when the Minnesota Vikings win a Super Bowl

never (used to refer to scenarios you wish would happen but probably never will)

I have a huge crush on Ashley from math class, but I'll probably get to second base with her when the Minnesota Vikings win a Super Bowl.

by Father Abraham II January 22, 2018

Stationary Jet Lag

A relatively mild form of jet lag that doesn’t happen after traveling somewhere, but after either night of daylight savings time when you’re body is readjusting to the hour lost or gained overnight.

I get fired from my job every spring because stationary jet lag causes me to oversleep and show up late the day after spring forward.

by Father Abraham II March 14, 2022

Pandumbass

Currently a dangerous threat to public health. Pandumbasses are people who don't know how to stay 6 feet apart, cover their mouth when they sneeze, and try to talk and shake hands with every single person they meet in public. They are a lot more susceptible to not only catch the disease themselves but also pass it on to other people.

Pandumbasses on Spring Break are partying anyway and don't care that they could pass corona to literally hundreds of other people.
Pandumbasses took to the State Capitol to protest social distancing guidelines designed to save people's lives.
Steve didn't wash his hands after using a public bathroom but wouldn't buy Corona beer because it was just too risky - what a Pandumbass

by Father Abraham II April 18, 2020

Jesus Weekend

A weekend where you leave on Friday and then return on Sunday.

Last weekend I went to Canada with my family and tonight I'm going to Kathy's 48-hour party for the second consecutive Jesus Weekend.

by Father Abraham II February 02, 2022

Turn Signal

Many people do not know this but there is actually a feature on your car called a "turn signal." The turn signal is a stick behind your steering wheel that when utilized, flashes an orange light on the outside of your car. The orange light then informs other drivers which direction you are thinking about fucking going.

Dumbass Friend: I just don't get it, whenever I turn or switch lanes, someone honks at me and gives me the middle finger.
You: Do you remember to use your turn signal?
Dumbass Friend: What's that?

by Father Abraham II August 08, 2017

Pandemoron

Someone who thinks that you’ll get sick by drinking Corona beer or eating Chinese food, but not by going to a crowded beach or partying with a bunch of friends in a fucking mosh pit

Mark is French kissing every chick at the club but he won’t call his sick mom because he thinks he’ll catch it through the phone. He a pandemoron

by Father Abraham II April 18, 2020

Seth Rogen's Signature Fragrance™

The smell of weed

My car always smells like Seth Rogen's Signature Fragrance™, so I always have to cover the car with Fabreeze whenever I get pulled over by the cops.

by Father Abraham II June 17, 2019