Start by going fishing with a lady off the coast of Portugal, and when she isn't looking you sneak up behind her and fuck her in the ass with a deep sea fishing pole until she starts to bleed. Collect the blood and shit mixture and keep it in a mason jar for safe keeping. Once she is unconscious from blood loss, beat her body with the catch of the day and then cover her in the blood and shit mixture from earlier like the ketchup on top of a meatloaf. Leave her out in the hot Portuguese sun to allow the mixture to bake on to her skin. Sail back to port and round up 2 native sweaty, poor, and stupid Portuguese sailers. Lure them on board with the promise of fresh fish and meatloaf. Once on board proceed to have sex with the unconscious woman in all of her orifices. Finally lock the Portuguese sailers in the cabin with the body, call the police, and leave.
by sixteenoeight May 3, 2011