Daddylongdick813's definitions

Cuckcherry

The act of male individual enjoying deep, primal arousal observing his wife in the midst of raw intercourse with a large man while listening to the smash hit “Crazy Bitch” by the band Buckcherry.

The gentleman who just bought the last pair of True Religion jeans invited me to a Cuckcherry at his condo this evening.

by Daddylongdick813 July 20, 2024

Cheyanimal

An individual born and raised in the town of Cheyenne, WY. Their lineage can be traced back to the Green Door, a local strip club/dive bar that served as home to a legendary one-legged stripper who is thought to be the matriarch of the town’s native population. Common attributes of the Cheyanimal are: low intelligence, poor work ethic and a complete lack of driving ability, all of which have carved the great town of Cheyenne into the paradise it is known as today.

Holy shit, that Cheyanimal just took three laps through the roundabout.

by Daddylongdick813 July 7, 2021

Panini Press

The act of one placing one’s flaccid penis on the glass of a scanner/copier and firmly closing the lid. If done properly, the penis will look like a firmly pressed panini sandwich.

“What happened to Steven today?”

“He accidentally hit “reply all” mid panini press, boss got jealous.”

by Daddylongdick813 September 1, 2020

Pettin’ the Turtle

A situation when one takes an incomplete shit, leaving a protruding “turtle head” behind. The shitter then must pet the lodged turtle head approximately 70 times with toilet paper or moist wipes, shitter’s choice of course.

Mary was pettin’ the turtle for a solid hour after the lunch special at Benihana.

by Daddylongdick813 October 30, 2019

Beluga Pod

A situation where an individual finds one’s self involved in an orgy of three or more large white women. Although rare, a pod of overweight albino women is recommended but blondes will suffice.

Dude. On my last trip to the Great White North, I found myself balls deep in a Beluga Pod.

by Daddylongdick813 September 1, 2019

Jizzard

The act of four men masturbating into a box fan with the sole objective of blasting jizz onto a lucky participant’s face.

The setup for a proper jizzard is crucial. One must first select a lucky participant to place their face 12-16 inches away from an electric box fan. Next, four male volunteers gather around the box fan, two on each side. The male volunteers must attempt to ejaculate into the fan simultaneously thus hurling a blizzard of jizz at the participant’s face. It is encouraged to don proper safety goggles during this activity.

Betty showed up to work today with an eyepatch. When asked what happened, she simply replied “jizzard,” silly amateur must’ve forgotten her safety goggles.

by Daddylongdick813 March 12, 2019

Evinrude

An Evinrude is when an individual, male or female, reaches directly behind them and strokes the penis of a another individual. The motion must closely mimic the movements one would use on the control shaft of an Evinrude outboard motor, most commonly found on a jonboat or similar craft.

Susie gave me an Evinrude while we were standing in line for a Plan B pill.

by Daddylongdick813 February 19, 2019