Hammer of Jesus's definitions
The Devil's kiss is the heinous action of the tip of one's penis making contact with the cold porcelain of the inside of a public toilet.
I went to take a shit in the strip club bathroom, where I was unpleasantly surprised by the icy cold sensation of the Devil's kiss. Now it burns when I pee. Thanks, Satan.
by Hammer of Jesus August 10, 2017
Get the Devil's kiss mug.The act of placing ones cellular device onto their genitalia, followed by a person sending repeated text messages, until the recipient of the textjob reaches sexual climax. Has been known to cause damage to cell phones when performed carelessly.
Jim: Man, Dave was really pissed after I banged his wife. He wouldn't stop texting me, so I threw my phone in my pocket and he gave me a textjob!
Todd: Nice dude! Now Dave and his wife have made you bust a nut!
Todd: Nice dude! Now Dave and his wife have made you bust a nut!
by Hammer of Jesus June 28, 2017
Get the textjob mug.A person who is professionally employed by a private or federal entity, whose job is to eliminate hispanics in large and profitable quantities.
Javier: I just nailed a Beaner executioner job with the Fed! 55k a year plus dental!
Jon: Wait, but you’re Mexican right?
Javier: So? It’s nothing personal, and the benefits are dope! Can’t wait to pop me some frijoleros!
Jon: Wait, but you’re Mexican right?
Javier: So? It’s nothing personal, and the benefits are dope! Can’t wait to pop me some frijoleros!
by Hammer of Jesus May 2, 2019
Get the Beaner executioner mug.A dusty bumper is the action of falling ass-first into the dirt while ones pants are around their ankles. Common during rowdy outdoor sex and defecating in the woods. If the latter is the cause of the dusty bumper, one may walk away with a rusty bumper.
Earl: Last night, I was beatin' cheeks with Becky in them woods right behind my trailer, when i tripped over a stob and gave myself a dusty bumper!
Jim-Bob: Well hell yeah brother, than poon is totally worth it! Fuckin' ain't nuthin' if she ain't yer cousin! Yeeeehaw!!
Jim-Bob: Well hell yeah brother, than poon is totally worth it! Fuckin' ain't nuthin' if she ain't yer cousin! Yeeeehaw!!
by Hammer of Jesus August 4, 2017
Get the dusty bumper mug.An award-winning combination between the classic themes of Big Black Cocks and Cock and Ball Torture, resulting in a streamlined term, BBCBT.
Gerald: I heard the boys were headed to Bill’s house tonight for a chill BBCBT sesh. You down?
Tom: When the fuck have I ever said no to some dank BBCBT with the boys?!
Tom: When the fuck have I ever said no to some dank BBCBT with the boys?!
by Hammer of Jesus July 13, 2019
Get the BBCBT mug.A designated person whose job it is to rinse penis. The penis rinser may be assigned to a single, or multiple penises.
Geoff: Man, I really got it all over the place with that cumfart...we’re gonna need some tissues.
Norbert: No need, my personal penis rinser will take care of our penises.
Geoff: Wow! Thanks bro!
Norbert: No need, my personal penis rinser will take care of our penises.
Geoff: Wow! Thanks bro!
by Hammer of Jesus April 24, 2019
Get the penis rinser mug.Davy Jones' Gravy is a dark, murky fecal/water combination that is the result of a particularly non-solid bowel movement, obscuring from vision all below it's putrid depths. Commonly found in public restrooms and port-o-potties.
I went to use the outhouse at the construction site, but it was so full that my balls dipped into Davy Jones' Gravy when I sat down.
by Hammer of Jesus February 14, 2017
Get the Davy Jones' Gravy mug.