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HMB's definitions

blue ball

1. A ball that is blue.
2. A testicle or testicles that are blue.
3. A testicle or testicles that have not been used for a long time and therefore, in male mythological perception, are blue in color. This is merely metaphorical as the only way that testicles can turn blue are A) through the application of ink or paint, as in the scrotal tattooes of the old wrinkled retainers of the WangaWonkee tribes of the lower Balkans, or B) through constriction, as in preparation for castration (to prevent urination, which may infect the wound before it heals adequately).
My girlfriend wouldn:t screw me/do me/tattoo me so I went to bed with blue balls.
by HMB April 27, 2003
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Butt

1. Verb - to press up against or to jostle.
2. Noun - the end part of a rifle or shotgun or machinegun that rests against the shoulder or pectoral muscles to increase stability during firing.
3. Noun - the part of a human being that knows wind and earth. The buttocks and anus of a person.
4. Noun - the recipient or target of a joke.
Ever since Father O'Malley was caught butting that butt into that young choirboy's butt, he has become the butt of many cruel jokes.
by HMB April 11, 2003
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Christian

A person who believes in the teachings of Christ. Christianity was originally canonized and collated by the Roman Catholic Church. In the late 1500s, Henry VIII of England split with the Church and founded a Protestant Church. Later offshoots of this Protestant faith reached America and gave rise to the large number of different denominations and sects of Christian faith.

Statistics indicate that Christianity is the religion with the largest number of believers worldwide.

Christianity shares many facets of faith alongside the other Abrahamic faiths Judaism and Islam. All are monotheistic, all stress kindness to your fellow men, and all faiths maintain that the path to true happiness lies in devotion to God and the adherence to guidelines set out in canonical texts, whether these be the Old Testament, the New Testament, or the Quran.
"I can't seem to get any water out of my faucet and the bathtub backs up with dirty smelly water. I've tried Draino and Clorox and nothing works. I think I should call a Christian."

"Dude, don't you mean a plumber."

"Actually yeah you're right. I need a plumber."
by HMB April 7, 2003
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knock one out

1. To masturbate to orgasm (usually suffixed by "over" something or somebody). This is usually but not exclusively used to describe male masturbation.
2. To lose consciousness (3rd person). Used when describing a general nonspecific occurrence.
3. To lose consciousness (1st person Royal). Used exclusively by members of the hereditary ruling families of English speaking countries to describe what happened to them when they were last playing "Who's the Tampon, Camilla?"
4. (imperative) An injunction given, in the 2nd person singular, to knock out one of whatever is to be knocked out.
1. "Did you see that .jpeg of Madonna with the thong and pickled egg? I was on my way to work but when I saw that in my inbox I was waylaid by the need to rest awhile and knock one out."
2. "Billy, have you been knocking one out over here? The smell in this room is enough to knock one out."
3. "One has been knocking one out, one must pronounce oneself feeble as the strain of so doing has been enough to knock one out."
4. When two Scouse teenagers - wearing Kappa tracksuits and sporting formidable Scouse 'fro hairstyles - are going around smashing windows of buildings, and come across a 14th century church with several irreplaceable Gothic stained glass windows depicting scenes from the life of the Virgin Mary, passersby may often hear one Scouse youth inquire of the other whether the ecclesiastical image is worthy to be spared from their brand of urban renewal. The response is frequently "A-right, we'll just knock one out, then, an' leave the rest, okay Barry?" (HMB's Guide to Liverpool Nightlife, Fodders and Stoughton, 1993)
by HMB April 6, 2003
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erse

1. Old English term for the word "arse" (which means "ass").
2. Present day term for the Irish tongue.
1. and 2.

"Irish people talk a load of erse."
by HMB April 6, 2003
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pretentiosity

The state or act of being pretentious - affecting an air of superiority or culture where none truly exists.
"The latest discovery of Jane Austen's unprinted masterpiece, 'Pointlessness and Pretentiosity', brings together the dramatic cycle with a fitting juxtaposition of anagnorisis and perepetaea, providing the quintessential climax and denouement if you will, to a genre that is already fucking full of shit to be honest."

Siskel and Ebert, "Two-Birdies-Up Film Reviews"
by HMB March 27, 2003
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hideity

1. The act, state, or condition of being hideous.
2. A word you say when you have died and gone to heaven or hell and, upon being faced with a nonplussed deity, with which you greet them.
1. "Jane Austen's latest undiscovered offering, 'Pointlessness and Pretentiosity', reveals a new female protagonist, whose tenacity is matched only by her hideity and the length of her pubic mustache."

2. GOD: HMB, you stand accused of a lifetime granted by My grace, wasted in pursuit of atheism, masturbation, and belief in Darwinian evolutionary theory. What have you to say for yourself?

HMB: Hideity.
by HMB March 27, 2003
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