Definitions by Hym Iam
Poop
A mundane and smelly thing... Unless it's outside of a toilet... In which case, it's fucking hilarious!
Hym "Everybody is laughing AT Amber for pooping in the bed but I'm over here laughing WITH her.... Because that shit is fucking hilarious! Hahahahaha!!!"
Iam "I feel bad about the Depp thing now though..."
Hym "Hahaha! We were illustrating a point about how inflammatory statements are blatantly ignored when they're coming from one side of the political aisle. Our point still stands! Hahahaha!!"
Iam "Well...."
Hym "We can't feel bad about everything all the time. 🤷"
Iam "I know but still..."
Hym "THERE'S A DOODIE OUTSIDE OF THE TOILET!! Come on! That's not where DOODIE goes! That's what makes it fucking hilarious! Hahahahaha!!!"
Iam "..... You're so childish..."
Hym "HOW AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FINDS THIS HILARIOUS!?!?"
Iam "I feel bad about the Depp thing now though..."
Hym "Hahaha! We were illustrating a point about how inflammatory statements are blatantly ignored when they're coming from one side of the political aisle. Our point still stands! Hahahaha!!"
Iam "Well...."
Hym "We can't feel bad about everything all the time. 🤷"
Iam "I know but still..."
Hym "THERE'S A DOODIE OUTSIDE OF THE TOILET!! Come on! That's not where DOODIE goes! That's what makes it fucking hilarious! Hahahahaha!!!"
Iam "..... You're so childish..."
Hym "HOW AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FINDS THIS HILARIOUS!?!?"
Adderall
Mmmmm... Delicious... It's like candy. Except if "candy" was cocaine and cocaine lasted 6-8 hours. (I vaguely remember doing this one but whatever the dialogue is what matters)
Hym "Just an FYI, we're probably going to need (either) some Adderall or alcohol. So... Yeah make that happen..."
Iam "Don't... Don't say it like that! I'm sorry. He... We aren't very effective conversationalist. You know? So, if we're going to have a productive dialogue, it might be necessary for us to have that in our system.... I know it sounds bad..."
Hym "I'm like Batman! I need prep-time. And by 'prep time' I mean 'Drugs in my blood'... So, yeah... Junkie Batman!"
Iam "Don't... Don't say it like that! I'm sorry. He... We aren't very effective conversationalist. You know? So, if we're going to have a productive dialogue, it might be necessary for us to have that in our system.... I know it sounds bad..."
Hym "I'm like Batman! I need prep-time. And by 'prep time' I mean 'Drugs in my blood'... So, yeah... Junkie Batman!"
Sentences
All the best ones have already been said or written... Which is why you motherfuckers need to shut the fuck up (so I can say words for a million dollars)!
Spears
Hym "I miss spears..."
Iam "How do you mean?"
Hym "Well, I'm thinking about our impending demise at the hands of the horde and I think 'they're probably going to use a knife or a gun or something'. But what ever happened to spears? Just think about how many people have been killed by spears. At a certain point, people just stopped using spears to kill people. It's likely that, from this point in time onwards, no one will ever be killed by a spear again. It's a waste. It's a waste of a perfectly good weapon."
Iam "Eh... Maybe they'll poison us 🤷"
Hym "Yeah.... It's still not as good as spears... Or a halberd... There aren't any good 'inbetween' weapons. It's all just guns and missiles. Whatever happened to railguns? Is someone working on that? Someone needs to hurry up."
Iam "They could bludgeon us to death with one of those 'extendo-staff' things. That'd be cool."
Hym "Don't be ridiculous. No one actually bought those things. And it's not the same as a spear."
Iam "Oh! Hey! They could program a Tesla to come and (autonomously) kill us! It you be like that 'Christine' movie!"
Hym "OHO! That's actually great!"
Iam "How do you mean?"
Hym "Well, I'm thinking about our impending demise at the hands of the horde and I think 'they're probably going to use a knife or a gun or something'. But what ever happened to spears? Just think about how many people have been killed by spears. At a certain point, people just stopped using spears to kill people. It's likely that, from this point in time onwards, no one will ever be killed by a spear again. It's a waste. It's a waste of a perfectly good weapon."
Iam "Eh... Maybe they'll poison us 🤷"
Hym "Yeah.... It's still not as good as spears... Or a halberd... There aren't any good 'inbetween' weapons. It's all just guns and missiles. Whatever happened to railguns? Is someone working on that? Someone needs to hurry up."
Iam "They could bludgeon us to death with one of those 'extendo-staff' things. That'd be cool."
Hym "Don't be ridiculous. No one actually bought those things. And it's not the same as a spear."
Iam "Oh! Hey! They could program a Tesla to come and (autonomously) kill us! It you be like that 'Christine' movie!"
Hym "OHO! That's actually great!"
The Devil
Hym "Speak his name and he'll appear. To whom am I referring?"
Iam "The Devil?"
Hym "Exactly! See what I did there!? Isn't that clever!? Hahahahahahahaaa!!"
Iam "The Devil?"
Hym "Exactly! See what I did there!? Isn't that clever!? Hahahahahahahaaa!!"
Asking
I'm not taking credit for anything. I'm asking YOU what's happened here. And I'm not getting an answer.
Hym "I'm asking the question. That's all I've ever done. I just woke up here."
Iam "This is kind of sad... What would the world be like if I hadn't said anything?"
Iam "This is kind of sad... What would the world be like if I hadn't said anything?"
Politics
A game.... But only until you're being shipped off to a reeducation camp or a concentration camp. Until there are tanks rolling down your street and you're telling a Russian war ship to go fuck itself.
Hym "Politics gets real faster than the average person can prepare."
Iam "Oh shit, I'm not saying it's not right. I'm just saying..."
Iam "Oh shit, I'm not saying it's not right. I'm just saying..."