Sodometry (noun) Pronunciation: /ˈsɒdəˌmɛtri/
Definition: The scientific measurement of the level of
pain and discomfort experienced when a
person is put into an
awkward, embarrassing, or otherwise uncomfortable social or physical situation.
Explanation: Sodometry, derived from the words "sodomy" and "metrics," is the science of measuring emotional and physical distress in different scenarios. It seeks to quantify the experience of feeling emotionally and physically "sore".
The
unit of measurement in sodometry is the Sodometric Index (SI), a scale ranging from 0 to 10, where:
0 SI: Zen-like tranquility; no discomfort at all.
1-2 SI: Mild discomfort; the kind where you laugh it off later.
3-4 SI: Moderate unease; the
awkward dinner at the in-laws level.
5-6 SI: Significant discomfort; akin to making small talk at a party with people you don’t know.
7-8 SI: High emotional
pain; like accidentally hitting "reply all" on an embarrassing email.
9-10 SI: Extreme distress; comparable to being the subject of a viral
meme for something embarrassing.
Application: Sodometry can be applied to better gauge and articulate our emotional and/ or physical reactions. The Sodometric Index can help you measure and communicate just how uncomfortable the situation made you feel.
So, next
time you're caught in an uncomfortable situation, remember to take a deep breath, channel your inner scientist, and calculate your Sodometric Index. It might just help you laugh about it later!
Example:
"Yesterday, I ran into my
ex while on a date with someone
new, and we all ended up in the same elevator for 10 floors. My Sodometric Index was easily a
9.5."
Literal example - Sodometry came in handy to understand how badly I was buggered during my last colonoscopy. My discomfort was a '
9' on the sodometric index.
