Married

Having a spouse, being joined in matrimony. Having a close union with another person.

The state of being legally wed; can either be heaven or hell (or sometimes both).

Happiness is being married to your best friend.

by OneBadAsp October 21, 2006

married

Friends with tax benefits.

My roommates Tim and Derek are thinking of getting married so they can afford seperate bedrooms.

by theplaidpen January 6, 2018

Married

The only time in your life in which you can admit not getting sex without blushing.

"I'm married, I haven't had sex in a month" said Lisa. "Ah! I understand" said John.

by tuds January 19, 2009

Married

Serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole or conjugal visits

"Sir, a quick question from the Census: are you married or happy?"

by the_unknown December 4, 2012

Married

A person whose freedom has been taken away, who cannot feel free and develop, who cannot be himself, who looks locked in a iron cage, or who looks married.

She sneaks out of the house one night while he’s away, after he’s forbidden her from doing anything except going to work and then coming straight home; and when she explains this to her friend, the friend laughs knowingly and says “you’re so married.”

by 0x0Infinity May 8, 2018

married

A guy that is pussy whipped, hen-pecked, has no life, has no friends, and can't make any decisions without asking his bitches permission first.

Why the fuck did I ever get married to that frigid gold-digger cunt?

by Floss 69 April 8, 2006

Married

I heard a rumor that she cheated on her prime husband with Harry Styles

Hym “I heard that she WAS married but she cheated on her husband with Harry Styles, so.... Hurray hypergamy! Retard with a meaty dongle beats prince! And I still think I wrote some of that movie. I’ll bet you 1 million dollars some of this is in that piece of shit... Tssk! 😤 dumb slut... tarnish my good name. And Chris Pine should have beat the shit out of that little faggot for spitting on him. Actually, I will officially offer my services to help Chris Pine jump him. We’ll catch him in his trailer so he can run. Rearrange his face. And then we can go throw piss filled water balloons at the snake-whore... and then we can go get ice cream...”

Iam “What... are you doing with that knife?”

Hym “Huh? This? 🔪 Nothing.”

Iam “You’re not going to stab me again, are you?” 😰 “I still have a scar from the last time....”

Hym “PFFFTTT!! YOU’RE ALIVE!?”

Iam “How would I be talking if I wasn’t alive?” 😒

Hym “I thought you were some kind of force-ghost! I don’t know. A figment of my imagination or something.”
👉😣
Iam “Ow! Stop it!”

Hym “Wild. That is wild. Whelp. I’m going to bed.”

Iam “I... Whatever...”

by Hym Iam October 10, 2022