Mister Microphone

Come over here you slut and speak to mister microphone.

She blew mister microphone for a half hour till I busted nutz.
by Dick Onchin September 13, 2020
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Marker Tipper

A post shit wipe job that seemingly never wipes clean. No matter how many wipes, the paper looks like a magic marker tip is peeking out your ass and streaking the toilet paper. Eventually, you just give up and except it won’t be completely clean.
Man it never fails. I was in a hurry and took a quick shit. Ended up with a marker tipper and spent 15 minutes wiping myself raw. Finally gave up.

The marker tipper I had ended up also leaving skid marks in my boxers.
by Dick Onchin December 07, 2020
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Covid Turkey Slap

Due to social distancing, simulating the performance of a traditional Turkey Slap by swinging the penis back and forth, 6 ft away from her face with no physical contact.

While not as physically satisfying as it would be under non-pandemic circumstances, the act of lovingly pseudo-slapping your partner in the face with an erect or semi erect penis is still a coveted tradition especially around Thanksgiving.
My hot cousin came to town for thanksgiving. While i normally would give her a Turkey slap after everyone went to bed, we kept our distance and had to settle for the covid Turkey slap instead. I gave her a little helicopter penis action as well.
by Dick Onchin November 13, 2020
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Cattail Fluff

When she wakes you up in the early morning hours by lowering and grinding her asshole on your face reverse cowgirl while working your limp dick into a raging hard on.
Sorry I’m late for work.

This is your last warning. You’ve been late all week.

I know. She keeps doing the cattail fluff on me and I end up clapping them cheeks.

Well in that case, they can be excused. Clap on my good man.
by Dick Onchin October 01, 2020
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Velvet Trench

The vagina. The pussy. The snatch. The vulva.
I was dancing through her velvet trench all night.

Her velvet trench exploded with squirt as she vigorously paddled the little man in the boat.
by Dick Onchin February 05, 2021
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Hair On It

An extremely useful phrase that can be added to just about any statement to add emphasis of something nasty or strong.

Said emphasis may refer to, but not be limited to, the strength of a smell, the power of a punch or hit, poor taste or any other situation where accentuation of something nasty or rank is needed.
Braaaahh that fart is nasty it has got hair on it.
by Dick Onchin October 20, 2020
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Weenie Arm

1. A hand job.

2. Reference to one’s preferred hand/arm to masturbate with.

3. An insult referring to someone as a real jack off or one who jerks off others for money or personal gain to make themselves important or useful.
1. Rachel pulled the car back behind the Safeway loading dock and gave me a vigorous weenie arm till I busted on her console.

2. I can’t wait to get home tonight. I got a date with my weenie arm. Which do you prefer? Always a righty braaaaahhhh.

3. The new assistant is no doubt the principal’s new weenie arm.
by Dick Onchin May 10, 2020
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