A fratboy. There is a very specific doucheness to them. Trust fund wasps who quote unquote rock rainbows, partially popped polos, pleated khakis, don'
t let me tell you about them, let them speak for themselves. The following is a manifesto:
I live in a frat
house. I go to frat parties. I can recite the Greek alphabet before the
fire of a match burns out. I can rattle off all of my founding fathers as well as my fraternity obligations, but I don't know the words to my school song or my accounting professor's last
name. I don't go to class. I never study. I devise elaborate schemes to cheat on my exams. I don't buy books. I pay people to write my papers. I have an endless supply of doctor notes from student health. I give more than $
2,000 of my
parents'
money in social dues each year to promote my frat's alcoholism problem. I drink because I am
cool. I drink a lot because I am cooler than you. I urinate in public. I do keg stands and have keg parties. I am the master at drinking games. I own you in quarters. I have never not drinken in the
game "I never". If I can't find my beer bong I know I can find one next door. I don't binge drink-I continually drink. I have a pre-
party for the "pre-
party". I own one
baseball hat. I live in my khakis. I don't own a shirt that is not polo, lacoste, brooks brothers, or vineyard vines. All my ties are vineyard vines. Sometimes I wear sandals in the winter because I can. I drive a bmw my
dad paid for, and when charged with speeding, careless and wreckless, and DUI, I bought it off my record. My hair is a mess yet totally in style. Ladies love me, but more importantly, I know ladies love me.
Fraggot # 1: Ready for the formal tonight?
Fraggot #
2: Shit, I'm gonna give some slutty dumbass with no self-worth one of my STD's!
Fraggot# 1: Oh snap, that shiza
will be like russian roulette!
Fraggot #
2: Wurd, son.