Fairbanks 

Fairbanks, Alaska is where hippies, quakers, rednecks, laborers, natives, and any combination thereof usually live, and where army guys come to take dumps and pick up teenagers on myspace. We also get tourists, who support the troops by parking RVs in the Wal-Mart parking lot. The dropout rate is 50% and the suicide rate is the highest in the country.

Fairbanks seems nice for a while, but once you get to know it you find out it's a lot like Stephen King's imagining of Derry, Maine with more freaked-out alcoholics. If you doubted before that a whole town could be insane, you will no longer. You know those magic mirrors with an evil world on the other side? Whitehorse, YT is on the good side of the mirror, and Fairbanks is the bad side. Repeat: Fairbanks is the bad side of the mirror.

Granddad, how come everyone in Fairbanks drinks all the time?

To forget, Billy. There's things in the snow we'd just as soon forget.

And how come everyone has night terrors where they scream in tongues about the old ones, and wake up with bleeding noses?

Well, Billy, I haven't lived many other places but I suspect that happens to everyone. Yep, I reckon it's just part of the human condition.

Fairbanks by This Island AK March 20, 2011

Fairbanks 

Raddest city in Alaska! Anchorage is too big and is only good for shopping. And the rest of it..... is pretty great too but Fairbanks beats their asses hands down!

Resident of Fairbanks #1: Wanna go to the Bentley Mall?

Resident of Fairbanks #2: No. Walmart is better!

Oh yes... this is how bad that mall sucks but it is totally incredible! And it's the only mall in town so we better like it!

Fairbanks by Sigorney June 19, 2008

Fairbanks 

Fairbanks is the coldest City in all of the United States. It’s one of the coldest cities in all of Alaska, temperatures can drop to -60 degrees every winter and the town averages -40 degrees every single day in the month of January. If you do decide to live here you’ll run away after one week. The winters here are dark and are very depressing and most don’t make it without becoming alcoholics or suicidal. It’s a good town with very good welcoming people but it’s definitely not a place for everyone.

Person 1: You Won’t Believe it......Im Moving To Fairbanks!

Person 2: YOU CRAZY ASS BITCH!

Fairbanks by TheBesy878 September 16, 2020

fairbanks good 

A disappointing event made less disappointing by comparing it to the alternatives available in Fairbanks, Alaska. Or, an event in Fairbanks, Alaska that would be disappointing in a larger city.

The concert wasn't that great, but there wasn't anything else going on, so it was Fairbanks good.

fairbanks good by Alexander Haig July 7, 2008

Fairbanks Alaska 

Fairbanks Alaska is the coldest city in the United States. During January it can reach as low as -50F and is also very dark. The town is known to have the best northern lights viewing in Alaska and is also known as the gateway to the arctic since it’s just a short drive away!

Person 1: Hey I’m moving to Fairbanks Alaska!

Person 2: The coldest city in the United States?
Person 1: Yup!

Person 2: Good Luck!

Fairbanks Alaska by TheBesy878 September 17, 2020

Fairbanks, Alaska 

Fairbanks is a city in Alaska, pretty far North. Its about 300 miles away from Palmer, Alaska. Fairbanks is a mining town, most of the jobs are outdoor, mining, or retail. While the job market is pretty good during the economic decline, Fairbanks fails at the social aspect. You will find more felons in Fairbanks than any other city in Alaska. Most of the people were either born there and have never left, or were brought in by people that were already there. Many people go to Fairbanks for a period of time to attend UAF, one of the BEST campuses that University of Alaska has to offer. The marijuana is expensive, $50 for an eighth! Don't worry though, if you know where to get it, its good, and unless you have a bad connection, its 3.5 every time.

The major downside to Fairbanks:

There is NOTHING to do for people in their twenties.

Most places have bad water (lots of iron, can't shower in it or drink it).
Most of the people there are set in their ways and spend most of their time drinking away their sorrows.
Unless they aren't FROM Fairbanks, most people are pretty introverted, and it takes them awhile to warm up to new people enough to quit scowling.
It gets really, REALLY cold there. I mean, frostbite in seconds during the winter.

If you're going to visit during the summer and you like hot weather, its a great place to visit. Living there is NOT something one should do unless they have warrants out and feel like hiding.

"Dude, it's not Fairbanks, Alaska, its Squarebanks."

"Lets get to Chena Hot Springs, then get the eff out of here!"

"Really? No Walmart is that big!"

"How many of these people should be in jail right now?"

Fairbanks, Alaska by AK.Hippie March 28, 2012

fairbanks muff heater 

when a person survives the cold of Alaska by going balls deep in the muff of an obese eskimo. usually done by ft. wainwright infantrymen desperate to get laid. due to an over-abundance of these eskimos, it is a fairly common practice.

"do you know where pvt. smitty "
"last time we seen him, he was leaving KJs to get a fairbanks muff heater"

fairbanks muff heater by blueballsandstickyfingers September 20, 2017