Jake's definitions

My Nose Itches

when you are about to kiss a fool

My nose itched before I kissed him. I shud have kept my pants on, now I have 4 kids by him. He's a loser father too.

by Jake February 3, 2004

Fuck me pumps

high-heeled pumps with a three inch or higher stilleto heel. Usually some really bright colour to get your attention. Maybe shiny vinyl or glittery.Accentuates the leg.Not usually removed during sex.

Josie wore her red fuck me pumps into work every Friday. She started her hunt for cock at 8 a.m. on Fridays.

by Jake February 3, 2004

female condom

a lubricated polyethylene sheath that is inserted into the vagina. A ring grasps the bottom of the cervix. The sheath extends outside the labia. They are expensive, but most guys don't even know they are there unless they explore with fingers. You can buy disposable underpants with these things in place so that the woman can go out on a date all set to fuck "protected".

Susie used a female condom the first time, that way there was no interruption to put on a male condom.

by Jake February 3, 2004

thermostat

the thingy on the wall that controls the temperature of the room. Of course, it will always be too hot or too cold.

The cunt said "its too hot" so I turned the thermostat down and an hour later she's complaining its "too cold in here". So I undressed her and warmed her up in bed.

by Jake February 3, 2004

Shunned

Amish expression for excluding from the society; not spoken to, not looked at, not responded to, completely ignored as if they don't exist

in WITNESS, Kelly McGillis' character was about to be shunned for fraternizing with 'the english'

by Jake February 3, 2004

69 position

position for sex where his lips are touching her (vaginal) lips while her lips are around his cock. see 69

we both forgot our condoms so I gave her cunnilingus whilst she gave me a blow-job.

by Jake February 3, 2004

goose

1)To grab someone's butt check(s) with all 4 fingers and thumb of one hand as if by the beak of a goose. Element of surprise very important.
2)To grab a woman for the very first time in the genital area. Done quickly and without finesse or foreplay. If a finger or two penetrates the vagina, so much the better. Element of surprise very important.
3)To stick your thumb up another person's butthole (or vagina). Element of surprise essential.

I goosed my brother as we came up the stairs outta the Tube.

I goosed Nancy's snatch once I decided the first date wasn't working out.

Once I saw her naked I knew I didn't want to fuck her. She was coyote ugly, I goosed her instead. She just thought I was getting her ready for anal.

by Jake February 3, 2004