A variant on the famous "Schrodinger's Cat" thought exercise, which questions the living or dead status of a cat locked in a box with a randomly-released toxic gas.
In a Schrodinger's Crap situation, a form of uncertainty principle is applied to certain types of bowel movements which defy pre-emergence classification. It is impossible to accurately predict their state until after it has emerged, by which point it is too late.
Parameters:
1. Something in your rectum is trying to get out.
2. It will be a solid, or a liquid, or a gas. And no other. (No plasmas, etc.)
3. If its final state is gaseous, you can liberate it with minimal concern.
4. If it is either liquid or solid, it will require further steps for successful disposal.
The paradox lies in the fact that the exact state of a Schrodinger's Crap cannot be accurately deduced before opening the system to observation. But opening the system to observation is fatal to the system's continued existence, as the toxic gas is already released. Followed to its logical extreme, the Schrodinger's Crap theory posits that the contents of the system are ALL OF: a solid, a liquid, and a gas - simultaneously.
(Note: the word "uncertainty" also has the word "taint" in it. Coincidence? I think not.)
In a Schrodinger's Crap situation, a form of uncertainty principle is applied to certain types of bowel movements which defy pre-emergence classification. It is impossible to accurately predict their state until after it has emerged, by which point it is too late.
Parameters:
1. Something in your rectum is trying to get out.
2. It will be a solid, or a liquid, or a gas. And no other. (No plasmas, etc.)
3. If its final state is gaseous, you can liberate it with minimal concern.
4. If it is either liquid or solid, it will require further steps for successful disposal.
The paradox lies in the fact that the exact state of a Schrodinger's Crap cannot be accurately deduced before opening the system to observation. But opening the system to observation is fatal to the system's continued existence, as the toxic gas is already released. Followed to its logical extreme, the Schrodinger's Crap theory posits that the contents of the system are ALL OF: a solid, a liquid, and a gas - simultaneously.
(Note: the word "uncertainty" also has the word "taint" in it. Coincidence? I think not.)
HMB: Dude, you're walking funny.
HDT: I can't help it. I feel like I wanna fart, or maybe take a dump. But I can't figure out if I'm going to "gamble and lose". I feel like I'm touching cloth.
APLR: Wait, I have an answer. Your digestive system is entirely described by a single state function, "psi". For every observable, "A", there is a corresponding Hermitian Operator, "A^". The result of measuring "A" must be an eigenvalue of "A^". If such an operator has eigenvalue "a" and corresponding eigenstate "phi", then the probability of measuring "a" is the positive value of ("phi"|"psi") all squared. If the result of a measurement of "A" is "a", then the state of the system changes to the eigenstate "phi". Between measurements, "psi" evolves according to the Time-Dependent Schrodinger Equation.
HMB: ...
HDT: ...
APLR: What this means in layman's terms is that the state of your bowel movement cannot be independently observed without opening the system and releasing toxic gases. You have a Schrodinger's Crap situation.
HDT: ... and now I am touching socks.
HDT: I can't help it. I feel like I wanna fart, or maybe take a dump. But I can't figure out if I'm going to "gamble and lose". I feel like I'm touching cloth.
APLR: Wait, I have an answer. Your digestive system is entirely described by a single state function, "psi". For every observable, "A", there is a corresponding Hermitian Operator, "A^". The result of measuring "A" must be an eigenvalue of "A^". If such an operator has eigenvalue "a" and corresponding eigenstate "phi", then the probability of measuring "a" is the positive value of ("phi"|"psi") all squared. If the result of a measurement of "A" is "a", then the state of the system changes to the eigenstate "phi". Between measurements, "psi" evolves according to the Time-Dependent Schrodinger Equation.
HMB: ...
HDT: ...
APLR: What this means in layman's terms is that the state of your bowel movement cannot be independently observed without opening the system and releasing toxic gases. You have a Schrodinger's Crap situation.
HDT: ... and now I am touching socks.
by HMB September 13, 2009
The state of being a smart ass, or possibly something done to create such a state. A Latinate spelling of "smart-ass-ity".
HMB's urbandictionary definitions are characterized by their loquacity, obscurity, and smartacity.
"What your comment lacks in logical merit or accuracy, it more than makes up for in smartacity."
"What your comment lacks in logical merit or accuracy, it more than makes up for in smartacity."
by HMB November 23, 2007
In text-only conversations, such as email, IM, or status updates, this word means "looks proud" or "looks smug".
It can often be intended ironically, especially when somebody has done something dubious or unhygienic but still feels the need to tell others about it.
It can often be intended ironically, especially when somebody has done something dubious or unhygienic but still feels the need to tell others about it.
Conversation 1 (straight usage):
HMB: Hey, I got sworn in at the high court this week as a lawyer! Woo hoo!
DTM: Oh wow! Respect! I'd imagine you're over the moon about this!
HMB: Yes. Yes, I am. *prouds*
Conversation 2 (ironic usage):
HMB: I breathed on a kitten once, and it got real sick. *prouds*
DTM: Dude, WTF.
HMB: Hey, I got sworn in at the high court this week as a lawyer! Woo hoo!
DTM: Oh wow! Respect! I'd imagine you're over the moon about this!
HMB: Yes. Yes, I am. *prouds*
Conversation 2 (ironic usage):
HMB: I breathed on a kitten once, and it got real sick. *prouds*
DTM: Dude, WTF.
by HMB December 21, 2009
Shorthand for "Hitler's moustache". This describes a woman's pubic hair when she has shaved almost all of it off, leaving only a thin strip of hair covering her vulva.
