Definitions by Hym Iam

Things I think while I shit 

Shit shart. Shitilly shart. Shit shoot shitilly shart. Shartilly shit shoot. Shootilly shit shat... Shart... I wish I could optimize my shit texture... I'd have to be some kind of weird dork to live like that though... "Hey, Hym. Why do you only eat gummy bears?" "Oh, yeah. Because it keeps my shit both dry and moist enough to minimize the amount of wiping I have to do" They'd think I was insane... Until they tried it... Then they would realize I'm the greatest mind the world has ever seen....

Hym "I don't actually only eat gummy bears but there is an optimal texture and if I could only find it... I would never have to wipe again! But these are the things I think while I shit."

Things I think while I shit by Hym Iam May 5, 2024

Gnats 

Goddamnit Jordan! GODDAMNIT! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

Hym "Goddamnit Jordan, the gnats are here! My AC unit doesn't stay on indefinitely anymore and now I can't keep it cool enough to keep the gnats out! Hidden Forbidden Garbage-Can needs a static temperature of 55 degrees! It's AT LEAST 77 degrees in here! THIS IS WHY I said you needed to hurry it up! You already missed the juxtaposition of the empty garbage bin with the mounds of garbage! What are you even doing over there!? This is an absolute fucking travesty! Now I gotta run the fan on my AC for an hour... Switch it back over to AC... And then wait for it to cool back down until the gnats go away! Goddamnit! God-DAMN-it!"

Gnats by Hym Iam May 5, 2024

Candace trolls 

Absolutely FLOODED Ben Shapiro's pro-genocide stream the other day.

Hym "I forgot to mention it the other day, Ben's chat was flooded by Candace trolls bitching about her getting fired... It was fun! I had a good time. They were laying into his ass for not debating on Pbd. Shoulded be calling people moral cowards if you're not going to allow your employees to do the thing that made you rich and famous. Blatant hypocrisy!"

Candace trolls by Hym Iam May 4, 2024

Act 

There is no 'act' to get together. If the life I would have from getting credit and moneyz for my contributions to things is better than the life I would get from your self-help bullshit, then I'm not going to fucking do it.

Hym "Because doing your self-help bullshit didn't work. I was doing. Nothing came of it. MY ANIME LECTURE... DID WORK. It's the next generation of anime. My solution to A.I.? ALSO WORKED! Political strategy? WORKED? My monologues? CHILLING! HEART-WRENCHING! BRILLIANT! And you're trying to make me do the thing that DOESN'T work by forcing me (collectively) to give up the thing that DID work. And it isn't going to happen. I'm never going give it up. I'm not going to act like nothing happened. I'll take it all back. One way or another."

Act by Hym Iam May 4, 2024

Seduce 

No I'm not trying to actully seduce Taylor Swift you fucking retard. Why would you actually think that?

Hym "Unless it worked. Yu-Gi-Oh cards are expensive and I do not make enough money to keep up with the meta. But seriously, I would love to meet the chick that THIS would seduce."

Seduce by Hym Iam May 4, 2024

Quit proselytizing for a religion you don't believe in so you don't have to get a real job 

You fucking failure.

Hym "Quit proselytizing for a religion you don't believe in so you don't have to get a real job. That's the real fear, isn't it? That I WILL be perfectly happy with a materialistic life. Your values... Your ethics... Your morality.... All rendered moot by the man who doesn't need your 'wisdom' or your God. That's why you're being deliberately obtuse. Because when I suceed, I won't need any of you."

Quit proselytizing for a religion you don't believe in so you don't have to get a real job by Hym Iam May 4, 2024

Praying in public 

So... When Russell "the (alleged) little girl rapist" Brand... Chants the rosary in front of 11 million people... Jordan "Almost not a Dr" Peterson has nothing to say about it...

Hym "But when 'The Woke!' are
✌️✊️✌️Praying in public✌️✊️✌️ in a vague and abstract sense... It's evidence of their falsehood or the falsehood of their immortality.... But when Russell LITERALLY PRAYS IN PUBLIC... Reciting a chant for a religion in which he doesn't believe... Nothing. Radio silence. So, his excuses are pretend. Doesn't give a shit about

✌️✊️✌️Praying in public✌️✊️✌️ Embarrassing. Fraudulent."

Praying in public by Hym Iam May 4, 2024