Fearman's definitions

might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb

Expression used in resentment as a reason for doing something deemed unethical when one knows one is going to be accused of doing that thing anyway, particularly when there is much to be gained by doing it.

They are going to accuse me of doing nothing and/or of working and drawing the dole at the same time, so I might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb.

by Fearman December 28, 2007

necro-reiteration

Mental experience in which you come to believe on numerous occasions that someone must have died a while back, often persisting for many years until you hear for certain in the media that they have just actually died.

I had necro-reiteration about Joan Miro and Evel Knievel for at least a decade before they popped their clogs.

by Fearman January 6, 2008

cable hair

One of those hairs often found growing in facial hair that seem to consist of at least ten normal hairs welded together and that you simply can't resist the urge to pull out; fortunately, frequently an easy operation.

Oh, look. Cable hair. (Pinches and pulls.) Oooohh ahhh, that's lovely.

by Fearman August 30, 2007

Modern Art

Someone bought more burgers and fries than they could eat at a drive-thru McDonald's in the boondocks. Thirty miles down the road they tossed the leftovers out the window. The leftovers fermented in the sun and five days later a great big dog wandered by, thought the mess smelled appetising and ate it. The meal played havoc with the dog's nervous system and it went quite wild. The next time a car came by the dog took a flying leap through the windscreen at a relative speed of almost a hundred miles an hour, killing itself and likely the driver and sending the car out of control. The car flipped over four times and lay on the road, subsequently catching fire and burning out. A milk lorry came over the top of the hill and crashed into the mess, and was followed by five or six more vehicles before the authorities got the faintest notion what was going on and partitioned the area off. Shortly afterwards a Boeing 747 carrying, among other things, a few large containers of yellow paint suffered a blowout and had to descend. The paint squirted out of the plane and splashed down on top of the pile-up. A hitch-hiker came by with a camera and thought the whole thing looked intriguing. He took some pictures and downloaded them onto his computer later on. The pictures were Photoshopped to look a little spooky and later printed in this new form on T-shirts. The photographer's girlfriend wore one of these to an art gallery and he photographed her pulling faces and balling her fists while wearing the T-shirt. Later on, these photographs were projected onto a screen in a display room in another gallery and a painter executed a painting of people in the room watching the slide show. Shortly afterwards everyone involved in the production of all this art - the hitchhiker photographer, the girlfriend, the painter, and all - had the good sense to overdose on cocaine at a party and die shortly thereafter, thereby sensibly removing themselves from the means of production and terminating their financial interest in the process. The painting was sold for £300,000 at Sotheby's and artie journalists claimed it was emblematic of the ultimately existentiallistically meaningless search for meaning within the postmodernist aesthetic.

And that more or less is a typical story of Modern Art.

by Fearman March 5, 2008

couldn't be rat-arsed

In other words, couldn't be bothered.

We tried to get him to send in the form on time, but he couldn't be rat-arsed.

by Fearman May 24, 2008

Albus Dumbledore

WARNING, SPOILERS:
Full name Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore. Born around 1840-46, died 1997. Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, in the novels by Jo Rowling. Named for the Latin for white, and an Anglo-Saxon term meaning "bumblebee", as Rowling imagined the old man humming about the school. Headed the Order of the Phoenix in both its incarnations. Campaigned for the truth about the evil Voldemort to be known, but was unimpressed by his power and pretensions; addressed Voldemort simply as "Tom" (Marvolo Riddle) whenever they met. Killed for reasons Harry Potter does not at first comprehend, but as for the question of whether we see him again, hey, this is Hogwarts, remember? Recently outed by author Rowling as gay (!!! go Jo !!!); his greatest mistake was to fall in love with Gellert Grindelwald. Wise old man who has come by his wisdom in that hallowed academy, the School of Hard Knocks. Warm, friendly, fierce when necessary, had style, truly unforgettable. Played in the movies by the late great Richard Harris (years 1&2), and subsequently by Michael Gambon. At once among the finest wizards and finest gay characters to grace the pages of fiction.

Albus Dumbledore. The only wizard Voldemort ever feared.

"Exactly", said Dumbledore, beaming once more. "Which makes you very different from Tom Riddle. It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, page 245, Bloomsbury ed.

"You mean he was weak!", screamed Voldemort. "Too weak to dare, too weak to take what might have been his, what will be mine!"
"No, he was cleverer than you", said Harry, "a better wizard, a better man."
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, p. 592

by Fearman November 26, 2007

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

President of the United States from 1961 to 1963, 35th to take the job. Started the GI ball rolling in Vietnam. Seen as a plaster saint by the left wing just the same, partly because he avoided actually terminating the biosphere over the Cuban Missile Crisis and partly because he had the good sense to get himself shot dead while in office. Shot by Lee Harvey Oswald, a gibbous fanatic on his way to an eldritch rendezvous.

John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Kennedy of Camelot. Loved Marylin. What more can I say?

by Fearman September 3, 2007