Toes that are immensely bigger than the average human's fingers and are able to claw their way into your carpet, through your floor, gripping your house foundation, hence the name carpet crunchers.
Extra 1: BE QUIET DON'T YOU HAVE TWO CARPET CRUNCHERS 3000??
Extra 2: HOW BOUT YOU LEAVE THEM ALONE OR THEYRE GONNA BECOME HUMAN CRUNCHERS
12 step recovery jargon referring to someone new who talks about how great life is, now that they'resober. Usually meaning that the person is out of touch with reality.
The new guy seems pretty happy for a dude who has no job, no money and no family. He must be on a pink cloud.