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Argonak's definitions

backdoor sledgehammer

This can mean many things, all of which are (as the name implies) destructive to the recipient's anal opening.

Noun: Something which is used to inflict massive anal damage (broomhandle, monster dildo, armadillo, shoe, etc.)
Noun: The actual technique of using a tool (as described above) to pound the victim's anal opening into submission.
"After being tied down to prevent escape, the man was given a thorough backdoor sledgehammer."

"I will use this lampshade as a backdoor sledgehammer if you come near my house again."
by Argonak October 11, 2008
mugGet the backdoor sledgehammermug.

Judas Chair

This torture device, also known as the Judas Cradle, was implimented often by the Spanish Inquisition.

The victim was hoisted up by a rope and forced to sit on top of a pyramid shaped device, thereby causing rectal trauma of several kinds.
I heard that homosexuals find the Judas Chair quite pleasurefull...
by Argonak April 12, 2008
mugGet the Judas Chairmug.

Heretic's Fork

noun:

A medieval torture device which consisted of a two-sided fork which would be strapped to the victims neck so that any movement of the jaw caused extreme pain.

The victim was then forced to say the word "abiuro" which is latin for "I recant" or else they were hung or burned at the stake.

This device qualifies as a funkatron.
Tom: "I don't really think that god exists..."

Bill: "STFU or Im gonna tell the pope and he will strap a Heretic's Fork to your neck!"

Tom: "..."
by Argonak April 12, 2008
mugGet the Heretic's Forkmug.

Backdoor Pirate

noun:

1. A pirate whose preferred method of pillaging is though the backdoor.

2. Someone who engages in the giving of anal sex.

3. A common name for a hypothetical homosexual piece of pornography. However there is no evidence to suggest that there is either a movie or a magazine which has the words "Backdoor Pirate" anywhere in it.
#1:
Rodion: "I am a backdoor pirate."

Sarah: "Eeek!"

#2:
Joey: "HAahah I bet your dad stars in Backdoor Pirates 7!"

Rodion: "You fucktard...there's no such thing!"
by Argonak April 12, 2008
mugGet the Backdoor Piratemug.

funkatron

noun:

1. Something "funky" or "strange". Often used to describe an item with a purpose which is unknown or mysterious.

2. Occasionaly used to describe a person who exhibits "funky" or "strange" qualities.
#1:

Rodion pulls out a speculum.

Phil: "What is that funkatron?"

Rodion: "Let me show you..."
by Argonak April 11, 2008
mugGet the funkatronmug.

dominatrix midget

noun:
1. A midget who is also a dominatrix.

As seen on Jerry Springer:

The midget named Thor enters with his host of various bondage apparatus.
#1:
Rodion: "Travis is a midget who likes bondage."

Steve: "So he is a dominatrix midget?"

Rodion: "Yes."

#2:
"My name is Thor" - Dominatrix Midget Thor
by Argonak April 11, 2008
mugGet the dominatrix midgetmug.

cum magnet

A magnet for cum.

Wether or not a scientific device actually exists which can attract semenal fluids to itself, a cum magnet can simply be a slut or a prostitute.
1. "Wow...that hoe is a cum magnet."

2. Shortly after designing the worlds most powerful cum magnet, the scientists behind this marvel quite suddenly had all of their semen torn from their bodies.
by Argonak October 16, 2008
mugGet the cum magnetmug.

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