Scan Monkey 

Any lowly employee in a retail big box store. Commonly seen wearing colored polo shirts with name tags and khaki pants, carrying some sort of portable barcode scanning apparatus, such as a scan gun. Usual habitats include, but are not limited to: Walmart, Target, Best Buy, Old Navy, Shoe Carnival, and at one time, Blockbuster Video. The Scan Monkey is well-known for its constant screeches of sarcasm and passive-aggressive tendencies, particularly towards figures of authority and their customers.

Approach one at your own risk, preferably while baring gifts of candy... or caffeine.

Jimmy: Let's see, I'm 30 now and I've worked at Walmart, Blockbuster, Hot Topic, Krogers, Best Buy, Sears, and now I'm doing a nickel as an Assistant Guest Services Specialist over at Rent-A-Center.

Kevin: So in other words, you've been nothing but a professional Scan Monkey your whole adult life?? *snort*

Jimmy: Eat my arse, BUTT MUNCH!!

Scan Monkey by jimmydevious January 27, 2013