"Deloitte" comes from the
Greek denomination of "De" and "Loitte". "De" translates directly to "miserable", with "Loitte" translating to "
pathetic human being." Formerly known as Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu, the
name was shortened to just "Deloitte" after it was discovered that "Touche" was a 3rd grade version of the word ass, and Tohmatsu was too difficult to say.
Members of the Deloitte firm are easy to spot. During the months of
January through March, in preparation for hibernation, Deloitters typically put on between 5 and 65 pounds. Additionally, staffers can be
seen aging as if they drank from the wrong Holy Grail during this
period. The only members of Deloitte who seem to stay a consistent age are the partners, mostly because they drink and bath in the youth and souls of staff members.
Deloitte is also a microcasm for the problems of American
society. The wealth gap is clearly
seen in Deloitte, with partners driving Porsche's, and staffers riding their new Dyno freestyle BMX's in
January. In addition, Deloitte partners have new
HP Tablet laptops, with staffers performing audit work on Abacuses.
Deloitte staffers can typically describe their lives with the following tickmark: "I traced and agreed my weight gain to the scale in my bathroom without exception. D&
T noted that
15 pounds was immaterial to performing audit work. Per discussion with my roommates, I noted that they no longer recognized me. Per further inquiry, they now refer to me as either 'The guy that sleeps in the other room', or 'The vaguely familiar friend'. D&
T assessed this explanation from my roommates as acceptable. I footed the number of outstanding bills received from the mail, and noted that it tied without exception to the amount that the bill collector said I owed. I
re-calculated my credit score, and noted that the score of 4 was appropriate. D&
T passed on further investigation."
