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irrational clark lust 

Disorder affecting thousands in the US and portions of Canada. Symptoms include racing thoughts of white pants, uncontrollable urges to manhandle fluffy red hair, blindly disregarding proper spelling rules, and feigning an interest in map-making.
ICL is thought to be caused by overexposure to the portraits and writings of early American explorer William Clark. As of 2011, there is no proven cure. Sufferers of the disorder are said to have reegretted no-thing &c.
Park Ranger: Miss, you can't stand that close to that portrait of William Clark!
Young Lady: CLAAAAAAK.
Young Lady's companion: She can't hear you Park Ranger, she's suffering from Irrational Clark Lust.
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