a cow's ass sewed up with barbed wire 

a means of descibing something horrendously ugly or disgusting.

"Woo, she's uglier than a cow's ass sewed up with barbed wire."

a cow's ass sewed up with barbed wire by Ariluto April 30, 2006

couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo

Phrase usually used to describe a sub-standard football player whose shooting ability leaves a lot to be desired.A variation on the classic phrase:"Couldn't hit a barn door from 10 paces".

"That Morientes fellow appears to be a waste of money.He couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo."

couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo by J Strummer September 6, 2006

Up a cow's udder for a stick of butter 

Used to describe someone who’s completely in a ridiculous or unlikely place, or busy doing something absurd. A bovine version of “up a hog’s ass for a ham sandwich".

"Hey, where's Bud?"

"Don't know, probably up a cow's udder for a stick of butter."

Up a cow's udder for a stick of butter by LilJimmyB August 28, 2025

Wouldn't puck flies off a cow shite

Irish phrase, used to describe someone who lacks any skill in the sport of hurling/ camogie. When referring to Ireland's national sport, one may commonly hear people mention the act of 'pucking' the sliothar (ball) with the hurley, one of the many skills in the game. Pucking is in fact considered to be the sport's most fundamental skill, with any inability to perform this skill essentially dooming a player to failure. In rural Ireland, where hurling is commonly played, it is not uncommon for one to encounter the fecal matter of cows or other animals when strolling through a country field. On closer inspection, one may observe insects such as flies and dung beetles congregating around the fecal matter. The proximity of the flies to the fecal matter is generally such that they would be very easy targets should one feel compelled to swing a hurley in their direction. Thus, for someone to be considered unable to connect with flies in close proximity to a cow's fecal matter, they must be completely lacking in the basic skills of hurling/ camogie.

Jaysus Christ that full forward wouldn't puck flies off a cow shite!

Wouldn't puck flies off a cow shite by Jotinmick December 9, 2018

suck a cow dick 

Something you say to someone when they annoy or upset you. It's telling someone to suck a fat dick, choke and die.

Brooke's being a real bitch, she can go suck a cow dick.

suck a cow dick by Dinosaur359 May 10, 2017

Slam-a-cow! 

An expression used when something surprising or upsetting occurs.

Ex. 1:
16-year-old girl - "Mom, I'm Pregnant."
Mother- "SLAM-A-COW!"

Ex. 2:
*Baker drops wedding cake on the ground*
"Slam-a-cow!"

Ex. 3:

Girl - "I don't want to have sex until I'm married."
Boy - "Slam-a-cow!"

Slam-a-cow! by raindropkisses October 2, 2010

as sober as a cow 

A saying said by drunk people from Wisconsin in order to make others believe they are sober

"Somebody's drunk"

"Pshh, no I'm not. I'm as sober as a cow!"

"Only a drunk person would say that...drunk ass"

as sober as a cow by SoberCow February 29, 2016