A situation when one takes an incomplete shit, leaving a protruding “turtle head” behind. The shitter then must pet the lodged turtle head approximately 70 times with toilet paper or moist wipes, shitter’s choice of course.
by Daddylongdick813 October 30, 2019
Get the Pettin’ the Turtlemug. While on a date, you are overcome with intense diarrheal pain and are forced to excuse yourself from the table. Being gone for more than the standard 3 minute urination time period, you accept that your date has realized you are taking a shit so you take your sweet ass time. You then come back to the table only to find an empty chair, a half eaten tuna tartare and an unpaid bill. Your asscheeks are still greasy and your night is ruined.
Tom’s only chance at true love was thwarted by an unavoidable Judas Dump. The betrayal by both his stomach and the love of his life left him heartbroken.
by Daddylongdick813 February 9, 2019
Get the Judas Dumpmug. The act of one placing one’s flaccid penis on the glass of a scanner/copier and firmly closing the lid. If done properly, the penis will look like a firmly pressed panini sandwich.
“What happened to Steven today?”
“He accidentally hit “reply all” mid panini press, boss got jealous.”
“He accidentally hit “reply all” mid panini press, boss got jealous.”
by Daddylongdick813 September 1, 2020
Get the Panini Pressmug. by Daddylongdick813 June 16, 2016
Get the Boston Bearclawmug. An individual born and raised in the town of Cheyenne, WY. Their lineage can be traced back to the Green Door, a local strip club/dive bar that served as home to a legendary one-legged stripper who is thought to be the matriarch of the town’s native population. Common attributes of the Cheyanimal are: low intelligence, poor work ethic and a complete lack of driving ability, all of which have carved the great town of Cheyenne into the paradise it is known as today.
by Daddylongdick813 July 7, 2021
Get the Cheyanimalmug. The act of four men masturbating into a box fan with the sole objective of blasting jizz onto a lucky participant’s face.
The setup for a proper jizzard is crucial. One must first select a lucky participant to place their face 12-16 inches away from an electric box fan. Next, four male volunteers gather around the box fan, two on each side. The male volunteers must attempt to ejaculate into the fan simultaneously thus hurling a blizzard of jizz at the participant’s face. It is encouraged to don proper safety goggles during this activity.
The setup for a proper jizzard is crucial. One must first select a lucky participant to place their face 12-16 inches away from an electric box fan. Next, four male volunteers gather around the box fan, two on each side. The male volunteers must attempt to ejaculate into the fan simultaneously thus hurling a blizzard of jizz at the participant’s face. It is encouraged to don proper safety goggles during this activity.
Betty showed up to work today with an eyepatch. When asked what happened, she simply replied “jizzard,” silly amateur must’ve forgotten her safety goggles.
by Daddylongdick813 March 12, 2019
Get the Jizzardmug. The act of male individual enjoying deep, primal arousal observing his wife in the midst of raw intercourse with a large man while listening to the smash hit “Crazy Bitch” by the band Buckcherry.
The gentleman who just bought the last pair of True Religion jeans invited me to a Cuckcherry at his condo this evening.
by Daddylongdick813 July 20, 2024
Get the Cuckcherrymug.