A walking contradiction disguised as a
person. Officially
18, pushing 21, and mentally stuck in a perpetual loading screen. Most commonly caught having his phone confiscated after playing mobile Fortnite at 1 a.m., despite repeated warnings, alarms, and acts of mercy. When confronted, will loudly and publicly insist: “I DON’T GOON”, usually in crowded
Chick-fil-A locations where silence was previously present.
Zaylin once declared himself Poseidon after jumping through a single
ocean wave, immediately throwing up, and yelling “I’M POSEIDON” as if this was a widely accepted origin story. Claims vegetarianism while ordering a pizza stacked with three different meats, then acts shocked when mixing Baja Blast, Jamba Juice, and
poor life decisions results in vomiting.
Information must be strictly gatekept from Zaylin. Plans, jokes, context, and basic explanations cannot be trusted in his hands. Considered a special
case who
must regularly be reminded to keep thoughts in his
noggin and pay a monthly fee (financial, emotional, or contractual) to remain in any group chat. Without supervision, Zaylin
may derail conversations, misunderstand everything, and expose classified information within minutes, such as people getting
traffic tickets, as he sees it as a way to distract someone so they don't realize he is gooning.