“Show your belly,” Josefa advises Cheyenne. “Your boss sucks prunes, and that won’t change. Make her think you’re weak and she won’t know what hit her later.”
“But I’m scared,” says Cheyenne. “Who knows what will happen.”
“You will fool her,” reassures Josefa. “You are boss. In showing your belly you will fend off her attack. Go forth and prosper, as some guy said.”
“But I’m scared,” says Cheyenne. “Who knows what will happen.”
“You will fool her,” reassures Josefa. “You are boss. In showing your belly you will fend off her attack. Go forth and prosper, as some guy said.”
by Hifalutin! February 14, 2022
“They’re still working with Leo on his toileting – it’s about time, he’s entering kindeegarden soon!” said Grandmaw, “ – so we were happy when the tike left us a nice casserole in the powder room w.c.”
“I thought I smelled something,” said Kath.
“No, that’s the venison stew,” said Grandmaw. “Soup’s on soon.”
Her homeys consigned Beatrice to the garret of Delta Sigma Theta, which had a private bath. When she protested, she was told that her casseroles were too fragrant for the shared space below.
“I thought I smelled something,” said Kath.
“No, that’s the venison stew,” said Grandmaw. “Soup’s on soon.”
Her homeys consigned Beatrice to the garret of Delta Sigma Theta, which had a private bath. When she protested, she was told that her casseroles were too fragrant for the shared space below.
by Hifalutin! March 06, 2022
“I can still see,” Abra.K.Dabra complained, their eyes atwinkle. “Pass me over the Vegan Volume—stepping out to Club Bahia tonight. I need mascarification – I’d rather be a blind girl, as Etta James had it."
"That was a century ago, said Fifi. "Nude eyes are the thing now."
“I saw Beatrice at Turandot but I didn’t recognize her,” said Extra Ernie. “It looked like two tarantulas had landed on a marshmallow. Then I knew her from her knobby knees and flat chest and remembered how deep she was into mascarification.”
"That was a century ago, said Fifi. "Nude eyes are the thing now."
“I saw Beatrice at Turandot but I didn’t recognize her,” said Extra Ernie. “It looked like two tarantulas had landed on a marshmallow. Then I knew her from her knobby knees and flat chest and remembered how deep she was into mascarification.”
by Hifalutin! March 08, 2022
"We think we know the perfect bachelorette gift for solitary Martha," said Penelope, always down with the latest trends. "This dude is a regular jizzmatron. I've already placed the order."
"Covid layoffs left me without a job," said Howie the paralegal. "So I plundered the gig economy for work as a jizzdroid. Pretty sweet all around."
"Covid layoffs left me without a job," said Howie the paralegal. "So I plundered the gig economy for work as a jizzdroid. Pretty sweet all around."
by Hifalutin! January 23, 2022
“Wow,” Panda says, glued to the ice dancing in Beijing. “Digging the crotchspin.”
“Ahh, Good One,” sneers mama, who loves to abuse Panda’s street name. “The closest you came to a skate was Sugar Pond Warming Hut in 1990.”
Right, daydreams Panda. That bitchin’ Brian Maleski, he knew his way around a crotchspin. The ice was hard too.
“Ahh, Good One,” sneers mama, who loves to abuse Panda’s street name. “The closest you came to a skate was Sugar Pond Warming Hut in 1990.”
Right, daydreams Panda. That bitchin’ Brian Maleski, he knew his way around a crotchspin. The ice was hard too.
by Hifalutin! February 08, 2022
Detta swung her foomfy pillows over the side and got up to face another day. Robert Crumb watched approvingly, setting the needle down on his morning Elmore James selection (original, not remastered) before padding back to bed. “The Sky Is Crying” was all he had now, that and Detta’s thighs.
“Rad barrels, bro,” says Caleb, shaking droplets from his hair and holding aloft his longboard at Maverick's.
“Later,” says cousin Om, "Can’t hear you.” Eyes glomming onto the wenches ranged across the sand.
“You always were a thigh bloke,” says Caleb. “When will you wake up to good old fashioned T and A?”
“Them’s my father’s trip,” says Om. “I prefer the pillows.”
“Rad barrels, bro,” says Caleb, shaking droplets from his hair and holding aloft his longboard at Maverick's.
“Later,” says cousin Om, "Can’t hear you.” Eyes glomming onto the wenches ranged across the sand.
“You always were a thigh bloke,” says Caleb. “When will you wake up to good old fashioned T and A?”
“Them’s my father’s trip,” says Om. “I prefer the pillows.”
by Hifalutin! February 10, 2022
“Screw starvation!” yells Oprah (no, not that Oprah). “Screw Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Paleo, Keto, raw, Mediterranean, Noom! I’m on this planet just one time (I think) and I want a bowl of hot fudge sauce decorated by a little dab of ice cream! To be followed a full bowl of sweet, sweet whipped cream. That’s just for starters. I'm saying no to no thank you. I want a thank you portion!”
“MicroAlice,” cooed MacroAlice, bending over the toddler’s high chair at Gordon Ramsay Hell’s Kitchen in Las Vegas, and wielding a small silver spoon. "Would babykins at least take a no thank you portion of strained peas?”
“Mother,” said MicroAlice – and these were her first intelligible words – “I would prefer a trencher of whatever you and my esteemed father are consuming. Osso buco with smashed cheesy garlic potatoes and roasted lemon zest out-of-season asparagus would be just fine, a thank you portion! Don't forget the molten chocolate lava cake.”
“MicroAlice,” cooed MacroAlice, bending over the toddler’s high chair at Gordon Ramsay Hell’s Kitchen in Las Vegas, and wielding a small silver spoon. "Would babykins at least take a no thank you portion of strained peas?”
“Mother,” said MicroAlice – and these were her first intelligible words – “I would prefer a trencher of whatever you and my esteemed father are consuming. Osso buco with smashed cheesy garlic potatoes and roasted lemon zest out-of-season asparagus would be just fine, a thank you portion! Don't forget the molten chocolate lava cake.”
by Hifalutin! February 11, 2022