Hammer of Jesus's definitions
Ron: Man, I sure gobbled a whole shitload of knobs on National Dick Sucking Day III.
Abe: Same bro. I love celebrating all of the 365 non-consecutive and independent occurrences of National Dick Sucking Day every year!
Abe: Same bro. I love celebrating all of the 365 non-consecutive and independent occurrences of National Dick Sucking Day every year!
by Hammer of Jesus April 14, 2019
Get the national dick sucking day iiimug. A phallus of immense girth, length, and/or strength. Wielders as well as recipients must exercise extreme caution.
by Hammer of Jesus January 19, 2019
Get the power penismug. The Devil's kiss is the heinous action of the tip of one's penis making contact with the cold porcelain of the inside of a public toilet.
I went to take a shit in the strip club bathroom, where I was unpleasantly surprised by the icy cold sensation of the Devil's kiss. Now it burns when I pee. Thanks, Satan.
by Hammer of Jesus August 10, 2017
Get the Devil's kissmug. The act of placing ones cellular device onto their genitalia, followed by a person sending repeated text messages, until the recipient of the textjob reaches sexual climax. Has been known to cause damage to cell phones when performed carelessly.
Jim: Man, Dave was really pissed after I banged his wife. He wouldn't stop texting me, so I threw my phone in my pocket and he gave me a textjob!
Todd: Nice dude! Now Dave and his wife have made you bust a nut!
Todd: Nice dude! Now Dave and his wife have made you bust a nut!
by Hammer of Jesus June 28, 2017
Get the textjobmug. The simultaneous occurrence of flatulence and ejaculation. Particularly common among the elderly who have weak bowel and penile control.
Jenny: Mom! Grandpa is fumming all over the place again!
Karen: Well, grab some towels and start cleaning him up!
Jenny: Ewwwww! I don’t wanna clean up grandpa’s nasty fum! It stinks!
Karen: Shut the fuck up and clean your grandpa’s fum or you’re grounded!
Karen: Well, grab some towels and start cleaning him up!
Jenny: Ewwwww! I don’t wanna clean up grandpa’s nasty fum! It stinks!
Karen: Shut the fuck up and clean your grandpa’s fum or you’re grounded!
by Hammer of Jesus March 2, 2020
Get the Fummingmug. A dusty bumper is the action of falling ass-first into the dirt while ones pants are around their ankles. Common during rowdy outdoor sex and defecating in the woods. If the latter is the cause of the dusty bumper, one may walk away with a rusty bumper.
Earl: Last night, I was beatin' cheeks with Becky in them woods right behind my trailer, when i tripped over a stob and gave myself a dusty bumper!
Jim-Bob: Well hell yeah brother, than poon is totally worth it! Fuckin' ain't nuthin' if she ain't yer cousin! Yeeeehaw!!
Jim-Bob: Well hell yeah brother, than poon is totally worth it! Fuckin' ain't nuthin' if she ain't yer cousin! Yeeeehaw!!
by Hammer of Jesus August 4, 2017
Get the dusty bumpermug. A person who is professionally employed by a private or federal entity, whose job is to eliminate hispanics in large and profitable quantities.
Javier: I just nailed a Beaner executioner job with the Fed! 55k a year plus dental!
Jon: Wait, but you’re Mexican right?
Javier: So? It’s nothing personal, and the benefits are dope! Can’t wait to pop me some frijoleros!
Jon: Wait, but you’re Mexican right?
Javier: So? It’s nothing personal, and the benefits are dope! Can’t wait to pop me some frijoleros!
by Hammer of Jesus May 2, 2019
Get the Beaner executionermug.