i got no funds
by icle_shane August 20, 2003
Money, cash, corn, dollars
man: Are we gonna book that holiday?
woman: Yea, as soon as i get some fund.
by toastface July 29, 2005
The process of putting a certain part of your body into the anus or rectum of another body.
You son of a bitch, I am going to FUNDS! (F-U-N-D-S.)

Hey, I would really like to F-U-N-D-S.
by Dr. Mateo Ole February 16, 2007
A phrase usually said in jest to mock another person's idea. The idea is usually stupid and lame with little market value.
Person A: Okay so get this...how about for a new video game, we pit four players against a zombie invasion! Except here's the twist: all the zombies are CLOWN zombies!
Person B: FUND IT!
by Mattanonymous February 15, 2009
An individual who accepts their meager existence in back-offices and gray cubicle rows until they dissipate into pure anonymity. Frequently excreted on by the rest of the company as a human cesspool, they lurk in the hazy glow of asinine spreadsheets and fruitless excel recreation. Individuals suffering from this syndrome have been known to cope with their existence by extended lunches at ill repute bars playing buck-hunter and talking about how they are "under appreciated". Severe psychological damage and alcoholism are the most commonly experienced byproducts.
Joe is not management material, he had a 15 dollar break which shows how poor of a fund accountant he is.

And here is our back-office, they are the piece-of-shit (POS) fund accountants who crunch our numbers.
by Vito Nicola May 7, 2008
Typically a Mutual Fund is an investment fund aimed at individual investors sponsored by an investment (or "mutual fund") house like Fidelity, Vanguard or T. Rowe Price. Each fund holds a "market basket" of stocks or bonds and individual investors buy into the fund by buying a share at "Net Asset Value," which is the total worth of the fund's holdings, calculated every day, divided by the number of shares outstanding. In other words, a mutual fund whose portfolio (value of all holdings) is worth a million dollars that has a hundred thousand shares outstanding will value those shares at ten dollars apiece. A typical stock-based mutual fund can earn its investors money in three ways: the dividends and capital gains that stocks pay out, and possible appreciation of the fund value per share.

For an individual investor, the advantage of owning a mutual fund is that s/he achieves diversity -- mutual funds own more than fifty stocks, on average -- that could not be achieved by buying a typical hundred shares of stock in only a few corporations. The disadvantages of such funds are that the "load" (sales commission) involved in buying or selling such funds can be considerable, and all funds incur some sort of service fees; that's how the investment house earns its money. Also, no "equity" or stock-based investment is guaranteed.
"My broker wants me to buy shares in something called an "open-end fund" but I don't know what that means."

"That's just a way to describe the majority of mutual funds, which remain open to all new investors who have the money to invest in them."

by al-in-chgo March 25, 2010
A type of investment fund with very high fees for investors and a focus on complex financial derivatives. Hedge funds charge around 20% of returns (sometimes a lot more) plus a flat fee of typically 2%.

Originally hedge funds were based on the concept of risk hedging; high-yield investments are always riskier than low-yield ones, so a fund manager could presumably put all the money in one instrument with enormous risk and hope for the best. That is, to put it bluntly, insane. So the manager uses a strategy of hedging risk as cheaply as possible, such as a very elaborate combination of derivatives that rise in value if the main asset declines in value.

Hedge funds are organized to be very exclusive, requiring a very long commitment and limited membership. The managers are much more daring and will take much more aggressive risks than mutual funds.
The largest hedge fund company is JP MorganChase.

During the first decade of the '00's, hedge funds outperformed most other asset classes. But when they melt down, like LTCM in 1997, it can be a huge event.
by Sorry, the good guys lost September 4, 2010