Fearman's definitions

Gender Factuality Paradox

The Gender Factuality Paradox is that unsolved mystery encapsulated in the question, "If a man says something and the nearest woman is 120 miles away and listening to the Bee Gees, is he still wrong?"

The Gender Factuality Paradox is set to have Gender Studies MA students scuppered this year.

by Fearman April 1, 2008

The Ring

1. The One Ring created by the Dark Lord Sauron in Tolkein's Lord of the Rings "to bring them all/ and in the darkness bind them/ in the Land of Mordor/ where the shadows lie."

2. Kick-ass horror movie which manages to be an improvement on both the Japanese original and its own sequel. Concerns a video tape which (indirectly) kills its viewers by attracting their way the attention of a little girl you REALLY do NOT want to meet. You've probably heard the sting in the tail, so I won't mention it here.

Always the Nazgul are drawn to the Ring.

Answering machine message inspired by The Ring:

"Hello, you have just contacted the Morgan Family Bloodstock Company, Moesko Island. Unfortunately Samara can't come crawling out of your television just at the moment, but if you leave your name, number and details of the video after the tone, she promises to get in touch with you some time next week. Sweet dreams."

by Fearman December 18, 2007

this is your life and it is ending one minute at a time

Catch-phrase from Chuck Palahniuk's breakthrough novel Fight Club, and the David Fincher movie based on it. This is your life and it is ending one minute at a time. Reminder of mortality, prod in the back to go out and do something with yourself.

This is your life and it is ending one minute at a time, boy.

by Fearman May 28, 2008

as you do

Expression used ironically in a mocking tone to suggest that something idiotic someone has done is exactly what any ordinary intelligent person would have done in that situation ... NOT.

After one pedal flew off his pushbike and into the drains near Marie's, he tied one foot to the remaining pedal with twine for the return journey and pedalled extra hard, as you do.

Dizzy Dolly tried to cover up the catshit on the toilet floor by laying down the handle of the toilet brush across it, as you do.

by Fearman October 8, 2007

Marxism

Either this manifesto's dead or my watch has stopped.

What a nice idea at first sight and all that. Marxism Schmarxism.

by Fearman March 3, 2008

Salvador Dali

A confused artist but a genius. Distinctly gay (and I mean that in the most admiring way), but claimed to admire Franco, who was a fat little upstart. Painted perhaps the most famous artworks to join the Surrealist canon. Never got on with self-styled Surrealist Pope Andre Breton, who cynically pointed out that Dali's name was an anagram for "Avida Dollars". Then again, have you ever heard of a line of perfume called "Andre Breton"? No, I didn't think so. Gave his paintings long-winded titles that made their puzzling complexity all the more puzzling, and in whatever afterlife awaits Surrealist genius, his eyes are surely sparkling mischievously at the nonsense that academics are spouting about his sexuality. Well known for his antenna-moustache, his penchant for walking his pet lobster up the Rue de Rivoli, and his motifs of flyblown donkeys, ants, melting watches, crutches, conical anamorphoses of the Spectres of Voltaire, and all the rest. Without him, Ozzy Ozbourne would never have bitten a bat. Referenced in all the best rock songs from U2 to Queen. Worked with Luis Bunuel on L'Age d'Or and Un Chien Andalou (The Golden Age and An Andalucian Dog), two waaay cool movies. His antennae were the vibrissa of the world, and Cadaques was its nose. He promised to eat his wife Gala after she died, which contributed to her longevity. He said the only difference between himself and a madman was that he was not mad, and paranoiac-critically speaking, he was right.

Salvador Dali. Yaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy Salvador.

by Fearman August 31, 2007

St. James of LA

James Douglas Morrison (1943-71), poet, shaman, lead singer for dark psychedelic and blues group The Doors, and someone who really knew what material to use for trousers. Had talent and a half. Knew the writings of Huxley, Nietzsche, Artaud and William Blake. Had a rocking good life. If he hadn't swallowed so much of his own bullshit, not to mention such vast quantities of alcohol and at least one particular dose of opiate, he might have had a lot more of it. Buried at a modest site in Pere Lachaise, Paris. Since then his grave has become a Mecca for saprophytic potheads who have spread graffiti far and wide, desecrated his memory and pissed off the surviving relatives of those buried round about.

Terry went on a trip to Paris last year to check out the burial site of St. James of LA.

by Fearman April 13, 2008