they splurge). The avid dieter even orders small waters to go with their salads to avoid the calories ice contains.

Customer: "i'll have the 3 inch turkey club sandwich with the turkey meat dragged across the bread, a pickle with no juice and a small water."
Subway: "you must be on the crack ho skinny diet."

Dieter: "I like to put lemon juice on my baked potatoe as a butter substitute, tastes just like it"
Observer: "you dumb bitch, lemon makes anything taste like LEMON!"

by John Wesley February 12, 2008

Stray Human

A person who after years of no contact shows up or gets dropped off (usually after a divorce, but may just be sniffing around) on your door step because their miserable attempt at life has failed and they would like to hang around your family for a little while. Instead of making a good pet, they usually just eat all your food and shit on your carpet.

My mother-in-law runs the neighborhood stray human shelter.

by John Wesley February 11, 2008

Cat Eyes

The untanned area directly under a girls ass cheeks that resemble cat eyes when bent over. Resulting from neither the suns nor the tanning beds ability to shine there.

Shelly bent over and it looked like a giant pair of cat eyes staring back at me.

by John Wesley February 11, 2008

Muppet

Someone who has had so much plastic surgery and/or botox, their lips no longer move and they must speak only using the motion provided by their lower jaw.

We saw this hot looking woman, but she had so much face surgery she looked like a muppet when she spoke.

by John Wesley February 9, 2008

Cot Jockey

Ambulance driver. Usually characterized by their NREMT patch and window decal. Can also be spotted easily "off duty" (wal-mart, sonic, dollar general) wearing parts of their on-duty clothes and overtly apparent pager.

It took 2 crews of cot jockeys to load their fat ass in that ambulance.

by John Wesley February 9, 2008

blue mouse balls

The latent energy frustration built up by your mouse by looking at porn in much the same way it gets built up in you.

Thats the worst case of blue mouse balls ive ever seen.

by John Wesley February 9, 2008

Hot Tub Meerkat

The guy in the hot tub that can't quite commit to sitting all the way down in the water so they just kind of wade in, and stand there resembling a meerkat.

I was on my way to the hot tub at the gym when I spotted the Hot Tub Meerkat and decided thats too fucking weird, i'll just hit the steam room.

by John Wesley February 9, 2008