Definitions by Frank Klaune
scrambled egg
Derogatory term used to describe a person of diminished mental capacity- formerly known as "retarded".
Damn, Frank is so impatient. He got mad when his McDonald's order got screwed up and yelled at the scrambled egg who took his order.
scrambled egg by Frank Klaune March 29, 2005
über moron
One of many possible fun uses of the über prefix. An über moron represents the pinnacle of pea-brain, the apex of asshole and the depth of dipshit. An über moron embodies the highest (or is that the lowest) level of stupid, home-grown, industrial strentgh, heavy duty idiocy.
Damn, we just convinced Frank that he grew up on a mayonnaise farm. Now he's looking it up online. Man, he's such an über moron!
über moron by Frank Klaune March 21, 2005
Polish fly swatter
The spash screen placed in the bottom of a urinal to stop spattering pissors from getting ocean spray on their trousers. The Polish fly swatter often is embedded with a urinal cake or scented sustance to enable you to spend many hours of enchanting sniffing in such a delightful environment.
Polish fly swatter by Frank Klaune February 20, 2005
urinal anxiety
An affliction of males characterized by unusual behaviours in the men's room. Urinal anxiety is manifest in the actions of a man who walks into the men's room and heads directly toward the urinals, but -upon seeing another man already standing at a nearby urinal- immediately changes course for the stalls. Urinal anxiety afflicts a substantial number of males who have a phobia about pissing in a location where another male might notice their schlong (as if other males would have an interest in someone else's schlong...). The most extreme form of urinal anxiety is usually seen in locations using the old "trough" urinals often placed in ball park restrooms. The afflicted male approaches the other happy, piss-spattering companions, pulls his dick out, and... and... and... (after a long delay) zips his dick back up, unable to urinate, and shame-facedly departs the restroom unsatisfied.
Damn, Frank never uses the urinals. The other day he went into the women's room at the ball park to avoid the trough. I think he's gripped by urinal anxiety.
urinal anxiety by Frank Klaune February 20, 2005
urinal protocol
The unwritten, unmentioned male code of conduct strictly governing behaviour in a public restroom.
Urinal protocol dicktates (pardon the pun) that every male must make due effort to accommodate a buffer urinal if possible. In situations when a buffer urinal is not possible, the pissor must engage in mindless, inane, random conversation with his fellow piss-ees- a phenomenon known as urinal talk. The highest rule of urinal protocol governs eye contact. Eyes must remain straight ahead in a zombie-like stare, and finish with only a brief glance downward (at your putz) during the final shake. While a brief glance at the face of a fellow piss-ee is an acceptable part of urinal talk, a 30 second jaw-agape stare at his dong is un-cool. Similarly, while placing a hand on the wall above the urinal to steady one's self is acceptable (especially when drunk), placing one's hand on another's sholder is not too cool. Urinal talk must never lead to the pissor urinating on the shoes of the piss-ee.
Urinal protocol evolved as a means to deal with urinal anxiety (also referred to as being pee shy) and it's corresponding eccentric behaviour. Restroom owners may erect (pardon the pun) a shame shield as a method of dealing with urinal anxiety and encourage compliance with the time-tested "urinal protocol".
Urinal protocol dicktates (pardon the pun) that every male must make due effort to accommodate a buffer urinal if possible. In situations when a buffer urinal is not possible, the pissor must engage in mindless, inane, random conversation with his fellow piss-ees- a phenomenon known as urinal talk. The highest rule of urinal protocol governs eye contact. Eyes must remain straight ahead in a zombie-like stare, and finish with only a brief glance downward (at your putz) during the final shake. While a brief glance at the face of a fellow piss-ee is an acceptable part of urinal talk, a 30 second jaw-agape stare at his dong is un-cool. Similarly, while placing a hand on the wall above the urinal to steady one's self is acceptable (especially when drunk), placing one's hand on another's sholder is not too cool. Urinal talk must never lead to the pissor urinating on the shoes of the piss-ee.
Urinal protocol evolved as a means to deal with urinal anxiety (also referred to as being pee shy) and it's corresponding eccentric behaviour. Restroom owners may erect (pardon the pun) a shame shield as a method of dealing with urinal anxiety and encourage compliance with the time-tested "urinal protocol".
urinal protocol by Frank Klaune February 20, 2005
drug monster
Another common Tomism with humorous implications, "drug monster" refers to a person whose personality is higly changeable through use of drugs. It also refers to one who uses a large quantity of drugs and implies a dependence on such drugs.
Frank took a speedball, two hits off the bong, an LSD cube and a 'lude. Man, he is one drug monster!
drug monster by Frank Klaune February 13, 2005
squirt the dirt
The act of relieving one's self (urinating) outside. Typically the term is used by truck drivers and travelers who have driven many miles (without a truck stop or rest area) and- needing to piss, they pull over to a side road to "squirt the dirt".
Damn, Frank bought that big-ass 200 ounce bladder buster at the truck stop and the next thing you know, we have to pull over to squirt the dirt.
squirt the dirt by Frank Klaune February 2, 2005