Intelligence001's definitions

mail buoy watch

A joke errand given to new sailors. Consists of sending a sailor to the weather decks with a hook, a lamp, and a harness to look for an air-dropped buoy carrying the ship's mail.

Clarence was given mail buoy watch. He had no idea there was no such thing.

by Intelligence001 July 27, 2016

spider

The leading cause of house fires.

There was a spider, I panicked. I think it's gone now.

by Intelligence001 July 5, 2016

aspirations

Something you should take care not to choke on, especially not in the vicinity of your boss.

Be careful not to choke on your aspirations.

by Intelligence001 July 23, 2019

Killer Rabbit

A creature that presents itself as being totally harmless and cuddly, but will beat you to death with your own skull if you get too close. Named for the creature of the same name in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, where it decapitates Sir Bohrs and two other knights before the crew books it.

I saw a cute little squirrel on the way to school. I wound up losing my testicles to it.
Damn, like that killer rabbit.

by Intelligence001 January 7, 2020

Red Bull

A drink that does nothing the commercials say.

Red Bull (doesn't) give you wiiiings!

by Intelligence001 July 18, 2016

rock salt

What to load into a shotgun if you don't want to kill someone, but you still want it to hurt.

John, remember that you only need to load the gun with rock salt if you want to hurt them, not kill them.

by Intelligence001 March 31, 2021

play stupid games, win stupid prizes

A warning that dictates that intentionally doing something agreed to be foolish or stupid will only result in negative consequences for the person doing the idiotic thing.

Jack apparently looked down the barrel of his pistol to see why it wasn't firing. It seems he didn't remember the maxim of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" and blew his brains out on accident.

by Intelligence001 March 25, 2022