A walking
contradiction disguised as a person.
Officially 18, pushing 21, and mentally stuck in a perpetual loading screen. Most commonly caught having his phone confiscated after playing mobile Fortnite at 1 a.m., despite repeated warnings, alarms, and acts of mercy. When confronted, will loudly and publicly insist: “I DON’T GOON”, usually in crowded Chick-fil-A locations where silence was previously present.
Zaylin once declared himself Poseidon after jumping through a single ocean wave, immediately throwing up, and yelling “I’M POSEIDON” as if this was a widely accepted origin story. Claims
vegetarianism while ordering a pizza stacked with three different meats, then acts shocked when mixing Baja Blast, Jamba Juice, and poor life decisions results in vomiting.
Information must be strictly gatekept from Zaylin. Plans, jokes, context, and basic
explanations cannot be trusted in his hands. Considered a special case who must regularly be
reminded to keep thoughts in his noggin and pay a monthly fee (financial, emotional, or contractual) to remain in any group chat. Without supervision, Zaylin may derail conversations, misunderstand everything, and expose classified information within minutes, such as people getting traffic tickets, as he sees it as a way to distract someone so they don't realize he is gooning.