Definitions by Des Lynam's Love-Gland

Briggsy Cockfighting 

A depraved sport enjoyed by bohemian arty types. The participants strip off and stand facing each other. On the referee's word they "engage" their genitalia and commence a sickening battle of diseased phalluses. The depraved spectators roar their approval of every thrust and slap, quaffing champagne throughout the contest. The winner is determined after one hour of cockmanship by 3 judges who award points for artistry, scabbiness, and blood-drawing. The winner enjoys a golden shower from all present and gets to bugger the referee's spaniel. The sport was named after Briggsy, the world's greatest arty bender, who invented it whilst celebrating winning the Turner Prize for his sculpture of a gorilla fucking a shark to death.

I'm in the mood for more entertainment after last night's Briggsy Fishing, Cedric.

Me too, Percy. I think its time for some Briggsy Cockfighting.

Briggsy Cockfighting by des lynam's love-gland August 4, 2009

Briggsy Burger 

In the mid-nineties London's gay art community threw what has become a legendary barbecue. A group of 6 arty queens masturbated over a quarter-pounder which they intended to enter for a prestigious art prize. Leading gay artist Briggsy watched the spectacle before mincing into the centre of the group and hungrily devouring the well-seasoned burger. Subsequently any burger liberally coated with jizz has been termed a Briggsy Burger.

Its a shame those queers didn't get to enter their Spunk Burger for the Briggsy Prize.

Not really. Briggsy spewed the whole lot and won the prize with his pile of vomit. "Briggsy Burger" was snapped up by Saatchi for 8 million quid.

Briggsy Burger by Des Lynam's love-gland December 14, 2006

Briggsy's Chocolate Orange 

A revolting dessert served up in the more depraved quarters of the homosexual community. After wining and dining his bitch, the dominant gay forces a peeled orange up the bitch's ass. After 5 minutes of ass-baking the orange is removed and eaten by the bitch. The practice was invented by prominent gay artist, Briggsy.

What's for dessert, Dominic?

You're having Briggsy's Chocolate Orange, so open wide bitch.

Briggsy's Chocolate Orange by Des Lynam's love-gland December 11, 2006

Briggsy Beard 

Facial hair grown by very spotty individuals. The Briggsy Beard serves the double purpose of partially concealing acne and avoiding shaving the tops off hideous pus-filled pimples. Most commonly grown by students and artists.

Why has that little artist grown a Briggsy Beard?

I don't know. Maybe he's not keen on slicing through those vile septic warts on his face.

Briggsy Beard by Des Lynam's love-gland December 9, 2006

Briggsy'll Fix It 

A short-lived 1990s television programme based on Jim'll Fix It in which gay art icon Briggsy made the dreams of homosexuals come true. One classic episode featured Briggsy riding a greased pig through Liverpool before masturbating into the River Mersey whilst singing "I am what I am"

Homosexual 1: I really want to be gang-buggered by a colony of baboons.

Homosexual 2: Briggsy'll Fix It!

Briggsy'll Fix It by Des Lynam's Love-Gland November 27, 2006

Briggsyccino 

A hot beverage, popular in art circles, comprising scrounged coffee, cadged milk and stolen sugar. Invented by and named after Briggsy, the famous art dwarf who boasted that he'd never paid for a coffee in his life.

What's that you're drinking you vile little shit?

Its a Briggsyccino.

Briggsyccino by Des Lynam's Love-Gland October 11, 2006

Briggsy monger 

An artist who sells his wares in markets in the manner of an East End costermonger. He sets up his stall at dawn and adopts a cockney accent. His sad attempt to fit in with the common people is often seen through and he then becomes the victim of a thorough beating.

Look at that little cunt with the paintings!

Yeah, he's a Briggsy monger for sure. Let's pummel the little fucker.

Briggsy monger by Des Lynam's Love-Gland September 22, 2006