Contrary to popular belief, Canada does not actually exist. The land above America that most simpletons think is "Canada" is actually just snowy land that is uninhabitable for the current
human. Wild creatures and demons live here, like the Abominable Snowman. This land is used as a nuclear waste dump for a bunch of countries, as well as the home of a fat old pedo named santa (who also dumps his nuclear waste there). The world tries to convince us that Canada exists for one obvious reason:
Communism. It is clear that the story of Canada'
s origination is false as well. Here is some solid evidence: If Canada was founded by England, why do they speak French? How do these so-called shockingly nice citizens transcend
human's natural instincts of being
evil and selfish? Where do they get all of that maple syrup? How does their prime minister have such a smexy
booty? These questions all lead to the conclusion that Canada simply is a lie. It is a land filled with
Communism and
evil. One of the biggest evils deriving from this land is bagged milk. It is general knowledge that bagged milk causes minors to be taken to Canadian Hell by Canadian Satan, where they experience a painful
death. But since Canada isn't real and bagged milk is from Canada, then bagged milk isn't real so you
don't have to worry about these rumors that have been created to prevent outsiders from traveling to canada and exposing the truth.
Simpleton: I'm travelling to Canada to eat maple syrup and poutine
Intellectual: You
moron. You
will be killed by Santa and the Commies to protect their lies. In the worst case scenario, the
moose god could attack you. You should know by now that Canada isn't real.