So named for its similarity to Adolf Hitler's moustache, which was threefold:
a) It was also narrow and dark.
b) It also "lay above the lips".
c) It can move hypnotically, with a strange effect on the weak-minded.
So named for its similarity to Adolf Hitler's moustache, which was threefold:
a) It was also narrow and dark.
b) It also "lay above the lips".
c) It can move hypnotically, with a strange effect on the weak-minded.
I asked my first girlfriend if she would shave her beaver, and it turns out she was a member of PETA so I ended up getting slapped.
Then I asked my second girlfriend if she would shave her Map of Tasmania, and it turns out she was an Australian Aborigine so she cut me with a flint-knapped knife.
Last night I asked my third girlfriend to shave her Hitler tash, and she looked at me and said "I'm Jewish".
If the Mossad come looking for me, I'm not at home, okay?
Then I asked my second girlfriend if she would shave her Map of Tasmania, and it turns out she was an Australian Aborigine so she cut me with a flint-knapped knife.
Last night I asked my third girlfriend to shave her Hitler tash, and she looked at me and said "I'm Jewish".
If the Mossad come looking for me, I'm not at home, okay?
by HMB May 23, 2007
(noun) From Ancient Greek dramatic tradition, this usually comes after a great revelation (anagnorisis) has occurred, and consists of a reversal of fortunes. Thus, a king who rules wisely for fifty years, then discovers that he killed his father and married his mother without knowing it, is at that point in time a participant in a peripetaeia.
Film Critic 1: "I was relaxing with a few porn vids the other night and it turns out one of them was a gay porn tape that I'd shoplifted by mistake. Well, guess who was starring in that gay tape?"
Film Critic 2: "Dude, I don't know. I don't watch gay porn."
Film Critic 1: "Me neither, but get this: it was Peter North."
Film Critic 2: "No way!"
Film Critic 1: "I swear, it was Peter North. And another guy was doing him up the butt and then he comes all over the schoolroom table."
Film Critic 2: "Well this certainly makes for a very dramatic peripetaeia, coming as it does hot on the heels of an anagnorisis."
Film Critic 1: "Yes, and we might even say that his latent homosexuality is his hamartia."
Film Critic 2: "Dude, I don't know. I don't watch gay porn."
Film Critic 1: "Me neither, but get this: it was Peter North."
Film Critic 2: "No way!"
Film Critic 1: "I swear, it was Peter North. And another guy was doing him up the butt and then he comes all over the schoolroom table."
Film Critic 2: "Well this certainly makes for a very dramatic peripetaeia, coming as it does hot on the heels of an anagnorisis."
Film Critic 1: "Yes, and we might even say that his latent homosexuality is his hamartia."
by HMB November 20, 2003
A German word meaning "both yes and no". Derives from the German "ja" for yes, and "nein" for no. Rhymes with "shine". This usually is said in response to a question that appears to be a yes/no question but on later consideration is actually more complicated than that.
HMB: I hear in Germany they sell alcoholic beverages by the liter instead of by the pint. I'll bet that's a much better way to enjoy yourself.
Dagmar (perplexed and pondering): Jein. Actually it is not being that simple, for the price of a glass of beer is higher than elsewhere, also it is harder to pace yourself... but I understand that time is rare so I must shrug it off.
HMB: LOL and ROLFMAO at your awesome German transliterations! "Time is rare"! You German girls are so cool! (Nuffles Dagmar.)
Dagmar (bewildered): ...does not compute...
Dagmar (perplexed and pondering): Jein. Actually it is not being that simple, for the price of a glass of beer is higher than elsewhere, also it is harder to pace yourself... but I understand that time is rare so I must shrug it off.
HMB: LOL and ROLFMAO at your awesome German transliterations! "Time is rare"! You German girls are so cool! (Nuffles Dagmar.)
Dagmar (bewildered): ...does not compute...
by HMB November 25, 2006
An Indonesian (and probably Malay, too) word. This describes the behavior of women when they see a cute baby. It also describes the baby itself. Translated into English, it means roughly:
"The state of going out of one's mind in adoration of something that is extremely likeable or cute."
A woman under the influence of Gemes will hug and fondle the baby for very long periods of time, oblivious to all other disractions. (Including but not limited to: a boyfriend's inquiries, the train leaving the station, or the arrival of winter.)
Oftentimes, the bout of Gemes can be so severe that the baby will start crying, which only serves to intensify the attention paid to it in a vicious cycle of female hormonal reactions.
"The state of going out of one's mind in adoration of something that is extremely likeable or cute."
A woman under the influence of Gemes will hug and fondle the baby for very long periods of time, oblivious to all other disractions. (Including but not limited to: a boyfriend's inquiries, the train leaving the station, or the arrival of winter.)
Oftentimes, the bout of Gemes can be so severe that the baby will start crying, which only serves to intensify the attention paid to it in a vicious cycle of female hormonal reactions.
A group of Indonesian women: Aw! Look at the baby! GEMES!
A group of Indonesian boyfriends: WTF.
Used as an adjective: The baby was very gemes.
Used as a verb: The baby was gemesed.
Used as a verb: The women became gemesed over a single baby, who was itself gemes.
A group of Indonesian boyfriends: WTF.
Used as an adjective: The baby was very gemes.
Used as a verb: The baby was gemesed.
Used as a verb: The women became gemesed over a single baby, who was itself gemes.
by HMB August 13, 2004