Frank Klaune's definitions

test fart

When you are in a social / public situation and have the urge to pass a considerable amount of gas. If it has been a long time since your last fart, you are unsure of:

1) The sound level (volume) of the fart
2) The smell level (stench) of the fart

... so you let out a small amount of the fart in a discreet fashion- thus you have let a test fart.

Frank was in church the other day and had to fart really bad. He said he intended to let a test fart but instead of a squibbler, it turned out to be a blastus and he wound up shitting his pants in the middle of the sermon. Damn, what an idiot!

by Frank Klaune April 14, 2005

onion soup

Phrase used to describe powerful B.O. (body odor). A person with powerful, stenchy, reeking B.O. may smell like onion soup. The smell is common among the french people.

Damn, Frank didn't take a shower for two weeks. When he came into the room, Mike said, "PHEW! Onion soup!"

by Frank Klaune May 2, 2005

first cut them off then flip them off

The phrase is used as advice for impatient drivers (usually impatient, incompetant yuppy sorts in overly expensive cars) who hesitate when a much slower car approaches the intersection (usually driven by an old fart with a handicapped sign on the mirror). If the yuppy waits, he will inevitably be trapped behind the slow old fart for a long time. Thus the advice, "first cut them off, then flip them off" intended to not only offend the other driver by cutting them off, but also to infuriate them by giving them "the bird" immediately thereafter. A totally un-called-for move which is very hilarious, it is also summed up by the phrase, "those who hesitate, wait". Either phrase perhaps best summarizes the attitude of extreme, offensive driving- skills not taught in your average Driver's Ed Class.

"Frank slowed down at the intersection, but when he saw that handicapped sign on the approaching car in the cross traffic, he gunned it without stopping. As the tires squealed around the corner, he rolled the window down and flipped off the cross traffic. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he replied, "first cut them off, then flip them off". Man, Frank is an asshole!"

by Frank Klaune November 11, 2004

spreading joy

The phrase refers to the process of letting a massive amount of fart gas out in a carefully metered way- usually by farting silently while walking. In this manner, a disasterously huge amount of fart may be discretely dispensed over a larger geographical area. When faced with the prospect of needing to fart in a socially awkward situation, a person often resorts to initially letting a test fart. If the test fart indicates a vile, deadly amount of gas, the person may opt to walk (for example) from the punch bowl across the dance floor, and over to the bar- all the while silently farting the whole way. People at the punch bowl will begin vomiting, the dance floor will clear and the bar area patrons may begin to pass out. Meanwhile, the farter may actually be dozens of feet away, thus escaping blame. In such a way, the farter is said to be "spreading joy."

Damn, Frank is such an idiot. He farted over by the band and kept walking. He's spreading joy all over the wedding reception. How disgusting!

by Frank Klaune September 1, 2005

Lett

The second smallest category in the scientific measurement of farts. Usually involuntarily released, the lett ranks between the SBD and a squibbler.

"Frank bent over to change the tire and a lett squeaked out."

by Frank Klaune March 5, 2004

urf

Euphemism for the vomit. "Urf" is useable as a noun or verb and is directly synonymous with "ralph". Urf is a much more useful word as it best approximates the wretched sound of a person who is delivering street pizza by inverting their tummy.

Man, Frank was so screwed up on bourbon last night he stepped outside to urf. In the morning the neighbors smelled something nasty and saw the urf in the bird bath.

by Frank Klaune November 24, 2004

K-Mart Liturgy

You get up on a Sunday morning, take a shower, dress, then head out of the house. Your family is very sure that you are a good boy, heading out to go to church. Instead of attending church services, however, you go to K-Mart and spend just the appropriate amount of time there browsing merchandise so upon your return, your ruse is very convincing.

Frank's parents think he is such a good boy but we know the truth. He did a K-Mart Liturgy and bought condoms.

by Frank Klaune January 24, 2005