Definitions by Artie J Saves
Canadian Just Jason
When you’re a bad ass contractor who lays pipe like you lay tile. Jack of all trades and almost a master of all. Because you work hard you party harder. Ripping motocross on the weekends. Your travel trailer for motocross looks like a portable man cave with a boom boom room in it complete with a strip pole. Due to this all the Moto Lizards (aka hot single moms with cut off jean shorts, big moon balloons, usually wearing ripped t-shirts or folded flannel shirts to show off their chest trophies who bring their kids to the races every weekend) want to party in your travel trailer. They are looking for you to show them how you down shift while riding from the back to lift up their front end all the while kicking your legs straight out as if you are performing a Superman jump off a dirt ramp. But your real claim to fame is how all the Au Pairs for all the remodels you do for rich clients want you to show them how you lay your huge pipe.
Who’s that guy? That’s Jason. Who the fuck is Jason? You don’t know? They call him the Canadian Just Jason
Canadian Just Jason by Artie J Saves April 22, 2026
Canadian Jacob Gone
When you and your Canadian boys are out at the bars on a Friday night and an American named Jacob walks in the door. Jacob started his night drinking with his friends in Murica’ but somehow gets separated and ends up in Canada with no recollection of how he achieved this feat as Jacob is piss drunk. Jacob instantly becomes a crowd favorite at the bar and part of your inner circle. As the night goes on it turns into a weekend filled drinking fest where Jacob ends up pulling off the Canadian Adele, Canadian Mud Puddle, Canadian Cannon Ball, as well as the Canadian Bottle Opener. As Sunday night rolls around you know that you have to set Jacob free. But you know if you set him free that one day and time he will return. You put your best Sasquatch mask on Jacob, cover him in maple syrup (more on why to follow) and your old hockey gloves. You and your crew bring Jacob to a hockey game where you put the bug in his ear about stealing the Zamboni. As Jacob jumps the boards butt ass naked still covered in maple syrup and wear the hockey gloves. As security tries to tackle and subdue Jacob he slips right out of their grasp on account of the maple syrup. Jacob achieves the theft of one of Canadas national treasures. As Jacob is driving the Zamboni across the Rainbow Bridge, police cars lights and sirens on following close behind, he has one hand with a Duce Duce of Canadian Lager the other is waving his fondest farewells to you. Knowing one day Jacob will be back but for now Jacob Gone.
Canadian Jacob Gone by Artie J Saves April 7, 2026
Canadian HD PASA
When you have a #1 PASA in their district, ranked 16th company wide, top .15% at their position in the entire company, who has an alpha personality, voices their opinion, outspoken but can prove via actual facts about what they say, FAFO attitude, DGAF mentality, and management doesn’t like it. Due to managements lack of ability to control or silence this amazing, outstanding, overachieving, over performing , gorgeous, employee, they purposefully fail to acknowledge, celebrate, cultivate, respect, appreciate and deny their success and achievements. Because of this, that PASA says hold my maple syrup puts their Sasquatch mask on and takes their talents elsewhere. Leaving a massive dumpster fire and void that cannot and will not ever be filled throughout the rest of human history.
Dude they pissed Artie J off and he pulled a Canadian HD PASA on their asses. They are so screwed they have no idea.
Canadian HD PASA by Artie J Saves April 4, 2026
Canadian Northern Happy Ending
While visiting the far northern areas of Canada you come across the very hard to find Rub and Tug massage parlor. What makes the Northern Rub and Tugs stand out is the process in which the fire off your missile children. They cover your entire body in nothing but rendered whale blubber, paying special attention to your Tim Hortons Farmers Bacon Wrap. If you find the right massage parlor they actually use a fur beaver mitten for added pleasure. While stroking your blubber coated meat missile they help you achieve a perfect launch of your missile children.
Last night Nancy decided to try and give me a Canadian Northern Happy Ending. It didn’t work out very well.
Canadian Northern Happy Ending by Artie J Saves April 3, 2026
Canadian Canasian Happy Ending
When you visit a Rub and Tug or a Happy Ending massage parlor. The lady massaging you must be Asian born in Canada. As she’s giving you your Happy Ending she first pours maple syrup all over you erect Tim Hortons Farmers Bacon Wrap while wearing a Sasquatch mask. At the point of climax she catches all of your missile children in a goalie glove.
Broham last night Nancy gave me a Canadian Canasian Happy Ending but couldn’t find the goalie glove so I rained down missile children all over the place.
Canadian Canasian Happy Ending by Artie J Saves April 3, 2026
Canadian Snow Dragon
An advanced sexual prank. When a male is receiving a blowjob from a female. He must first cover his Tim Hortons Farmers Bacon Wrap in male syrup. Once the females mouth clamps around his Tim Hortons Farmers Bacon Wrap he holds her mouth shut with one hand while shoving her head down with the other, nutting as hard as he can. While doing so he informs her that he has an STD (only the nastiest will do). She will immediately gasp from shock. Timing must be perfect, resulting in the female blowing maple syrup baby gravy out through her nostrils.
Nancy was pissing me off last night so I gave that hooker the biggest Canadian Snow Dragon she has ever seen.
Canadian Snow Dragon by Artie J Saves March 30, 2026
Canadian Ring Toss
A game in which multiple females toss Funyuns on to the a males erect Tim Hortons Farmers Bacon Wrap, which also must be covered in maple syrup. The intermediate level of this game, the male can be laying down. For Olympic style play or for the advanced, the male must be standing. In the event of a tie, the winner shall be decided by who can take the most amount of Funyuns off with their mouth.
Last night we had nothing to do. So Nancy, Bevan, and Wendy decided to play Canadian Ring Toss. Guess what bro it was a tie.
Canadian Ring Toss by Artie J Saves February 19, 2026