"A referendum on banning ice cream again? This is the third time they've tried to get this passed in four years."

"I'm voting in favor this time, just to be done with this neverendum."

"I just upgraded to Vista."
"I got a mac."
"BITCH!"
"That's a case of mac envy if I ever saw it."

"Can't you stop talking on the phone while ordering your happy meal -- that's cellfish"

Do to the H1N1 swine flu pandemic the Centers For Disease Control recommends using the Dracula sneeze technique to avoid spreading germs.

katie couric: "governor palin, how many fingers am i holding up?"

sarah palin: "you know katie, i'm sick and tired of this gotcha journalism."

I knew she was heteroflexible the minute she walked in the room.

Dude, it's not my fault. I was drunk and it was fun. What can I say? I'm heteroflexible.

My friend told me "Live and Let Die" was his favorite Guns-N-Roses song, he seemed suprised when I told him Paul McCartney had done a premake of that song.