Frustrated_Monolingual's definitions

Job Schindler

(n) The guy who, after leaving a crappy job, helps his buddies from the crappy job find new jobs at his new company.

Frank is a Job Schindler. As soon as he got out of there, he started pimping our resumes to his bosses.

by Frustrated_Monolingual September 9, 2010

Turd pump

(noun) - the action or systems necessary to compensate for a work environment in which authority to resolve a problem is chronically pushed up to the apex of an organization and accountability for having the problem solved is pushed down to the organization's lowest-ranking members.

Turd pumping, which is the verb form, is normally encouraged by punishing the subordinate worker for the non-compliance of his superiors.

Etymology: Because shit only flows downhill, anybody trying to make shit flow uphill must be using a pump.

Example 1: In a restaurant, the servers are made responsible for customer satisfaction but are denied the authority to order the kitchen to reheat cold food. One turd-pump method is to ask the waitress who is sleeping with the manager to take the food back to the kitchen for reheat.

Use in sentence: Janet can turd pump that steak back through the kitchen for you because the chef knows that the boss is hiding the sausage in her pantry.

Example 2 (use in sentence): Subordinate worker "begging for review" of document that subordinate worker is not allowed to file or submit to clients until the documents are reviewed by a superior, where the subordinate will be punished if results are not timely.

Use in sentence: The reason that Liu can't the client's assignment out on time is that you need a 3-phase turd pump to get the partners to sign anything this week.

by Frustrated_Monolingual January 1, 2010

ESD

ESD - publicly acceptable shorthand for the sentence, "Eat shit and die." Commonly followed by a proper noun of address. Typically used in situations where the word shit is not allowed to be used, or where the available number of display characters is limited, e.g. license plates and public signs.

Mr. Jones, I want you to go into the lounge of the common area at Walton Hall tonight and write on the chalkboard, "ESDW. XOXO, H."

by Frustrated_Monolingual December 31, 2009

Conspiration

(noun) - The moment of formation or state of forming a conspiracy, particularly in a work setting.

The five of us had a spontaneous conspiration, when we realized that each of us knew that two of the four owners were fucking headcases and we had to help each other find parachutes before the plane went into the drink.

by Frustrated_Monolingual March 15, 2011

Stealthturd

(noun) - a turd delivered, due to the expectation of its raw heinousness, on the bathroom of another floor in your office building.

Yeah, Ben thinks he's cutting a stealthturd on 3rd floor every week. What he doesn't know is that the receptionist on the other side of the wall can hear him grunting.

by Frustrated_Monolingual September 11, 2009

Zooperb

Adjective - in a state of complete disorder such that it appears that the situation is being directed by angry baboons.

The thing that's making my schedule so zooperb these days is that the guys who are complaining about the timeliness of my work product are the same guys who are refusing to let me start work until they sign off on the proposals and recommendations that have been rotting on their desks for the past two months.

by Frustrated_Monolingual August 26, 2009

shamentarpen

(noun, borrowed from German) a tarp deployed over a college football stadium to hide empty seats that would otherwise be seen by television cameras.

Baylor uses a shamentarpen to cover the fact that they can't get fans into the stadium, even when they have a Heisman winner at QB. Rice uses a shamentarpen over each end zone, but each of them covers a number of seats lower than the average Rice SAT.

by Frustrated_Monolingual August 6, 2012