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brown finger surprise

a person who is wiping one's self with a generic brand or a one-ply piece of toilet paper after defacating will often experience a brown finger surprise. a brown finger surprise is caused by ungraceful shoving of toilet paper into one's butt hole with such force that it will tear at the pressure points (fingers) thus causing left over excretments to lodge into one's fingernails or get stuck onto other parts of their finger. to avoid a brown finger surprise be sure to by two-ply or double or triple fold the one-ply sheets.
guy 1: hey what toilet paper do you use?
guy 2: oh i use *insert generic store brand of toilet paper here* all the time. its cheap.
guy 1: oh i used that once but was to lazy to triple up on the sheets and got a brown finger surprise. it was all stuck in my fingernails and i smelled literally like shit for my date
guy 2: oh dude that is horrible if you are really that lazy buy charmin it holds together nice
guy 1: well ever since then i have and no brown finger surprises
guy 2: nice

two finger surprise 

a very condescending, swift back-handed strick to the temple using one's middle and index fingers. this strike is only to be used in retaliation to isolence or in response to some loser trying to act clever. additionally it should never be used as a threat, like pulling back your fist to threaten a punch... it must be quick, methodical, unexpected, and impulsive.
Chris was being a douche so i gave him a two finger surprise.

...that sounds dirty...

Mustard Finger Surprise

The act of dipping your index finger in mustard and fingering someone right after without them knowing
Bro! Me and my girl were getting freaky last night. As we were fucking i hit her with the Mustard Finger Surprise.
The word 'flag' as pronounced by people with thick Belfast accents. The term is a perfect encapsulation of the disproportionate and overblown reaction to the removal of the Union Jack (as in 'de fleg') from above City Hall in Belfast. Where previously it had flown for 365 days per year, it is now flown on 17 designated days of the year - in line with many other British cities.

The event caused a portion of the Protestant community ('fleggers') to make international pricks of themselves as they proceeded to wreck the fucking place, claiming it was another erosion of a 'British' identity they perceive to have been under attack since the horrifying spectre of equality reared its head in Northern Ireland.

The word 'fleg' - and indeed 'fleggers' - fittingly describes a section of humanity unconcerned with knowledge, reality or the vagaries of the English language. Like America's tea-baggers they are ruled by instinct, fear and paranoia with a side dish of rampant bigotry and startling ignorance of the world around them.
"Wat de fuck like! The taigs got de fleg took down! Let's wreck de fuckin place! No surrender!"

"De fleg has been took down! Before ye know it there'll be a united Ireland! Attack Short Strand! God Save The Queen!"
Fleg by OnionFleg August 9, 2013
Word of the Day on July 18, 2026
To take something small, that doesn't quite qualify as a theft. Probably from the Danish "skæv" or the Dutch "scheef", both of which are pronounced similarly, meaning "askew, or not quite right'. To change an item's ownership without permission, but only something small and of little worth.
"I skeefed an apple off the neighbor's tree." "I skeefed some chips outta your bag when you looked away." "Don't skeef my chair when I go to the bathroom."
Skeef by kachinaflonk July 16, 2026
Word of the Day on July 17, 2026

Hair spider

A tight, tangled knot of loose hair and lint that forms inside clothing during the clothes dryer cycle. It typically hides inside garments, causing an annoying lump or a phantom tickling sensation against the skin until it is found or falls out onto the floor during folding.
I was folding my clothes and a huge hair spider fell out onto my hand
Hair spider by Kmorsels July 15, 2026
Word of the Day on July 16, 2026