Hammer of Jesus's definitions

shit pissing faggot

One who is so gay, that their butthole is nearly always filled with penises, dildos, cucumbers, etc. As a result of constant anal blockage, their physical anatomy has changed to allow feces to be expelled from the urethra as an alternate route. This change is what results in a shit pissing faggot.

Mary: You know, our neighbor Todd has been growing eggplants for years, and he’s never given us one!

Bill: That’s because Todd is a god damn shit pissing faggot. They all go up his ass.

Mary: I had no idea! How do you know, honey?

Bill: You didn’t notice the strange aftertaste when he invited us over for eggplant parmigiana??

by Hammer of Jesus June 12, 2018

power penis

A phallus of immense girth, length, and/or strength. Wielders as well as recipients must exercise extreme caution.

Sally was completely destroyed by Ralph’s power penis. Her funeral is tomorrow.

by Hammer of Jesus January 19, 2019

Fumming

The simultaneous occurrence of flatulence and ejaculation. Particularly common among the elderly who have weak bowel and penile control.

Jenny: Mom! Grandpa is fumming all over the place again!

Karen: Well, grab some towels and start cleaning him up!

Jenny: Ewwwww! I don’t wanna clean up grandpa’s nasty fum! It stinks!

Karen: Shut the fuck up and clean your grandpa’s fum or you’re grounded!

by Hammer of Jesus March 2, 2020

national dick sucking day iii

The third occasion of National Dick Sucking Day, occurring on October 12th every year.

Ron: Man, I sure gobbled a whole shitload of knobs on National Dick Sucking Day III.

Abe: Same bro. I love celebrating all of the 365 non-consecutive and independent occurrences of National Dick Sucking Day every year!

by Hammer of Jesus April 14, 2019

Devil's kiss

The Devil's kiss is the heinous action of the tip of one's penis making contact with the cold porcelain of the inside of a public toilet.

I went to take a shit in the strip club bathroom, where I was unpleasantly surprised by the icy cold sensation of the Devil's kiss. Now it burns when I pee. Thanks, Satan.

by Hammer of Jesus August 10, 2017

heinous anus gayness

A situation involving heavy sexual deviance of the rectum amid a furious homosexual encounter.

Bob: I heard Frank had to get reconstructive surgery on his asshole after spending an evening with Don.

Gerald: Just one night? Damn, there must have been seriously heinous anus gayness afoot.

by Hammer of Jesus August 17, 2019

boner queso

A synonym for smegma. Sometimes used specifically to describe dick cheese belonging to a person of hispanic origin.

Armando: Duuuude have you seen how much boner queso Jose has? You could make a quesadilla with that shit.

Carlos: Nah mang, I'm not really into checking out other dudes dick cheese status.

by Hammer of Jesus April 5, 2017