Hammer of Jesus's definitions

dusty bumper

A dusty bumper is the action of falling ass-first into the dirt while ones pants are around their ankles. Common during rowdy outdoor sex and defecating in the woods. If the latter is the cause of the dusty bumper, one may walk away with a rusty bumper.

Earl: Last night, I was beatin' cheeks with Becky in them woods right behind my trailer, when i tripped over a stob and gave myself a dusty bumper!

Jim-Bob: Well hell yeah brother, than poon is totally worth it! Fuckin' ain't nuthin' if she ain't yer cousin! Yeeeehaw!!

by Hammer of Jesus August 4, 2017

Beaner executioner

A person who is professionally employed by a private or federal entity, whose job is to eliminate hispanics in large and profitable quantities.

Javier: I just nailed a Beaner executioner job with the Fed! 55k a year plus dental!

Jon: Wait, but you’re Mexican right?

Javier: So? It’s nothing personal, and the benefits are dope! Can’t wait to pop me some frijoleros!

by Hammer of Jesus May 2, 2019

heinous anus gayness

A situation involving heavy sexual deviance of the rectum amid a furious homosexual encounter.

Bob: I heard Frank had to get reconstructive surgery on his asshole after spending an evening with Don.

Gerald: Just one night? Damn, there must have been seriously heinous anus gayness afoot.

by Hammer of Jesus August 17, 2019

Devil's kiss

The Devil's kiss is the heinous action of the tip of one's penis making contact with the cold porcelain of the inside of a public toilet.

I went to take a shit in the strip club bathroom, where I was unpleasantly surprised by the icy cold sensation of the Devil's kiss. Now it burns when I pee. Thanks, Satan.

by Hammer of Jesus August 10, 2017

Davy Jones' Gravy

Davy Jones' Gravy is a dark, murky fecal/water combination that is the result of a particularly non-solid bowel movement, obscuring from vision all below it's putrid depths. Commonly found in public restrooms and port-o-potties.

I went to use the outhouse at the construction site, but it was so full that my balls dipped into Davy Jones' Gravy when I sat down.

by Hammer of Jesus February 14, 2017

boner queso

A synonym for smegma. Sometimes used specifically to describe dick cheese belonging to a person of hispanic origin.

Armando: Duuuude have you seen how much boner queso Jose has? You could make a quesadilla with that shit.

Carlos: Nah mang, I'm not really into checking out other dudes dick cheese status.

by Hammer of Jesus April 5, 2017

power penis

A phallus of immense girth, length, and/or strength. Wielders as well as recipients must exercise extreme caution.

Sally was completely destroyed by Ralph’s power penis. Her funeral is tomorrow.

by Hammer of Jesus January 19, 2019