Ricer Diagnostics 

righ-sir-die-ag-nos-ticks

1) A person who clearly has no idea about how car engines work, but will add up all the engine modifications he has/plans to get with preconcieved horsepower figures to show how fast his car is.

2)A person who looks like hes working on his engine, but he's really just making sure his intake didn't fall off yet and he has no idea what he is doing or what is wrong with his car.

1) (man performing ricer diagnostics) "yea, well the car has 120 hp stock, but i got a intake, muffler, and performance tuner, so its got like 160 hp now, cuz the intakes 15 hp, the mufflers 15 hp, and the chips 10.

2) yea man, theres smoke coming outta the transfuxfibulator there, i just gotta retune my muffler bearings and it should be even faster than before.

Ricer Diagnostics by unclepeanuts May 17, 2011

run some diagnostics on the commode 

A formal way of saying "take a shit"

Tikh: Hey where ya headed to so fast?
Dylan: I just had my morning coffee, and now I gotta run some diagnostics on the commode!

run some diagnostics on the commode by Lil' Enyaw December 11, 2016

quest diagnostics 

The place everyone goes to if they have to submit a drug test. Typically when starting a job but could be a court summons.

Quest diagnostics made me pee in a cup for my drug test.

quest diagnostics by Brookeshanks September 30, 2017

Diagnostic Fart Assessment 

A specially developed diagnostic tool used by the EPA that seeks to assess the concentration of methane in a mammal’s farts.

Our staff meetings, as a whole, could benefit from a Diagnostic Fart Assessment, since passing gas is our primary mode of communication.

Diagnostic Fart Assessment by Dr Bunnygirl March 25, 2019

self diagnosis

When a person diagnoses themselves based on websites like WebMD and Mayo Clinic.

Step 1: "Owww it hurts"

Step 2: Google where it hurts

Step 3: Examples come up on the search

Step 4: Compare the respective sites

Step 5: Come to conclusion

Jeff googled "irregular pain in the kidney area" to see what was up. WebMD told him that it could just be a muscle strain; this was Jeff's self diagnosis and he decided that was the problem and didn't go to the doctor. 8 months later Jeff found out he had terminal hip bone cancer and that he had only 2 years to live.

Elise had a slight pain in her neck after falling off her bed in the middle of the night and hitting herself. Being a chronic neurotic, she feared for the worst, googled it, just in case. She self diagnosed herself to have had throat cancer. She went to the doctor and found out it was a simple trapezius sprain.

self diagnosis by bpipic April 8, 2010

diagnosticise 

To diagnose or to fix a technical problem with style or flair

"Frankie, lemme diagnosticise your phone"

diagnosticise by Big-AJ April 7, 2013

diagnostificationism

Often a term used in the automotive industry to conduct a thorough diagnosis of a vehicle usually taking many more hours than is recommended. This is basically one step below completely tearing the car apart.

Brandon: How is the car coming along?
Jeff: I can't seem to figure out what the problem is!
Brandon: You've been working on that car for 3 hours.
Jeff: Yes, I need to perform "diagnostificationism".

diagnostificationism by Jeff Pieper May 27, 2008