The Two Pump Rule 

The Two Pump Rule has been created in honor of all those christians who feel guilty about having sex even if the guy just put his penis in once and then they felt bad and stopped. Do not worry my fellow christians, you did not have sex because a penis must be inserted into the vagina two times to have had sex. The head of the penis must totally be inside to count as a pump. If she is a virgin and you give only two pumps but break the hymen then well done, you have pooped her cherry without having sex with her.

Example 1:
Sally: I'm pregnant with your baby
John: Bitch, no your not
Sally: Your the only one I have has sex with
John: We didn't have sex, we didn't have sex because I got mines within two pumps
Sally: What?
John: Yeah bitch, "The Two Pump Rule", now get the fuck out my house cause I'm not the father.

Example 2:
Jack: Did you fuck my Wife!!!!!!
Matt: No
Matt: (thinking to himself)- I did not fuck her because I jacked off in the bathroom until I was almost about to cum and then went onto the bed and put it in her and ejaculated on the second pump...therefore I did not fuck her....thanks to The Two Pump Rule

The Two Pump Rule by not a father July 18, 2010