urinal anxiety

An affliction of males characterized by unusual behaviours in the men's room. Urinal anxiety is manifest in the actions of a man who walks into the men's room and heads directly toward the urinals, but -upon seeing another man already standing at a nearby urinal- immediately changes course for the stalls. Urinal anxiety afflicts a substantial number of males who have a phobia about pissing in a location where another male might notice their schlong (as if other males would have an interest in someone else's schlong...). The most extreme form of urinal anxiety is usually seen in locations using the old "trough" urinals often placed in ball park restrooms. The afflicted male approaches the other happy, piss-spattering companions, pulls his dick out, and... and... and... (after a long delay) zips his dick back up, unable to urinate, and shame-facedly departs the restroom unsatisfied.

Damn, Frank never uses the urinals. The other day he went into the women's room at the ball park to avoid the trough. I think he's gripped by urinal anxiety.

by Frank Klaune February 20, 2005

K-Mart Liturgy

You get up on a Sunday morning, take a shower, dress, then head out of the house. Your family is very sure that you are a good boy, heading out to go to church. Instead of attending church services, however, you go to K-Mart and spend just the appropriate amount of time there browsing merchandise so upon your return, your ruse is very convincing.

Frank's parents think he is such a good boy but we know the truth. He did a K-Mart Liturgy and bought condoms.

by Frank Klaune January 24, 2005

fuck her headlights out

Term used to describe vigorous sex with a some hot bitch. Usually used in a hypothetical situation- bar talk.

Frank was all boozed up when he gestured to that bitch in the corner and said to me, "hey... how would you like to fuck her headlights out." Frank is such a moron.

by Frank Klaune June 24, 2006

scratch the patch

Literally, for one to "scratch where it itches", in particular to scratch the genital area. Often seen as a sign of some disgusting disease or STD.

Man, Frank was picking up that chick in the bar, but when he saw her scratch the patch, he flipped her off and left. I think he figured she had VD or crabs or something.

by Frank Klaune November 13, 2004

sack of shit

Beneath contempt. Worthless. The term is usually used to describe a contemptably dishonest person.

You told me you were going to take care of that but you obviously didn't, you lying sack of shit!

by Frank Klaune January 21, 2005

spray paint

The forceful, sometimes violent expulsion of liquid shit into the toilet at high velocity. The "spray paint" term relates to the viewing of the underside of the toilet seat and the general condition of the toilet bowl which is usually well sprayed with dumpage.

"Man, I had such a gut cramp, I ran to the bathroom and let go with spray paint. Damn, it's a good thing we're at Frank's house. I wouldn't want to clean that up at my house."

by Frank Klaune March 06, 2004

ahs-wee-pay

Less commonly as of late, it is the phonetic, literal pronounciation of "asswipe" (said usually with a fake foreign accent). The term is used as a direct replacement for "asswipe" just with the foreign-sounding pronounciation for any of a number of stupid reasons.

"Hey ahs-wee-payyyy... wot's up mon?"

by Frank Klaune March 06, 2004